Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

[MorrisHer]

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

So four months in he’s compared your looks negatively twice. Time to him this one. Good men don’t make you feel insecure by saying shitty things. He’ll say more things the longer you stay with him because he’ll feel he can.

Dump him. This is him starting with his "comments" all designed to make you feel like shit.
When l met my ex, I was younger but he commented too on my fine hair, square jaw, little bit chubby, made noise eating....none of which I had ever been aware of (and didn’t need to be). He destroyed my confidence over the years.

Ha! I was thinking the same. Or just say, "I used to have a boyfriend with a really big cock. Not that there's anything wrong with yours per se - it was just really big...."

I would write this off as rude/ insensitive, but the fact that he directly compared you to a previous gf with luxurious hair makes it sound more like negging to me and I think it’s a red flag. Sorry 😔

It's barely a prank. If my DC wrote 'murder' on our bathroom mirror, I'd be more puzzled than scared.

Haven’t red the rest of the thread but sounds like negging, it’s to erode your self esteem and reduce how attractive you think you are so you don’t leave. I would dump.

He sounds incredibly rude to have made that ginger comment and then this one. I would bin him.

Yes she was a young girl … looked about 16 … his eyes lit up when she came over.

This guy’s an arsehole. It’s not just saying “your hair is fine” it’s the comparison to former lovers with thick hair. Get rid.

I would end this relationship. Checking out school aged children is, weirdly, a dealbreaker for me. Can’t put my finger on why but there we go.

I wonder sometimes if there is a human behind some posts

After 4 months he’s making negative comments about your appearance and tellling you how ex girlfriends looked better? So why isn’t he still with his Rapunzel ex then if he found her hair so amazing - must be because she dumped him because he is a tosser. I suggest you do the same

Agreed! 👏

A 16 year old.
So a sleaze as well!🤢

He sounds very insensitive and severely lacking in compassion. What if you said to him, oh haven't you got a fat belly...I once dated a guy with a perfect 6 pack...doubt he'd be very pleased with that. I feel you are quite right to feel upset.

Yes- urgh gross.

I wonder if previous posters will also excuse him being lecherous over school girls as fine because he "might be ND" 🤮

Just get rid of this guy

Have you dumped his sorry arse, OP?

I'm not sure really it could be male tactlessness but not intentionally mean? When I started going out with my husband 20 years ago, he would sometimes laugh about it standing on end on the crown, pretty much always after I got it slightly wet in the rain as quite unkept looking. I once had a job as a barmaid and the Landlady liked you to look immaculate, I arrived with my hair like that and she said I looked like I had been dragged through a hedge backwards and to sort it out as it wasn't acceptable!

The point was comments on hair by boyfriends aren't necessarily bad but tbf my hair goes fuzzy, I am not sure if that's the same level of insult as thin hair.

Oh I hadn't seen the posts about the 16 year old, not good!!

Potentially getting into a long term relationship with a man who seems to be deliberately trying to undermine the OPs confidence is actually something to take very seriously.

OP, this won't improve, get rid of him and find someone who will treat you and your feelings with some respect.

Even if it was just rude/ insensitive though, women don't have to put up with it.

Just say no, ladies. Plenty of decent men around.

OP: Have you actually dumped him?

Yes. Have you dumped this absolute loser yet.