Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

[MorrisHer]

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

He wants you to feel as if you're not good enough for him, OP. I'd throw this one back.

How irritating. Do you want to go out with someone irritating? There's plenty of men out there who know that the correct thing to say to a woman is you look great.

Give yourself an early Christmas present and dump him. You are worth more than this thoughtless cretin.

Invest in some super strength B vitamins (check out Lindemans super complex vitamin B complex on Ebay or Amazon) and a rosemary shampoo. L'Occitane do some lovely ones. A cheaper alternative is the Olail range available at Home Bargains. Give it 2 months and you will see a difference.

Goodness, hasn't the tone changed from contrived laughter and walls of emojis and invoking the spirit of Barbara Windsor. Yes, we can all see how unruffled and entertained you are. Such a lighthearted, carefree response from someone with nothing to prove and Higher Concerns!

And yet, for all the talking, still no explanation for why you think women should take it and even blame themselves if men are shitty to them (I think we can all guess the answer by now). And still, now that you're the one who's offended, it's not merely alternative thinking, it's...whatever this wall of crap is.

The funniest thing of all is that I didn't even insult you. I simply disagreed and told you that it's not on other people to take responsibility and management for it when you insult them. You are an alternative, I am <<see incoherent rant above>>.

But that's to be expected. People who demand that everyone else just accept their rudeness like this can never take it when something offends them. You are no exception.

Some of them are women who have been socialised to #bekind, and some have got reasons for wanting women to take shittiness from men without arguing. We can only guess as to why...

Innit frustrating when folk put words in your mouth and create a whole scenario of things that were never said. 🍿

Having an awareness of disability in all its various forms, what jumped out to me from the OP is the potential, just a suggestion, maybe another way of seeing the perceived rudeness could be that the bf exhibits autistic traits. It was never a statement, but merely, as folk do on a message board, just a suggestion to throw into the mix for thought. Nothing more, nothing less. The reaction from some to such a genuine suggestion has been illuminating.

🍿🥤🥱😴

It's your choice to be offended by an alternative idea.

Menopause does make your hair thinner but no one needs it pointing out. Ditto wrinkles and flab. I assume he is like George Clooney? Def dump him.

Mate, this is why you never announce that it'll be your final response. Either reply or don't reply, but never announce that you're leaving, because then you look a right Carry On when you declare it to be beneath you but have to keep coming back, even just to post a dazzling riposte like this.

🤣🤣🤣 You have no power to offend. 🍿

But the op isn't about your son now is it?

Circumstantial.

She has thin hair. He said she has thin hair which he didn't notice before. Fine. The part where he speaks about an ex and their luxurious hair -not OK.

So unoffended, he did it twice.

What would Sid James do, do you think?

There you go again making stuff up. 🤣🍿🥤

So when you said "My final response to you", what you actually meant was "Actually I'll come back again and again more times than the Carry On franchise to prove how totally unruffled and above it all I am, but I'm still not going to explain why I think women should take hurtful shit from men".

Don't worry. We can guess.

The weird part was comparing you to his ex more than anything else, no one should ever do that.

I'm not sure he said it maliciously or to deliberately hurt you. Sometimes people don't always think before they open their mouth. I have fine hair but a lot of it, and I'm losing more due to perimenopause. You need to tell him how you feel, and that he needs to think about what he's about to say, before he opens his mouth. Yes, it tactless, but is he an awful person? Not necessarily.

I don't have time for someone who comments on my physical, natural appearance in anything but an unequivocally positive way, because I wouldn't do that to them. It's not how polite, decent people behave. If you like the boyfriend in other ways, you could call him out for these comments and see if he changes, but he's old enough to know better, and the kind of man who says these things probably isn't ideal in many other ways.

Me and OH have a running joke that if either of us says the other looks tired we go “oh thanks” in a fake offended manner, neither of us are actually offended.
Have you told him these comments hurt your feelings? Or just brushed them off/ignored them? Maybe he doesn’t realise he is being offensive and just stating observations.
My oh also has a thing for redheads, i also have brown hair 🤷🏻‍♀️ i don’t see the issue xx

I didn't want to mention that he was probably neurodivergent because I thought I'd get my ass handed to me but this is what I was thinking. My brother is Nd and will say things like, 'wow, you've really aged this year' or 'you're really losing your looks'. I accept it from him but wouldn't want to date someone who would say things like this. I'm Nd too but it doesn't take a lot of learning to not say such things unless you are very high on the spectrum.

Enjoy the guessing 🤣🍿🥤🤣

Feels like negging.

Commenting on your hair is one thing. The comparison to his ex is another. How he said it is another thing again.

Depends how desperate you are as to if you let it slide.

He's a prick! Why are you going out with him? Dump him and buy yourself something nice for Christmas.

He seems a bit obsessed with hair in general .. redheads , his ex’s hair, your hair… doesn’t he? ( apart from the tactless comment)