Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

[MorrisHer]

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

Nothing to stop you feeling hurt, that's down to you how you've interpreted what he said.
But it's an observation he made which by your own admission is true.
So yes YABU.@

YANBU when it refers to him talking about his ex.

And add I once had a boyfriend with an enormous one.

I too have fine and thin hair; made worse by menopause. Everyone admires a woman ( or man, come to that) who has an abundant amount of hair, curly gets extra 'points' with some admirers. Fine hair is a challenge, for those who have it and those who style it. Your 'date' was blunt in saying that, maybe he's the factual type who talks before thinking, or maybe he's one of those who looks at the outside package before opening it. I don't think you were BU to feel hurt, it's a fact, but one that didn't need his critical comment. If he can criticise your hair ffs, what next will he be be critically analysing?

He’s 💯 not the one for you.

guarantee he will turn into a complete prick

Why bother to have him in your life?

My hair is thin as well (thyroid issues), but
I wouldn't have a man commenting on it.
In fact, my husband of 20 years insists the hair is "normal".

Following it up with a comment about an ex with thick, lush hair? That’s going beyond a (tactless) observation. YANBU.

You are funny 🤣🤣 and would appear to have an inflated ego if you think you have the power to ‘get to me’, and more, need to say so. Feel free to carry on. 🍿🥸

So go with your intuition and actually walk out on him. Otherwise he will chip away at your self confidence with horrible comments like this until you accept anything

Ooh, how interesting. I say things that get to you, and you respond with a load of self justification, insults and far too many emojis for a zen and unruffled person. Tell me, why are you choosing to be offended and why, now that you're the subject of it, am I not simply being "alternative"?

Or more to the point, why do you think women should take insulting shit from men and blame themselves for it?

I’m menopausal with fine hair, so can totally relate. He shouldn’t have mentioned exe’s hair though, but I don’t think it wasn’t meant in a malicious way.

I don’t buy the factual argument. Lots of things are factual regarding how people look, but we don’t point these things out as it’s fucking rude and it might hurt someone.

Oh, I see you are still carrying on 🤣🤣🍿🥸 and still under the delusion of having power. 🤦‍♂️🥱😴 Brings to mind an old Carry On - infamy, infamy … 😄

I'd bin him off OP, that's two clear examples of him trying to make you feel crap/insecure about yourself and about how much he likes you in comparison to other women. A boyfriend should be building you up and making you feel great. Otherwise, what's the point?

I read a comment from a teacher who told her class that if you notice something about a person, and they can't change it in 30secs , then DO NOT make the comment.

Think a lot of adults could take note, just because you notice something does not mean you have to discuss it!!

He’s putting you down and purposely trying to make you feel like his exes were superior. No denying that.

Your hair is fine, isn't it= maybe ok
You can see your scalp = rude
My ex had amazing hair = horrendous

My hair is the same OP...I would be ripping if dh said anything like that to me

Let's see, you'll tell us all about how shit your hair is, you'll use a zillion emojis, you'll hurl insults, you'll talk some bollocks about imagined megalomania and you'll reference vintage farce films, but you won't accept that I'm merely showing you an alternative idea, and you won't explain why you think women should accept insulting crap from men. It's almost as if there's one rule for you when you get offended and another rule for others. Gosh!

Rude and insensitive. I don't think he's a long term prospect.

You have fine hair. Can't be hurt. It's like saying you have toes.

But think rather tactless of him to go on speaking about a woman he used to date with thick hair. Cringe

@Twinkylightsg , so saying to DS 'Your hair is thin' wouldn't hurt? His premature balding is not comparable to him having toes.

Are you completely insensitive?

I have fine hair, and it’s always been something I’ve been self-conscious about, so much so that I now have hair extensions just for volume.
I would be very hurt if a boyfriend mentioned it in the way that yours did.
I would say you have two choices; either just dump him or ask him from a place of curiosity why he made the comment. For example, « when you made the comment about my hair, I felt insulted and hurt that you would comment on my appearance in a derogatory way, and then compare me unfavourably with your ex. I have never commented on your appearance in a negative way, so could you explain why you said that ? »

Whos DS are you talking about? This is a man dating a woman. In this circumstances I don't think it's a big deal.

Everything in life is circumstantial. Don't know who you are talking about though.

Quite honestly I wouldn't bother to try to reason with him about it. It's not the first time he's done it. Either he's one of those guys who likes to chip away women's self esteem, or just thinks he should be able to tell his girlfriend where he doesn't feel she measures up because she's his woman and it's her job to take it, or he's just so mind meltingly thick that he has reached adulthood without learning how to speak to people, and it's not her job to teach him. It's honeymoon period time and he's already making her feel like shit; time to throw him back in. I'm sure he'll spit the dummy and blame her, but he's a knob so who cares what he thinks?

It depends on your boundaries. You can either carry in seeing him and tolerate these comments about other women. Or you can choose yourself and aim higher knowing your worth. If your friend told you this about their bf what would your advice be?

DS might be my son or your son. (DS has inherited the gene from my side and is self-concious). Pointing out thinning hair is downright rude.
Pointing out that someone has toes is just weird.
@Twinkylightsg .