Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

[MorrisHer]

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

Speak to him about it

I wouldn't see that as a negative comment, just factual.
My hair is also very fine, and if you are up close you can see my scalp.

Edit: typo.

He shouldn't have said it but it hurt because it was true.
He's tactless. Bin him.

He knows how to woo a woman doesn’t he? 😂

<why do women put up with losers like this?!?>

I would be absolutely devastated if anyone said that to me. I know my hair is fine and thinning compared to when I was younger, and I don't need it pointing out.

At best it hugely insensitive of him. Does he normally say rude inappropriate things?

At worst he's intentionally trying to upset you, a destabilising tactic and massive red flag.

I wouldn’t see it as a negative, its just a statement of fact. Possibly tactless but I doubt it was intended to hurt.

Easier to break up now than in a year’s time when he’s destroyed your self worth. If you’re not ready to at least have your antennae well up - see if he somehow spoils Christmas, or go on holiday and see if he provokes an argument.

Four months in? I think this is either tactless or purposefully hurtful, so that would be enough for me to seriously think about whether this relationship was good for me.

Get your own back after sex by saying something like "gosh your willy's a bit small isn't it? I can't feel it touching the sides"

That'll teach him.

He’s negging you OP. Question is, are you going to tolerate this? I would bin 🗑️ someone for such an insensitive comment at this stage! He’s supposed to be showing his best side 😂

Surely anyone with half a brain would know that declaring to a woman you can see their scalp through their hair is going to go down like a lead balloon. He's essentially implying you're balding.

Very rude and unnecessary. He could've just stopped at 'you've got very fine hair'. Which isn't an insult in itself. But even then it's like, obviously I know what kind of hair I have?!

He was just pointing out the facts. I wouldn't be remotely bothered about this.

@Thepeopleversuswork Possibly tactless? No, just incredibly tactless.
I've had such boyfriends and they're twats.

He was rude and tactless, yanbu. I wouldn't want to continue this relationship

This made me laugh so much more than it should have

Rude tactless tosser with no filter on his gob or deliberate negging to put you down - neither sounds an attractive proposition

It was a really stupid, hurtful thing to say and so was following it up with a comment about the lovely hair of another woman.

Oh yeah.. sometimes he says really weird stuff … like a couple of weeks ago we were served by a girl with ginger hair and after she’d walked off he chirped up “ I’ve always had a bit of a thing for redheads” and laughed ..my hair is dark brown .. I felt like walking out..

It's an odd comment, but I would have let it go if it wasn't followed up by the comparison to another women he used to date having 'better' hair. That's the bit that's unacceptable. Is this a one-off or have there been other things along the same lines?

I would find the comparison to his ex the most hurtful. He sounds like a knob.

You'd need to go into a rapturous account of your ex-boyfriend who was hung like a hoover.

THIS- none of us are perfect and we all have flaws, saying "well it's factual so it's all ok" is ridiculous. He knows damn well it's an insult.

Would you say to a man- "you are SO much shorter than the average man arent you?" or "your penis isnt very attractive and its quite small isn't it?" or "wow- your acne has really scarred your face quite badly hasn't it"? - all these could be completely "factual" statements, doesnt mean we arent so idiotic we know they are hurtful to state out loud.

I agree he is negging you. Dont let him.

Hahaha brilliant 😆

Ditch and move on. Please.
Don’t settle for such a specimen.

"Gosh your hair is really thinning, you"re almost bald" said nobody on a date.

Men and women are sensitive about hair loss so at best it's tactless and worse he was negging.