Boyfriend says I have fine hair … AIBU to be hurt?

[MorrisHer]

Been dating a man for about four months now and yesterday he was looking at my hair when we we out walking . I thought he was admiring it but I was clearly wrong as in the next breath he says something like “ Gosh your hair is so fine, you can see your scalp through it” then proceeded to tell me he went out with a woman with thick lush curly black hair right down to her backside.
My hair is naturally very fine but I’ve never really had any negative comments before and why would it be an issue anyway? We are more than just a head of hair which can be for the most part, dictated by genetics anyway …
it’s really hurt me probably more than it should and it keeps playing on my mind .. AIBU to let it bother me??
I’m also menopausal and having a tough time physically and emotionally and my hair is even thinner than usual as a result :(

I think if he just made a comment that your hair was fine then that would be OK, but he then compared you negatively to another woman he used to date which is not acceptable.

I just saw from your other posts that he often makes comments about other women. I think you should throw this one back tbh.

Curious- would you tell a date they had a small penis? or that their face was very wrinkled or spotty or that they were very short compared to your tall handsome exes?

All of these might be factual so all fine to say, no?

No, he's a twonk and an immature one at that. I bet the lush long haired girl (he would have gone out with her when he was about 17) dumped him.

Jesus. It was a truthful comment, just thoughtless.

Why would anybody want to be with a thoughtless person who points out something negative about them? I cannot think of how his comment could have been taken in a nice way.

No I wouldn’t like that. Nor the redhead comment. Even if it was ‘fact’ it doesn’t need pointing out. We all know what we look like.

Saying your hair is fine isn't a problem on its own. The comparison to an ex is a problem.

Yes he is tactless, probably deliberately and negging you as PP said. Similarly the comment about the redhead. Bottom line is he is a arsehole and you aren’t compatible.

You didn’t have this shit in your life 4 months ago and you were ok, weren’t you? Sure you wanted a relationship but you weren’t being mind fucked by anyone. Four months in, a relationship should be adding joy to your life dragging you down. End it and do better

Yep- he reminds me of my narc ex boyfriend who used to constantly neg me and point out my flaws (just being honest!!!) but weirdly, could never accept he had any flaws of his own of course and used to get super butt hurt when I would be similarly honest with him seeing as he loved "the truth" so damn much.

Point out some honest negative truths about him OP, I guarantee he wont be such a fan of factual honesty then!

You clearly know him right?😆 You’ve just described him to a t…😆

Yes that was rude of him. Not necessarily noting your hair is fine, as it is, but comparing you to another woman was weird and gauche. I’d have told him to go find her and get her back then.

That’s totally inappropriate too. Whatever’s wrong with him (totally thick, insensitive, negging), you deserve better.

The comment about seeing your scalp was insensitive at best, but following up on it with a story about an ex that had thick, luscious long curls, sounds like negging to me.

Throw this one back OP.

Nah, it's more than thoughtless. You don't tell a woman (or a man) that they're nearly bald in the early stages of a relationship. Most people are trying to show their best side at this stage and not make really personal and unkind comments. And you don't then go banging on about your ex and her beautiful, thick hair nearly down to her bum. I wouldn't say any of that to a work colleague, let alone someone I was trying to get my leg over.

Then why are you with him?

I reckon that should have been your cue to end it. He's not a nice person.

4 months in and he's already making you feel like crap.. intentional or not, and whether other people would be upset or not, make no difference. Don't be with someone that doesn't make you feel good about yourself!

He's like this 4 months in?? He won't make you happy. End it x

‘Negging’ and ‘triangulating’ indeed. Bad sign about him.

He should have kept his fat trap shut. What he did was negging, clear as day, the absolute dribble about redheads (who the fuck cares dude, I have a thing for Alexander Skarsgard but I'm not a rude pos who'd feel the man I was fucking would remotely want to know) and then crapping on about someone else he used to fuck and how great her hair was after slagging yours off - that is the final nail in the coffin.

He's a cunt. Bin.

I genuinely wonder if there is some incel brigading on some recent threads, I can’t imagine any of my real life female friends telling another woman that this is in any way ok.

Two big red flags for both occasions OP - he's testing to see if he can emotionally abuse you.

It would be wise for you to do the freedom programme online so that you can recognise this behavour & save yourself being emotionally abused by others.

Another one here who thinks it's negging. He also sounds like an ex of mine I dated in my 20s who said things like:

"You're not really my usual type! I usually go for quite glamorous classically beautiful women!"
"Your hair is so fine isnt it? its like baby hair" (and very similarly, proceeded to compare me to his ex who had long thick shiny blonde hair)
"Dont wear heels- your'e too tall, it will look weird for me"
"Of course you're British so your nose is far bigger than mine" (he was half Filipino)

You would think from reading that I resembled the hunchback of Notre Dame but I was actually quite pretty and did some modelling in my youth.

It's not you OP- it's him. He is deeply insecure and trying to drag you down to make himself feel better. Contented people dont feel the need to drag others down.

Ironically, I saw him on Facebook fairly recently and he is now quite obese, perpetually single and balding. The irony. LOL

A good five years into the relationship then you can say things like this but at 4 months, no way.

And don't forget to follow it up by mentioning an ex who was much, much larger.