OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

[snowhunny]

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

Your OH sounds pretty selfish, cold and weird too, tbh.

Boxing Day would be a more reasonable idea IMO.

No way, not even Boxing Day. 27th-30th are reserved for visits to shit uninterested relatives imo, if you really can’t get out of it entirely.

@snowhunny

"OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.
I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.
OH has just invited himself to bring the kids round to MIL's after dinner."

So your OH has said "I'm taking the DC to my mum's after dinner. You can't come."? That's just weird. You say that you get on with her OK, why would he exclude you?

I don't know why, but I feel there may be more to this than meets the eye. Not that you've done anything 'wrong', just that there's some missing piece to this puzzle.

So weird. Who doesn’t visit a baby after the birth but rather expects you to come to them?

Absolutely not. Tell them he can bring them Boxing Day. You won’t support this plan. You will tell the kids they can stay home if they want to.

I don’t think it’s pathetic or bitter. She just doesn’t want to be treated like the general dogsbody which is fair enough especially at Christmas

Why are you not invited?
Why bother going there if she does not buy the kids gifts? i could understand if they were going to have their presents but if she does not buy thats rubbish

That sounds like bliss to me. All the joy of Christmas morning and dinner and then peace and quite for a few hours.

How long was he planning on stay there? If he is doing presents then dinner at your house, helps clears away then takes the kids over to his Mum for a couple of hours to say hi, I don’t think it’s a massive issue.
Your MIL does sound very odd and I wouldn’t be buying her presents either but she is his Mum at the end of the day and I’m know I’m at risk of being blasted by MN your children are his children too so he should get a say in the day.
If my DH said to me he was taking our rabble over to his mums for a couple of hours on Christmas Day, I would be flumping on the sofa, glass of wine and chocolates and enjoying the peace and quiet before they all returned for a picky tea (which is IMO the best part of Christmas Day 😂)

Maybe mil has agraphobia or something very similar, and if they are still together ( which I think they are ) he’s only got one mother and once she’s gone , shes gone

I still don’t understand why you aren’t invited.

You say your OH invited himself and the children. Why didn’t he ask for you too?
Or did MIL tell him that you couldn’t come.
Who is it exactly, that has excluded you. MIL or OH ? And why?

Your MIL is, as you say, a weird and cold hearted woman. But your OH obviously doesn’t want to disregard her on Christmas Day. I think it’s good of him to give an hour or so after lunch on Christmas Day to her (even if she doesn’t give presents) especially if she lives very close by, but only if you all present together as a united family.
Leaving you out is not on. Expecting the children to leave you behind, isn’t on either. It would surely make them very sad.

if you all go, you could frame it as the children wanting to pop round for an hour to show her a couple of their presents.
If your OH wants to give her a gift that’s for him to decide, not you.

If it’s MIL that has excluded you, then I would expect him to go when he can fit her in if he wants to, but certainly not to take the children away from you on Christmas Day if she won’t let you in !

Why are you responsible for buying presents for his mum ? @snowhunny

I wouldn't allow it, simple as that.

Yeah, maybe, if he had helped do ANY part of Christmas and he asked me if I would like that, and if I didn't want to be left alone on Xmas day, I would be warmly welcomed to his mother's. That's not really the situation though...

Basically it was one of the DC's birthday a few weeks ago.

He took the DC round to see MIL and when they got back I had noticed that she hadn't bought DC any birthday presents/card.
She has never bothered with their birthdays or Xmas's.
OH insists on taking DC round.

Prior to this I would always ensure that I gave MIL a birthday/Xmas present from the kids.

I felt it was a very one sided effort so I told OH from now on I will be only buying presents for the kids and he has taken offence hence why he dosent want me going to MIL (not that I would want to go anyway).

That’s what I was thinking, partner hasn’t been invited? Maybe the MIL has started having dementia symptoms and doesn’t realise he has a partner

I'm confused. Is the father your partner are you a couple?

Not a chance I would be missing one minute with my children on Christmas Day.

he can go and visit her himself.

Absolutely not. What is he thinking? Does he not like you? This is shocking on several levels.

Why do you do it all?

This has clearly been the pattern for a while and in relation to multiple children. Why haven’t you changed it before now?

Did she specifically say you weren’t invited?

Have you had a massive row?

Why would he not invite you? Can he not understand that it's hurtful?

Is he always this weird?

Being excluded like this would seriously piss me off and you shouldn’t need an invite you’re close family.

You are definitely NBU

Well from what I'm gathering from OPs subsequent posts is that her SO has invited himself and the kids to MILs and left OP out. Which is actually worse than if it was the MIL leaving her out.

I would say no to that and remind the children that they do not have to go if they don't want to. If he wants to arrange something for boxing day the he can provided the kids want to go.