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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

388 replies

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:14

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

OP posts:

Stompythedinosaur · 28/11/2025 13:39

I cannot even fathom what he's thinking, to consider leaving you on Christmas day.

It's a hard no.

helpfulperson · 28/11/2025 13:39

I think there is a bit more behind why you aren't invited. Do you normally go with them when they visit?

CherryBakewell95 · 28/11/2025 13:39

Just say no. You also get a say of where your own children spend Christmas Day. If he wants to go, let him go alone.

TwooooDoooozenRoses · 28/11/2025 13:41

Right… no would be my answer. I can’t imagine being married to someone so disloyal and thoughtless tbh. He can go by himself the silly twit.

SeaAndStars · 28/11/2025 13:41

I can't imagine a world in which he would leave you alone on Christmas day and not even invite you. Why aren't you invited?

Frugalgal · 28/11/2025 13:42

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:14

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

Absolutely no way! Hardest of no.
Why aren't you invited? You do all the work then get left home alone? Not a chance.

Original poster

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:43

I think when I told him I won't be buying anymore Xmas presents for his mum from the kids he got funny.

None of his family apart from his cousin help and it's all very one sided.

During my last pregnancy I had a horrific birth, Sepsis, PPH etc and she couldn't even be bothered to see me or DC in hospital or offer to help despite living minutes away.

She still expected us to bring the baby to see her after all of this, she is just a selfish, cold and weird woman.

OP posts:

Createausername1970 · 28/11/2025 13:44

There are two things going on here.

First is that it is not reasonable for OH to take the kids to his family and leave you at home on your own.

But the other issue you mention, you do all the work and planning so the presents will only come from you, makes it sound like there is far more going on here than a random tiff between an otherwise happy couple about Christmas day.

I did most of the planning and present buying but it would have never entered my head not to put " from mummy and daddy" on the tag.

So I guess this is the tip of the iceberg.

Bambamhoohoo · 28/11/2025 13:45

It doesn’t sound like he’s going to accept these “hard nos”?!?

OP this is awful. I think realistically you might actually have to swallow this and seeth forever (assuming it’s not something that triggers a divorce)

Jasmin71 · 28/11/2025 13:46

He is v v unreasonable. Just tell him no!

Autumn38 · 28/11/2025 13:47

I’m a bit confused OP. When you say you aren’t invited- who are you not invited by?? It sounds like it’s not your MIL who has asked to see anyone so is it your DH saying you can’t go?

Is he really insisting you can’t go?

TheatricalLife · 28/11/2025 13:47

Absolutely not. Especially with your follow up post about upsetting the kids and ruining their day. This is one hill I'd be prepared to die on.

Switzerland1122 · 28/11/2025 13:48

The answer is a big fat NO!

Unbelievable!

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 28/11/2025 13:50

Xmas day - no. You are spending Xmas with your kids. His options are either -

visit her on boxing day
you all go to hers Xmas day
she pops over to yours Xmas you

It sounds like there are wider issues in your marriage though if he is happy with you making all the effort, and didn't even think about factoring you into the one Xmas day plan that he did make

Ineedanewsofa · 28/11/2025 13:50

Problem is, her behaviour is normal to him because he grew up with it so even though he can probably see you are upset/annoyed it’ll feel like an overreaction to what he has been conditioned to think is a normal question.
DH really struggles to see the issue with any of the batshittery perpetrated by his immediate family, despite the fact that if it was happening to friends of ours he would immediately call it out (I have tested this!)
FWIW I would also hate it and give a hard no, wrapped up in telling him that you appreciate it might seem reasonable because that’s how he was brought up but it really, really isn’t!

StartingFreshFor2026 · 28/11/2025 13:52

Absolutely not, just no way. I can't believe he's even suggesting it tbh.

Bambamhoohoo · 28/11/2025 13:53

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:37

I don't think she has an illness or anything like that but his grandfather passed away this year and wants the kids to see their own grandparents more.

OH has just invited himself to bring the kids round to MIL's after dinner.

She never invites him round, he will have to always call her to arrange going round.

Why do you think you can’t go then?

Coconutter24 · 28/11/2025 13:54

Why aren’t you invited? You said MIL didn’t even invite your OH so is it him that’s saying you’re not invited? How old are the children?

BernardButlersBra · 28/11/2025 13:54

Hahaha. No. He’s taking the piss and so is she. Why do you get to do the donkey work for Christmas but not the fun stuff? If she wants to lazy, selfish and thoughtless then let her get on with it and don’t feed into it. It’s a very unreasonable thing to want to do

Ripplemoment · 28/11/2025 13:55

Why are you with such a man?
Tell him absolutely not.
You children are going nowhere on Christmas day.
If he wants to break up over this, tell him to crack on.

I am constantly surprised at the bullshit women tolerate on MN from waster men.

MaggiesShadow · 28/11/2025 13:56

@snowhunny The issue isn't even him going and you being alone. It's that this is your husband and it even entered his mind to do this!

Does he treat you this badly in all aspects of your life together? Because I have to say there are red flags all over the place!

Bestfootforward11 · 28/11/2025 13:57

I’m really surprised that he’s even suggesting this! But I’m going to suggest you let him take them! Let him see for himself how awful it it. You could have a lovely time after all that work watching a film eating mince pies.

Bambamhoohoo · 28/11/2025 13:58

Createausername1970 · 28/11/2025 13:44

There are two things going on here.

First is that it is not reasonable for OH to take the kids to his family and leave you at home on your own.

I did most of the planning and present buying but it would have never entered my head not to put " from mummy and daddy" on the tag.

So I guess this is the tip of the iceberg.

This for me. The “buying mum present” and “presents just from mummmy” is objectively weird. Because why would he care? You’re not punishing him, you’re confusing your kids and ultimately, who cares what a tag says, it’s not even important. They know the presents are from both of you.

i wonder if you think this responsibility you have for getting Xmas presents has become you’re only lever to control his behaviour? But it’s not really a lever and risks you looking strange and bitter.

but also, you can’t stop him taking them so the “it’s a no” is nonsense. If he just tells them to get in the car Xmas day what will you do, drag them back out?

you need a realistic plan, which only seems to be- go along, or stay at home and enjoy yourself

thepariscrimefiles · 28/11/2025 13:58

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:22

And DC don't even like going there.

He is only really doing it for his own reasons like saying "It's every mothers dream to see her grand kids on Xmas Day."

The kids will open their presents and be happy and then be dragged into the car and will probably cry and they go to his mum's for them just to be sat their listening to them talk.

Edited

It's completely unfair that you do all the work for Christmas, the buying of the gifts, the preparation and cooking of Christmas dinner and he then gets to take the children away for an afternoon with his mum. You should tell him that he can go but the kids stay with you.

Put your foot down. The kids won't even enjoy it so it is much better than they stay with you where they can play with their new presents.