OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

[snowhunny]

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

How has he tried to justify it?

Will he listen if you say no?

This should be an absolute hard no. Your DH is being completely unreasonable. He shouldn't have even asked you - it should have been an obvious hard no.

It would be a definite no from me. I probably wouldn't agree to Boxing Day either tbh.

I have just told him he is better of making alternative arrangements for his Xmas dinner and the presents that I buy will only be signed from mummy.

I do all the shopping and he will throw in some money but it's not the point, I put all the time and effort in.

I'd say no to that. No way would I be doing all the prep and organising to be excluded in the afternoon. If you are feeling generous, I would say if she wants to spend time with the family on Christmas she is very welcome to come round at some point but you are spending the day with your children.

I honestly can’t understand why he’s entertaining this at all.

he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.
I am not invited.

ahem. No.

if he wants to see MIL, he can go. You are spending Christmas with your kids.
You could be serving frozen pizza to your kids on Christmas day (defrosted, you have to be careful on MN, some people eat frozen food apparently)
you can still send Christmas Day with your own children if you want to!

He can either stay home with the kids, or leave the kids and see MIL.
he doesn't get to take them away from you.

Do you have the other thread about the weird MIL who never buys presents despite happily receiving them?
I’d not want to go tbh she doesn’t sound great company. See if he will compromise for Boxing Day, if not then put your feet up after the rush of Christmas lunch/presents/general Christmas Day mayhem and enjoy a mince pie or chocolates and a bit of quiet.

What did he say? Some men are actually unbelievable.

Impossible to answer without hearing the other side

And DC don't even like going there.

He is only really doing it for his own reasons like saying "It's every mothers dream to see her grand kids on Xmas Day."

The kids will open their presents and be happy and then be dragged into the car and will probably cry and they go to his mum's for them just to be sat their listening to them talk.

The difficulty is that OH might not realise how strange her behaviour is. I'd explain that Christmas is a family day and therefore unless you are all invited you expect him to decline. If she's welcome to come to you, say that. It sounds as if OH hasn't really taken your (perfectly reasonable) feelings into account. Is there anyone else, perhaps his sibling, who can explain it to him in words he will understand?

I'd love to know what "other side" would make it acceptable to invite one parent and the children on Christmas Day but exclude the other parent and expect them to stay home alone.

This is bat shit crazy.

Surely the response is “enjoy dinner with your mother, the children and I will enjoy our dinner here”.

I totally agree with you that it’s not very fair or nice. But on the other hand, if I was in your position, I think I would be looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet, and the chance to put my feet up after all the shopping, wrapping and cooking. And also it’s a win that no-one is expecting you to spend time with a woman you (mutually) dislike. Obviously your DH needs to tidy up the kitchen and put the dishwasher on before they head out.

This sounds like a great way to train the kids go say " I don't want to go to Grandma's!!!"
By chance is MIL recently diagnosed with an illness you don't know about?
Like this might be her last Christmas or close to it?
"It's every Grandma's dream to have their grandchildren for Christmas" your husband says.

You say that she is lazy and absolutely never reciprocates any gifts that you send to her and does not send any gifts to the grandchildren, do you think that you'll have gifts for the grandchildren when they arrive?
Not that it matters, I'm sure that you will provide for them well at home but again this circles back to my first comment of,

If husband doesn't really want to go and you're not invited and not going and the kids don't have a great relationship with the grandmother and the grandmother doesn't buy presents, and the kids have just been taken Christmas morning from opening presents and having a great time at home to having to travel over to Grandma's while dad and grandma talk and they just sit there doing nothing...
Sounds like a great way to train the kids into never wanted to go to Grandma's house

Why aren't you invited?

I'd send him off and keep the kids at home, its yours and their Christmas too and this is what will make you and them happy.

You can tell him its every mother's dream to see their own kids on Christmas day 🙄 and then he can answer why his mothers "dreams" trump yours!

Yeah, fuck no. You get your Christmas with your children.

He can go to his mum’s all he likes once he has the washing up done.

I'd tell him he was free to go but the kids won't be going.

This would be a hard no from me. My daughter isn’t going anywhere on Christmas Day if I’m not invited

If you were invited and have chosen not to go, then I’d say fair enough but it doesn’t sound that this is the case

My dh did this many years ago. I only didnt make a fuss because I didnt want to upset the dc's Christmas. I inwardly fumed but was conditioned never to make a fuss. He never did it again and I gifted myself the present of never seeing them again.

I also don’t understand why you are not invited? Just tell him to go alone if it’s important to him.

it's every mother's dream to spend Christmas with her own kids!

his MIL had her turn, she can spend it with HIM, but mother takes priority here.
What a dick, and I don't say that often.

I don't think she has an illness or anything like that but his grandfather passed away this year and wants the kids to see their own grandparents more.

OH has just invited himself to bring the kids round to MIL's after dinner.

She never invites him round, he will have to always call her to arrange going round.

Hard no. He goes alone or does Boxing Day instead. What the hell is he thinking?!