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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

388 replies

snowhunny · 28/11/2025 13:14

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

OP posts:
MusicMakesItAllBetter · 04/12/2025 12:40

I bloody love you OP!!! 🫶🏼

Hopingtobeaparent · 04/12/2025 12:59

snowhunny · 03/12/2025 14:30

So I am still remaining firm on the separation, he has been unusually quite since he left on Monday.

During our last convo I told him this was it, the split was permanent as I have been extremely unhappy for literally years. It has really mentally exhausted me and drained me.

He also used to compare me to other women when I refused to cook for him due to his verbal abuse.
I have told him from now on he isn't to enter my home and neither are his family welcome and moving forward he will have to host his family elsewhere if they want to see DC and not at my expense.

Of course I have been advised "the money from now on will be what I should be paying and not me being generous".

I also advised him that he should only contact me in relation to the children and we need to establish firm boundaries moving forward.

Whilst we were talking one of his best friends called him whilst on holiday (they have a DC same age) and they are so happy. I would always be jealous of their relationship as it's what wanted with my now ex.

His friend's partner goes round to her MIL's and is welcomed and accepted as part of the family, something I wanted for so long.

Of course he never talks to his friends or family with mr around (in contrast his friend always involves his partner and is never excluded) and this just made me realise how dysfunctional and weird this man really is and how I deserve better.

I was never even excluded when his mates had double dates etc, I was kept separate from everyone.

This just enforced that I have made the right decision and will be moving forward and being happy with my kids.

Edited

@snowhunny 👏🏻👏🏻💐

Well bloody done! Absolutely!

Enjoy your new life indeed! I’m sure he’ll do what he can to ruin it, but you sound like you’re more than capable to handle whatever he throws your way!

Lunde · 04/12/2025 14:20

UrbanFan · 04/12/2025 10:52

You can either stop being a doormat and take much of the advice offered to you on here. Or you can carry on and make it look like you are just enjoying all the drama and nonsense.

Why do so many of the women on here allow men to treat them badly?

@UrbanFan Have you bothered to read ALL of OP's updates?

OP and her DP have separated and he has gone back to mummy

Ripplemoment · 04/12/2025 15:27

Make sure he can't get in and have a video bell for extra security.
Any aggression, involve the police immediately.
Well done.

thepariscrimefiles · 05/12/2025 05:58

snowhunny · 03/12/2025 14:30

So I am still remaining firm on the separation, he has been unusually quite since he left on Monday.

During our last convo I told him this was it, the split was permanent as I have been extremely unhappy for literally years. It has really mentally exhausted me and drained me.

He also used to compare me to other women when I refused to cook for him due to his verbal abuse.
I have told him from now on he isn't to enter my home and neither are his family welcome and moving forward he will have to host his family elsewhere if they want to see DC and not at my expense.

Of course I have been advised "the money from now on will be what I should be paying and not me being generous".

I also advised him that he should only contact me in relation to the children and we need to establish firm boundaries moving forward.

Whilst we were talking one of his best friends called him whilst on holiday (they have a DC same age) and they are so happy. I would always be jealous of their relationship as it's what wanted with my now ex.

His friend's partner goes round to her MIL's and is welcomed and accepted as part of the family, something I wanted for so long.

Of course he never talks to his friends or family with mr around (in contrast his friend always involves his partner and is never excluded) and this just made me realise how dysfunctional and weird this man really is and how I deserve better.

I was never even excluded when his mates had double dates etc, I was kept separate from everyone.

This just enforced that I have made the right decision and will be moving forward and being happy with my kids.

Edited

So glad that you are being strong and realising how badly and unfairly you have been treated by your ex and his family over the years.

He can go and live with his horrible mum and you can rejoice that you will never have to see her again.

Switzerland1122 · 07/12/2025 12:24

Well done on making this decision. Do not waste a moment longer on this horrible man.

Enjoy your new life free from him.

NewGoldDream2026 · 23/12/2025 23:58

It sounds like the MiL could have agoraphobia and/ or depression (basing that on similarities in behaviours of a family member). OP doesn’t sound like she knows very much about the MiL, so it’s possible OH just doesn’t discuss his mum’s life with OP, it doesn’t sound like OP/OH have a close relationship.
Nothing wrong with the son still wanting to involve his mum, especially if he lost his grandad this year (which could mean MiL lost her own dad).
Would any posters like it if they’re dumped by their sons in the future because DiL doesn’t like them?

Agree with poster who says the info provided is one-sided.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 24/12/2025 00:17

NewGoldDream2026 · 23/12/2025 23:58

It sounds like the MiL could have agoraphobia and/ or depression (basing that on similarities in behaviours of a family member). OP doesn’t sound like she knows very much about the MiL, so it’s possible OH just doesn’t discuss his mum’s life with OP, it doesn’t sound like OP/OH have a close relationship.
Nothing wrong with the son still wanting to involve his mum, especially if he lost his grandad this year (which could mean MiL lost her own dad).
Would any posters like it if they’re dumped by their sons in the future because DiL doesn’t like them?

Agree with poster who says the info provided is one-sided.

Maybe read all of an op's posts before making such a comment. Mum is hosting everyone for Boxing Day. She's pulling a power move.

WhistPie · 24/12/2025 02:08

@NewGoldDream2026 Agree with poster who says the info provided is one-sided.

Pity you couldn't be arsed to read all the info provided, isn't it?

NewGoldDream2026 · 24/12/2025 03:16

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 24/12/2025 00:17

Maybe read all of an op's posts before making such a comment. Mum is hosting everyone for Boxing Day. She's pulling a power move.

Show quote history

I think you should take your own advice and read the OPs posts - the MiL is NOT hosting everyone for dinner, or pulling a power move: her son / the OH has decided to take the kids over after lunch (which the OP is cooking at home).

NewGoldDream2026 · 24/12/2025 03:23

WhistPie · 24/12/2025 02:08

@NewGoldDream2026 Agree with poster who says the info provided is one-sided.

Pity you couldn't be arsed to read all the info provided, isn't it?

I did read the OPs posts, but you don’t appear to have done so. Just signed-up to this forum, and already see that there are many of the cliched keyboard warriors such as yourself, just out to try to rile people, but likely the exact opposite IRL. What I can’t be ‘arsed’ with is people like you who think they’re far smarter than they are.

NaiceBalonz · 24/12/2025 03:26

Can't wait for him to want 50/50 and see how your tune changes.

Needspaceforlego · 24/12/2025 07:44

@snowhunny how are you getting on? Hopefully you are doing ok and looking forward to tomorrow.

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