OH wants to take kids to MIL's on Xmas Day after lunch & leave me home alone?

[snowhunny]

Basically I do all the Xmas shopping for the kids, decorating and I make Xmas dinner for everyone.

OH has just dropped it on me that he wants to take the kids to MIL's after dinner.

I am not invited.
I just don't think this is very fair or nice.

MIL is a strange woman, she has never visited us.

Every time a DC has been born we have had to take the baby to her house to meet DC.

She has never bought the kids anything for Xmas or birthdays.

Previously I would buy her Xmas and birthday presents from the kids but I won't be doing that again as I find the effort very one sided.

It's not that we don't get on, she is just a lazy woman.

AIBU to feel annoyed that why should her get the privilege of spending time with my kids when I am the one who puts all the effort in to ensure they have a good Xmas Day?

I would prefer he takes them on Boxing Day.

I would think closely about how much of these traits your Husband also has!

I absolutely would not be allowing this, I would however use it to your advantage and suggest he goes on xmas eve or 23rd to give you a couple of hours to get things done or enjoy a hot bath/chill in peace before the big day

Your husband is an absolute piece of shit to think this is a reasonable thing to do. It’s one of the most unreasonable things I’ve ever seen on here. Of course a mother should be with her kids on Christmas Day rather than a grandmother! This would absolutely ruin Christmas for you, and probably for the kids too.

Show him this thread OP.

This- he won’t care less what a load of strangers think. He doesn’t even care what the woman he lives with thinks

Okay, wow…stop. Back up. Why are you not invited?

Ask him to take them for a visit when it's all over so you can have a nice rest and some you time after all the work you have done x

So he will enjoy watching the dc opening the presents that you have bought. He will enjoy the Christmas lunch you have spent hours preparing. Then he will piss off to his mum’s with the dc leaving you alone. No chance! And please don’t say he will leave you to do all the clearing and washing up.

Sorry your not invited?? Is your husband okay?? Tell him he can spend the whole damn day with his mother but the kids arent going.

It may be grandma's dream, most certainly won't be the kids. Christmas is about children isn't it?

And, you not being invited, rude! Can't entertain that kind of stuff and hubby is being unreasonable.

Why are you not invited?

This it’s a no.

I'm sure she's not really going to only sign her kids' presents from herself - but can you not even see the temptation she has? Doing all the buying, the arranging, the wrapping, the decorating, the cooking, the clearing away only for her husband to swoop in and take the kids she's done so much for to his mum's leaving her alone on Xmas day after he's had a jolly good time?

I'd like to think if she told her husband that no, it is not acceptable, he won't just physically pick up their children and march them to the car. No one would suggest OP should drag their children back inside because in normal households it would never get to this?

It's a perfectly 'realistic plan' for OP to tell her husband that his whole suggestion is completely awful for all the reasons everyone else has mentioned. She does not have to shut up and put up.

I had a similar situation with regards to mother's day. I was calm but clear that his mother's rights as a grandmother didn't trump mine as the actual mother. To be fair my DH listened and agreed. My MIL then accused me of keeping her granddaughter away from her. Don't know if your DH is in a similar situation Op but mine was bought up in a terrible home environment and had no idea some of his childhood experiences were as bad as they were. He's now nc with his mother.

FUCKING NO NO NO! 😠 😡 😤

Your kids will want to spent their Christmas with THEIR OWN MOTHER. Not get dragged along to see an old bint who doesn't make an effort. FFS 🙄

If I were you, I would match her efforts. 💯
If she makes zero effort to see you and remains cold and distant towards you, then you repay in kind. 👎
Put boundaries down ASAP. 🙅‍♀️

If he wants to go and see his mother on Xmas day, he can go, ALONE.
He can go and have his dinner there ALONE.
He can buy HER gift HIMSELF.
He can buy a gift for her, from the grandkids HIMSELF and sign the card HIMSELF.

Put your foot down, and nip it in the bud now.!
Otherwise it will start a yearly tradition of oh poor old dear is on her own and the kids always see her on xmas bollocks. 🤢

Well your 'OH' clearly doesn't give a shit about you, does he?

Why are you doing all the shopping, decorating and cooking??

I enjoy doing the shopping, but DH always helps with the decorating, the wrapping and he's cooked Christmas dinner every year for 25 years and then I doing washing up/wiping down.

It's a team effort and he's clearly not part of your team.

Why aren't you invited? You've been asked a few times and it might help us help you

Exactly….even his going there alone strikes me as perfectly outrageous, when he has young children to be jolly with at home .
Spend the day with your own little family, you idiotic man.

I really do wonder how about 75% of the husbands and the fathers mentioned on MN ever got as far as dating a living woman, let alone impregnating one.

It would be a NO from me

Tell him no.

Also why aren’t you invited too?

I don’t see that he would accept her saying no and forget about it. If he was that sort of person this situation would’ve been easily dealt with, and OP wouldn’t be posting.

I would be FURIOUS.

Tell him to get fucked.

Why arent you invited? Come one there has to be a reason.

Any they arent your kids alone, your DH can take them if he wants to.

Id enjoy the peace and quiet. Time to watch my TV and eat Xmas chocs.