To want the pointless exchange of presents to stop

[UneasyMe]

Not for kids. For adults. The shopping ruins the otherwise lovely run-up to Christmas day every single year. I’ve tried to stop it a few times but my family resists. WHY? None of us needs any more stuff! We just need time, and peace.

We have culled all but a few. My husband’s brothers (ffs) still like to exchange gifts. They’re in their 50s.

We have a ridiculous situation where one of them buys us a case of wine and we buy him one. He buys us wine we’d never drink 🤪

The other one gives us things we simply never use. It drives me nuts.

Agree, absolutely pointless. I’ve got enough pyjamas, bath bombs, wine etc partners family insist on everyone having a present, annoying really, could save ourselves so much money

I suggested to MIL that we met up for a Xmas meal instead of doing adult presents, she thought it was a great idea and said she’d love to have us all together. The others wouldn’t do it, so we just continued to send stuff to each other.

I’ve tried to stop it a few times but my family resists.

So you stopped buying for them ages ago, but they still buy for you?

Let them if it makes them happy.

As long as you stand firm with not buying, there's nothing you can really do about their choices.

I’m glad it’s not just me. DH spends a fortune on tat for his brother and it makes me mad every year!

I absolutely begrudge it. I have put a stop to it to some extent. Adult siblings buying each other gifts. It's just nonsense. If you want something that bad just go and buy it yourself.

Christmas gift giving is for children only in my house. And parents.

Christmas is stressful enough without spending even more money on gifts for siblings, aunts, uncles and whoever.

All you can do is make a stand and say you will not be buying gifts this year and therefore don’t expect any in return. If they buy gifts for you and get nothing back, maybe they’ll get the message for next year!

Agree! We compromised and now do a secret Santa between 8 of us family members, happier all round! And so much cheaper

Be brave and stop buying.
Like you say its just silly. You spend 20 they spend 20 just keep your 20!!

Having spent a few years feeling like you, I have instigated a no presents Christmas this year. My husband, parents and adult children are all on board. Dsis and her adult daughter are not as happy as the rest of us, but they’re willing to give it a go for a year and see if it makes the day feel less special.

I will report back and let you know if Christmas without presents works out.

Totally agree. I tried to limit it to a tenner or even twenty quid but no, they won’t. I don’t want more fucking tat cluttering up my house. It just goes to charity. I wish theyd just skip the middle man and give the cash to the sally army or shelter or women’s aid or something even in my name if they want, rather than tat to me. Sigh. They take offence. It’s like they like buying me tat.

I tend to stick to items that can be used up for adults. Perfume, candles, sweets, biscuits, alcohol pretty much covers most of my adult Xmas shopping. Always decent quality stuff though like Tiffany perfume for DIL nothing Bayliss and Harding!

I don't have many young kids to buy for, only 2 under 10 and teenagers only want money for gaming.

I would love to stop buying for adults (spent over £1K this year 😱) but the flip side is I could be feeling a bit dejected come Xmas day if Santa misses me out.

YABVU.

I want more presents and i want to give more presents. I'm not well off so I'm ordering everything from TEMU and Shein. And maybe Aliexpress.

I stopped buying for adults a couple of years ago (Christmas and birthdays) - partly because there’s one of me and couples in every other household I used to buy for - and it’s brilliant. I’ve enjoyed shopping for the couple of children in my life this month and had none of the stress thinking of things for adults who don’t need anything.

Do it - you’re totally in control of what you buy!

I just worded it along the lines of ‘I’m only doing presents for kids this year and would be really grateful if you’d do the same for us’, and left it at that. On the whole they’ve stopped buying for me so I don’t even have to do the usual post-Christmas charity shop run now!

Just do it similar thread on here earlier on.
Say no and stick to it.
Presents are a headache nine times out of ten, they are wrong and need to be changed anyway.

Adult Secret Santa here - 1 for my side, 1 for his side. Generous budget so you can ask for something decent and useful or suggest smaller bits. Everyone wins

I stopped buying for adults (apart from DH) years ago, and it’s great - no more trudging round shops trying to think of ideas. DH and his siblings all still buy for each other, though, and it seems insane to me - DH + 3 siblings, and each person wants vouchers. So maybe DH wants Next, siblings 1 wants Amazon, sibling 2 wants Waterstones or whatever. So DH has to arrange a £10 Amazon voucher and a £10 Waterstones voucher and whatever sibling 3 wants. But then sibling 1 has to arrange a £10 Next voucher (for DH) and a £10 Waterstones voucher (for sibling 2) and so on.

At the very least they could each just sort out a £30 voucher for one other person, or just spend £30 on themselves, but no, there’s this almighty faff of buying and then wrapping individual vouchers!

Why just stop at not buying for adults though, the kids won’t suffer from less gifts.

Does anyone actually want any of that cheap shite though? Or are you just buying it for the sake of it?

I'm generally quite grateful for anything I'm given but I think I'd prefer a tenner in a card to some crap off Temu probably made by a little Chinese kid earning £1 a day

Our family have never done adult presents. Just an amazon voucher for DH and I, and a photo book of the kids for the DGPs.

But PILs are absolutely obsessed with presents. DH had thirty to unwrap from them last year. Thirty! He's a 40 year old man with two children, and was sitting there unwrapping selection boxes and novelty slippers while I cringed in embarassment in the corner (clutching my solitary bath set from B&M Bargains). He got more presents than our DC, and the majority went to the charity shop because he hates tat.

I said to tell them if they insist on spending such stupid amounts of money on him, just to get him some new trainers or jeans, both of which he desperately needs, or pay for a family day out. He won't though, because he's terrified of upsetting them.

We do Secret Santa for adults. So we all can get that one thing we'd maybe not bought during the year for whatever reason - I've got my eye on some fancy PJs for this year.

We are a List family though, which makes it easier!

Only grammatically speaking 😉

Totally agree. I suggested this a few years back but was met with accusations of miserliness. I just don't see the point in me buying an exact product from a link for £40 and for them to do the same. Why don't we just buy it ourselves when we're on the website finding the link 🙄

Gosh that is a ridiculous situation. This is where it really sounds like the gift giving is for the giver, not the receiver. They get to bask in the gratitude and enjoy the shopping, whilst your DH is loaded with useless tat he now has to find worthy homes for and still doesn't actually have the money for his new jeans or trainers, without taking up a second job selling the tat on.
Do they never ask what he'd like for Christmas?

Oh God yes. I would love to stop having to stress about what to get people every year. It also totally spoils the run up for me. So much stress, busyness and waste. It’s a peculiarly female thing too. I can’t remember DH ever buying a friend a gift beyond a posh bottle of booze for an occasion or big birthday.

And some people are really good at it (or think they are!) and try so hard to be original and unique that it piles on the stress when buying for them.

Yes OP scrap them all!