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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want the pointless exchange of presents to stop

193 replies

UneasyMe · 26/11/2025 21:30

Not for kids. For adults. The shopping ruins the otherwise lovely run-up to Christmas day every single year. I’ve tried to stop it a few times but my family resists. WHY? None of us needs any more stuff! We just need time, and peace.

OP posts:
moose62 · 27/11/2025 06:19

I have a small family....we only give regifts.
You regift something you have been given that you hate or you can spend £5 in a charity shop.
It can be very funny and once I was regifted something I had regifted someone else two years ago.
The kids still get presents so everyone is happy!

ElinoristhenewEnid · 27/11/2025 06:30

Martin Lewis summed it up
brilliantly. I stopped this stupidity a few years ago - it was life changing and means I can concentrate on the under 18s.

muddyford · 27/11/2025 06:30

I read once of two brothers. Each Christmas they gave each other a subscription to an identical motoring magazine. They would not have treated themselves to it and were both happy.

CopeNorth · 27/11/2025 06:33

We only buy for kids. Then do family secret Santa on my side - set amount, which is fun. I was against it to start with. On my DH’s side the present buying is insane so I now leave that to him.

Superhansrantowindsor · 27/11/2025 06:42

I’ve cut down this year. Managed to drop 6 presents from the list. Thank not adult presents I’m getting are my adult children , DH, mil and fíl. I really want to stop mil and fíl but it’s proving impossible. They have everything they could posssibly want or need.

Lulu1919 · 27/11/2025 06:43

We do a secret Santa with my sis in law bro in law and their three adult kids plus partners
We ( me hubby married daughters)
We each spend £25 on one person ...( this is picked using Elster ...so it's secret ..we post a few things we would like with links ..up to £15 value and then £10 is spent on a surprise gift )
We all get together day after Boxing Day ..taking it in turns to host ....and swap gifts over drinks and some sort of food !
It's been so much less stressful and actually fun .

butternut123 · 27/11/2025 06:44

We don’t do adult gifts in our family- it’s so much better!!! Just put your foot down one year and say I’m not buying adult gifts and I don’t want any in return

Onesmallnoserighthere · 27/11/2025 06:50

I opted out of presents both giving and receiving years ago (except for children). I love it! Everybody else still does it though so I'm the odd one out not participating. My DH would like to do the same but doesn't have the confidence to tell his family that. So every year I have to remind him "you know you still have to buy a present for your mum/dad/brother" and end up supporting him heavily through that process.
I hate getting presents, even if they're nice things. Ooh it's a nice scarf! But I already had a nice scarf and now I'm burdened with disposing of one of them. Items are a burden.

Coconutter24 · 27/11/2025 06:51

I put YABU because no one is forced to buy gifts.
“Hi family, we are only buying for the children in the family going forward so please don’t feel the need to buy for us”
They can decide to either buy or not buy for you, problem solved

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/11/2025 06:51

I buy for four friends. No relatives. That’s it.

arcticpandas · 27/11/2025 06:54

On my side of the family we have never done adults. Mil and dh love gifts so..

CremeBruhlee · 27/11/2025 06:54

I think you have to be really careful here with child free people. It would be a right kick in the teeth to cancel Christmas for them on top of what might be an already tough time. We do book and a bottle for adults but we are a very booky family xx

Pricelessadvice · 27/11/2025 06:56

Can you suggest a family secret Santa for the adults where you pick a name out the hat and buy that one person a slightly more expensive gift that they’d really like?
Then present giving still happens but everyone only buys and receives one gift.

Comedycook · 27/11/2025 06:57

I totally agree op. We buy for the children in our family and that's it. I know so many people who buy for every single adult in their family and receive a gift from every adult in their family. Their whole December wages go on this. It's madness.

SoloTripSoloVibes · 27/11/2025 06:57

Why are there so many threads about this recently? The best bit of Christmas is spoiling everyone!

DaisyChain505 · 27/11/2025 06:57

We don’t do adults in our family for Christmas but that’s because there’s a lot of children.

even that I have tried bringing up in the past about how it’s unnecessary and wasteful for all the kids to get a present from each other member of the family.

I suggested a secret santa for all adult members to buy for one of the children (with a bigger budget than we’d usually spend per child) and was met with crickets!

So much unnecessary plastic crap, the kids can’t tell you two minutes after they’ve opened the presents who got them what and they just don’t need it all.

Orangejuiceisgood · 27/11/2025 07:04

We have a massive present swap and we love it. Lots of presents for our parents, siblings, nieces and nephews.
However it’s not pointless tat. Everyone has lists that getting shared so we end up with toiletries, books, items for our hobbies, etc. that we actually want, i like a particular chocolate that I feel is too extravagant to buy myself so i get this at Christmas.
I did suggest a secret Santa one year but no-one wanted to do it. I didn’t want to do it either but asked in case anyone else wanted to.

Ohgoonthenanotheronefortheroad · 27/11/2025 07:05

Yes! I keep saying this, I don't want any more 'stuff' and don't want to buy anyone 'stuff' they don't need or want. we have managed to stop it with my family and are going away for a weekend instead but my husband and his sibling have been less easy - they normally exchange a £30 voucher with each other which feels like the most pointless exercise ever. I think we have possibly seen this off in more recent years, hopefully!
I love Xmas but the shopping element ruins it for me.

DappledThings · 27/11/2025 07:07

Ooh it's a nice scarf! But I already had a nice scarf and now I'm burdened with disposing of one of them. Items are a burden
Exactly this. I hate having more than one of most things. Having more than one bag or scarf or any of those things would just annoy me.

Howwilliknow122 · 27/11/2025 07:08

PatThePenguin · 26/11/2025 21:36

I’ve tried to stop it a few times but my family resists.

So you stopped buying for them ages ago, but they still buy for you?

Let them if it makes them happy.

As long as you stand firm with not buying, there's nothing you can really do about their choices.

Let them if it makes them happy.

You say that but its you that ends up with all this tat you dont want. Feeling bad about not getting them anything so you end up buying them stuff to. If everyone just kept their own money they could spend it on stuff they need or want for themselves. Last year when money was alot more tight for us we ended having to buy my sisters and their partners gifts. We were given endless tat, if my sister had just listened or even just asked me what I wanted I would have said a 12 .99 you tube subscription for a month to listen to my music ad free. But no instead I had to have the same creams and body creams that I don't use that she gets me every year , its silly and actually its a complete disregard for what the other person is saying to you.

ChristmasMantleStatue · 27/11/2025 07:09

I agree on presents for adults. My book group has a ring leader (isn't there always a ring leader?' and she is pretty well off and started a thing where we all apparently buy gifts for each other with a £30 spend. So that's £300 a year I can't afford. Everyone else tries to scale it back- one year we had a secret santa and she sulked because apparently just one gift each wasn't Christmassy enough.

There are a few of who grumble. This year we shouted hard on COL etc. and now the plan is small 'joke' gifts no more than a fiver. In other words - tat that id destined for landfill. It's a step in the right direction for my finances, but still utterly pointless.

Lastfroginthebox · 27/11/2025 07:20

SoloTripSoloVibes · 27/11/2025 06:57

Why are there so many threads about this recently? The best bit of Christmas is spoiling everyone!

Spoiling someone doesn't have to involve buying them presents.

Handbagcuriosity · 27/11/2025 07:21

Totally with you OP. DH and I have stopped presents for each other at Christmas and anniversary and instead we do something. We are going to a gig this year.

My family, parents/siblings will spend time together but we don’t exchange gifts anymore and it’s always a lovely day. We just buy for the kids but even then don’t go to overboard so we all don’t end up with tonnes of toys etc

Really want my PIL to do the same but they insist on getting us gifts and so we have the yearly what on earth do we get them scenario and although this sounds ungrateful we inevitably get things that we will never use or are not to our taste so it does feel a waste of money overall and actually a bit stressful thinking of what to buy

We just want Christmas to be relaxed and would rather spend the money on nice food/drinks and spend time with each other.

Totaleclipseofaheart · 27/11/2025 07:29

I completely agree with you. My DP’s family have two sets of presents as well one for Christmas and one for Boxing Day for all 4 adults (children in their 30s/40s and parents) and every year it’s the same stuff you don’t really need. We spend every Christmas with them at theirs so have to do what they are used to. I suggested a charity donation one year instead of presents one year and got instantly dismissed.

Nomoreink · 27/11/2025 07:31

Same for card sending, just why do we still do this. I’m now down to ten cards but I still begrudge it!