To want the pointless exchange of presents to stop

[UneasyMe]

Not for kids. For adults. The shopping ruins the otherwise lovely run-up to Christmas day every single year. I’ve tried to stop it a few times but my family resists. WHY? None of us needs any more stuff! We just need time, and peace.

Oh god I know.

DM insists that I buy something for all of the aunts & uncles etc. who insist on buying for me although I’ve asked them to stop, and as awful as it is- they just don’t really know ME or my tastes. So I end up regifting a lot.

For the last few years I’ve bought them all the same thing- some kind of nice food item, like Fortnum and Mason or Betty’s biscuits, and wildflower seeds they can chuck in the garden for the spring. 20-25 quid X 6 or 7, but at least I don’t have to think about it.

Utterly maddening.

I stopped this years ago. Apart from the stupidity it is so boring watching people unwrap gifts. Everyone under our roof gets a stocking from santa and that is pretty much it (adult children - different when they were little).

The worst xmas I ever spent was at BIL and SILs - lovely people but the entire afternoon was devoted to opening presents one by boring one and there were 18 people there. In fairness it was the year my dad died so I really wasn't in the mood anyway but the sheer tedium of it was incredible.

Just say to people you aren’t buying gifts for adults and for them not to buy for you. It’s simple. We never buy for other adults

We culled it when my Mum died. The various GC were between 18-20 at the time and my eldest brother had move a few hundred miles away to Scotland. It was a joint decision amongst the siblings. Tbh it took alot of angst out of Xmas and birthdays. We now only recognise 'big birthdays"

Yes,did this a few years ago. My sister nearly spontaneously combusted. She thinks I’m a tightwad but I really don’t care. Honestly, it’s such a bloody relief. I had years and years of working full time and running about like a bloody stress head trying to find presents which ruined six weeks of the year.

I'm another one whose in-laws are Very Big on presents. I don't send any at all to my family, but our suggestion that we stop exchanging presents with the adult in-laws went down like a lead balloon. So we're stuck with it, as to plough on regardless really would cause more bad feeling than it's worth.

They're also of the view that 5 x £5 presents > 1 x £25 present, but I draw the line there. You get one thing.

We don’t buy for adults in my family.

It is do much nicer not having the stress of thinking about what people want and not having to stress about how you’re going to afford it.

We initially started giving each other £5 scratch cards before stopping all together.

The trouble is if no one else is on board then there’s not a lot you can do.

"Hi Jane, we're only buying for the kids this year. We aren't expecting any gifts in return. If anybody still wanted to buy us anything we would appreciate you donating to (insert charity) on our behalf, or our local give a gift initiative for children who may go without instead" then just stick to your guns. They've been told, what they do with their money is their business.

We've managed this well with one part of our family. So we have secret santa, £30 max, specific items requested. You ask for one thing, and you get it.

With another part of the family we exchange 'experiences' not 'stuff', and most of the experiences are ones that we do together. A day out or a meal together.

Another part of the family... we have tried and tried to have different approaches. However they are people who like to go shopping when they're on holiday and "buy something nice for Sheila and Derek" [not our real names] So we have shelves with trinkets and ornaments from places that we have no connection to. We have come to understand that we just have to accept their different approach.

I love exchanging presents but then presents has never been a big huge thing in our family. A case of wine would never be done. Often home made stuff often things you noticed someone looking at in shops or mentioning they loved. One year my kids bought me a cake stand as a joing present. I had spent 2 years trying to find one i liked. Now I get it out and it makes me feel so cared for and loved..

So I am team presents. But not over the top expensive.

I buy for dh, adults dcs and that's it. One of my friends used to buy me stuff. She'd say she didn't want anything in return but of course I felt obliged. This year I was totally straight with her. I said please don't get me anything I'm decluttering and need less stuff. She's still my friend.
Dh gives cash to dgcs. They have everything. A house full of toys.

@UneasyMe just say you have enough stuff and it's stopping. I bet others feel the same. Blame the environment if you have to.

Fab idea. Do that @UneasyMe . What can they say to that?

We now play Bad Santa on Christmas Day with anyone who’s there, no presents for anyone who’s not (other than young DC)
So much fun, you only have to buy one present and it is a very special part of our Christmas Day.

Secret Santa for the adults - £30 limit, 1 gift, job done.

My parents still buy me and dsis presents, but not huge spends

I buy for DH & DC

Me & dsis always buy each other something to do together - spa day, theatre tickets, cocktail tasting etc.

Far prefer experience gifts to stuff

That’s worse than giving nothing. Much worse.

The very last thing I want or need is piles of cheap, nasty throwaway Chinese tat.

We mutually agreed to stop most of them decades ago. We are 3 siblings in our sixties, with adult children, grandchildren and elderly parent.

We don't give to siblings or their spouses, to nephews/ nieces and we share a present to our parent. Our children get and give to and from their parents and grandparents and great-grandchildren get from our parent.

So presents go up and down the direct line but not sideways and we always ask for requests.

Last year, after decades of present exchanging with a close friend, which I was getting fed up with, I braved suggesting we stop and go out for a nice meal or afternoon tea instead which we've done and really enjoyed.

So present buying for just a few people is a pleasure and not stressful at all.

I buy for my two daughters .. and daughter in law ( same sex marriage) 4 Grandsons and two step Granddaughters.. thats it. No sisters or friends or neices or nephews...
I go to daughters n daughter in laws for Christmas and other Daughters boxing day. I am made a fuss of.. they won't let me lift a finger.. the three Grandsons on boxing day are now much older .. 20 ..18 and 17 .. but still insist l watch a Christmas movie with them. They buy me gifts .. just hand cream/ fluffy socks etc.. they wait on me hand and foot... l am well blessed with my close and loving family.

Just be upfront - please don’t buy me any gifts, I’m ceasing gifts from now on.

I am lucky - my small family all have an agreement that we don’t do Christmas gifts. With my few close friends, I get gifts for their kids and they usually get me a little something (though I keep telling them not to!).

As others have said, I don’t need more random “stuff” (pyjamas, candles, mugs, etc). I much prefer me and my friends setting aside time for each other rather than budget for stuff that isn’t needed.

It’s one time one of year everyone makes an effort for each other. Choose to enjoy it or bow out and be the grinch.

YANBU.

The gift giving in my family was completely out of control, and we decided to stop exchanging gifts for the adults a few years ago. We now do a Secret Santa with a £150 limit. It works really well.

It is the full on emotional meltdowns and tantrums over presents in fully grown adults I will never get, some adults have never matured past 12

Just tell them you're not buying presents this year.

"Don't buy me anything, buy yourself something with the money you were going to spend on me"

Apart from parents the only people we bought gifts for were my SIL and BIL. This year we’ve decided to stop and go for a posh lunch with champagne in January instead. Much more fun!

There's a tradition round here of farm hands getting a cheese and a fruitcake. I give my mum a pot of stilton from the dairy, she gives me one of her (lush) fruit cakes.

But has the tradition, which personally sounds lovely, been given permission off MN otherwise it has to stop!