To want the pointless exchange of presents to stop

[UneasyMe]

Not for kids. For adults. The shopping ruins the otherwise lovely run-up to Christmas day every single year. I’ve tried to stop it a few times but my family resists. WHY? None of us needs any more stuff! We just need time, and peace.

I dont think the exchange of gifts is always pointless.

Obviously in some cases it is - for example when its purely transactional, or becomes a pissing contest or way to passive-aggressively offend or insult someone, or if theres patently been no attempt to get something the other person would like or appreciate. But in most cases in my personal experience (even the dreaded anonymous office Secret Santa!) its a fun and joyous thing that gives a little happiness and spreads cheer. In my personal case, our family is greatly diminished, my dads a widower, my sisters single. The small gifts we exchange may be the only ones we get. Its a happy and fun occasion to exchange gifts and part of our Christmas tradition.

Just use your common sense. Dont like the wine and know you'll be getting it? Speak up now and say what you DO want. Tried suggestin the gift exchange stops but no one else is keen? Accept youre the odd one out here and take part with good grace within what you can afford. No need to make a song and dance about it.

My SIL asked last year that we all just buy for nieces and nephews and it made my Christmas so much easier. It was a financial decision for her but for me, the stress reduction is much appreciated!

Agree completely. My side of the family do secret Santa for 20 quid which is fine. DH has pitched this to his family and they won’t have it. MIL can’t resist telling you what she has bought beforehand and then sends us links to what she would like. She has expensive taste! We always find a cheap alternative.

My first thought when I unwrap a gift is either ‘oh good I can eat/drink it’ or ‘where tf will I put this?’

Whatss wrong with Baybliss and Harding?
Ps secret santa's the way forward..

We stopped it years ago with my in laws. We first moved the secret Santa and then abandoned and just do the kids. Really hate Xmas time honestly for just pointless gift giving

DH and I are childless. We buy for each other - not tat - clothes, books, something the other has specifically asked for. No one else buys for us,we don’t buy for other adults. I buy for my DN.

Can you get them
to agree to do a secret Santa for the adults of family, so each adult buys for one other adult and also receives from one adult. Draw names.co.uk is excellent for organising this and is anonymous. My family stopped pressie exchange years ago as, being one of 7, there were far too many of us in addition to the children. If they don’t agree, be hardline and say that you are not buying adults presents, maybe except for parents, or have a really low limit , like 10 or £20 max.

Just have the conversation, I've found most people are delighted to not have to bother exchanging gifts!

Ugh I HATE it!!! When I was a child my parents didn't get any presents, just maybe the odd token bottle of bubble bath from their own parents and whatever we'd made them at school, so I was fully expecting the gifts to stop when I grew up, but they didn't. Then I expected them to stop when I had children of my own... but they haven't! I have agreed "no adult gifts" with one or two people, but for others it continues.

I can barely think of something I want or need, how the hell am I supposed to guess what another adult might like?? Also, when I do think of something they might like, I can never find it in the shops. And especially when they earn way more than us...

Wouldn't it be so much better if instead of buying presents, we all just set aside what we would have spent on gifts for adults, and instead spent it on treats for ourselves (the sort of things you wouldn't normally buy because it feels frivolous or selfish). That's my dream... then I'd actually get stuff I want at Christmas instead of the usual tat.

"If you want something you can go and buy it yourself" is such a callous reaction to Christmas gifting.

Gifts aren't really supposed to be about the stuff. It's about the thought that has gone into that person and specifically thinking of something they might enjoy and spending time and effort on it.

Buying random crap from a list for someone who could buy it themselves takes away meaning, of course.

But putting original thought into what a person enjoys and giving them something based on that is a lovely thing, it carries meaning, and what it was always meant to be about.

With the in-laws, we started doing a "secret Santa" thing (except it's not secret...) so each adult has one other adult to buy for instead of everyone buying and receiving 7 different presents... it works really well (except that some years they don't do it! Grrrr!!)

We also do this between the adults in the family since my children grew up - so much more enjoyable & low stress

But putting original thought into what a person enjoys and giving them something based on that is a lovely thing, it carries meaning, and what it was always meant to be about.
I can't think of things for myself I would want let alone for someone else. Why would I want to give someone else the job of having to come up with an idea for me when I don't want anything? In-laws this year have already said they can't think of anything they want either.

If none of us can think of anything we want then there's no chance of us being able to do that thinking for each other. And just saying "phew, let's knock that on the head then" so everyone can just relax and enjoy the time is the best gift there is.

We make a list and buy exactly what family have asked for. It’s usually around £10 each. More for the kids. Easy. Don’t do extended family and friends really unless they are visiting around that time. No stress. Everyone gets what they want.

Yeah but the "buying random crap because you're in a rush and you have to get something" is the reality of 90% of Christmas gift-giving. Especially if you have loads of adults to buy for (who buy for you so you have to buy something in return). I struggle to even think what I would like for Christmas, so how is another adult who only sees me once or twice a month supposed to know better than me? And a lot of people who pride themselves on being "really good at gift giving" are actually not as good as they think... I've found they often just enjoy shopping, and need an excuse to buy things and palm the resulting tat off on someone else.

Why wait for Christmas? If I see something I know someone needs or would love, I might buy it for them anyway. Having to come up with an idea just because it's Christmas takes most of the fun out of it for me. The emphasis on ever bigger, shinier, more expensive stuff is really just pressure from companies who know they can make loads of money and don't care about landfill.

My siblings and I stopped buying presents once we got married and stopped for the children once they reach about 10. It makes like so much easier and frees up brain space!

YANBU. It actually upsets me walking round shops in November and December seeing all the packaged shite that’s just going to end up in landfill.

I exchange very few gifts, which suits me fine. I tend to restrict token gifts to consumables like biscuits.

I only buy for my DC’s and DH. My DH buys for his parents; mine are long gone. We don’t buy for siblings or friends.

We have agreed to exchange Charity Gifts, Like a goat for a family, or a bicycle to help a teenager get to school to avoid a very long walk.
There will be a small present like a paperback book or a map of walks.
Absolutely no tat.

Suggest secret Santa? Then everyone still gets a gift but your buying a lot less for the adults

Haha this. For ages, I would buy people stuff they didnt really want or need -spend all that time wrapping it up when we could have just saved our money and bought ourselves something we REALLY wanted. Madness.

It's such a pointless waste of everyone's time and money. We dont do it any more and its honestly such a relief

In our family as soon as you have your own child the gifts stop for adults and we buy for the child instead.

so we buy for parents , each other and all the nieces and nephews, not sure what will happen when they start having their own children.

You 'want more presents' yet buying cheap tat to give in return?

But putting original thought into what a person enjoys and giving them something based on that is a lovely thing, it carries meaning, and what it was always meant to be about.

What I really genuinely want are things that would take me time to save up for and are too expensive to expect others to buy me. I would far prefer to save my own money up and buy it myself.

I dont bloody want toiletries or perfume or stuff like that because I prefer to buy them myself and make my own choices.

There are plenty of other things in life that carry meaning and thought other than gifts. Its not as if Christmas is the only time you can be thoughtful or lovely to people.