I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

[AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers]

And I don’t know what I can do about it

I have very fine hair. It’s like baby hair. It’s nothing health wise (I’m not losing it), there’s a lot of hair on my head but each strand is just so fine. I can’t style it or do anything with it. I have to get extensions to feel comfortable wearing it down. I take all the supplements and use all the serums but it doesn’t change a thing.

My teeth are crooked but I can’t afford braces. I didn’t qualify for braces on the NHS as a child and my parents wouldn’t pay for them because they thought my teeth “added character”. Now whenever I smile it looks like I’m missing a tooth at the front. I don’t smile with my mouth open because it just looks awful.

im fat, I’ve lost nearly 150 from my heaviest but I’m still a size 16-18. Nothing looks good on me and I want to hide my body all the time. I look the exact same as I did 150lbs ago.

I could do with a nose job, my nose is crooked and big, but I can’t afford it.

sometimes I just feel like giving up, I’m 26, I’ve never had a romantic relationship because nobody has ever found me attractive. I’ve tried all the dating apps but whenever I suggest meeting up with a guy he turns round and says no because he’s not feeling it. I try to meet people in person but nobody is even interested in talking to me.

it just feels like it’s been such a long time on my own already, the thought of doing another 50 years on my own just fills me with dread. I just want to cry when I think of my future because I feel like I’ll never meet anyone because I’m just genuinely ugly.

I'm sorry you are feeling so down about this. You do sound very critical of yourself. You have done amazing to lose so much weight. What else do you have in your life, career, hobbies etc?
I'm sure you have many good qualities, sounds like you need to work on your self esteem.

My career is shit. I’m band 2 nhs. I spent 8+ years training for a career I realised I hated and started over, because I needed to get out for my own mental health. I’ll never own my own home, I’m not good at anything other than baking and let’s be real that’s a pretty rubbish hobby to have

You sound like you are describing me! But honestly beauty comes from within ❤️ men are genuinely attracted to confidence - you must feel great losing that weight - put on your favourite outfit, do your make up and smile at your achievements- you’d be surprised how much response you get from a confident smile xx

I'm going to be blunt:

Your hair sounds absolutely fine. Who cares if it's not styled? I never style my hair.

You've done brilliantly to lose 150lb. If you want to lose more then by all means keep going, but if you really think you look "exactly the same" after losing nearly 11 stone then you need therapy, not a diet.

Given your analysis of how you look even after that incredible weight loss, I would bet the farm that there's nothing seriously wrong with your nose or your teeth.

Its quite clear the issue is rock bottom self confidence and self esteem. That is what will be putting people off.

I would seriously advise getting yourself into therapy rather than trying to save up for a nose job that I highly doubt you need.

Wow well done on the 150 lbs weight loss, that’s a massive achievement, and I can guarantee you do not look the same, not even remotely.

you seem to be focusing on the negatives, and lack confidence, plus just generally very down, so you need to try to find things you enjoy, don’t think about blokes, but what would you like to do to have fun?

I care, my hair doesn’t even hold a curl. It’s just really disgusting. It’s genuinely like baby hair. My three year old niece has the same hair as I do. It doesn’t look put together, I can’t even tie it up because it just looks pathetic

I bake, I go for hikes, I watch sports. All well and good but let’s be real, I can’t do that alone for the next fifty years

Another blunt person here. A romantic companion isn’t going to fix this. It will just add something else to worry about.

Concentrate on making your life as good as it can be, stop trying to get people to find you attractive or like you. Focus on doing things that you like.

Enjoy baking? Make more cakes there will be baby groups, charities, food banks, loads of places that would appreciate a regular donation of cake!

Stop worrying about ways your life doesn’t measure up to what society has lined up. Plan how to get what you want. Focus on achieving goals that impress you.
That’s an impressive weight loss, and there will be loads of things you can do now, that were harder before. Do some of them.

Join clubs, learn skills, get out there and live life on your terms, doing things that make you happy. I wish someone had told me that when I was young!

This is heartbreaking!!! You are so young with your whole life ahead of you. And how you live and what you put in will be what shapes your ultimate contentment - not your hair, or a relationship with some bloke. Save money for your teeth if that could really help but I would suggest the greater effort should go on working on how you feel about yourself and learning to love yourself.

I agree that it sounds like you have very low self-esteem; you sound very down about your career and even your hobby. Why on earth do you think baking is not a valid pastime? I think it's a highly prized skill!
You say your career is shit but do you actually like what you do now?
On the looks front, I do think looking better gives self-esteem a big boost. Which thing bothers you the most? I wonder if there would be a way to address at least one issue.

Are there other things you do like about yourself / your life? That is not meant to be a provocative question but it sounds as though you have a low mood clouding your whole perception of yourself.

OP please know that the universe hears what you put out, the words you speak, and it makes them come true. You are speaking so negatively about your life and yourself and your future. This WILL be what you manifest unless you change the way you speak about yourself. I worked with a guy who had a good job, a nice house and a beautiful wife but all he did was speak negatively about her and his job — zero positivity came out of his mouth. He got what he manifested. He lost his wife, the house, got let go from his job and is now living in a van. There is power in words. Affirm yourself. Speak kindly to yourself. See the beauty that you have within you.

I have yet to meet an ugly person. We just love to kick our self esteem around and be extremely harsh, how often do you see an ugly person? Not their actions, their looks? Honestly give yourself a break.
Braces are cool and common in your 30's, save £5 a week, I'm mid 40's and only fixing mine.
16/18 isn't huge or anything like that. You have lost a lot of weight already.
Feeling good genuinely comes from the inside, do something that you enjoy.

It's notable that you've focussed on that you can't curl your hair rather than the screamingly obvious staring-you-in-the-face deep seated self-esteem issues.

I've been where you are. "I'm so unlovable, awful, I'll never find anyone, I'll be alone for ever" etc.

I know that script. Inside out I know it. And that is why I know there's nothing seriously wrong with you apart from your head. I cannot emphasise this enough: please see a therapist.

Love what, though? I’m not overly intelligent, I’m not good at anything even remotely useful, I’m not talented in anything like music or art, I don’t add anything to society.

Working for the nhs gives you lots of progression opportunities? Are you nursing? Would you consider the HCA apprenticeship for band 3 or even training?

You really sound down on yourself. Are you part of the local gym? NHS perks mean very cheap memberships, I pay £24 a month for my local gym. I’ve met lots of people and it does wonders for your mental health.

Plenty of ugly men around - you have to cut according to cloth.

I have fine hair. I use wax to give it a bit of body and texture. I don’t aim for ‘groomed’ or ‘styled’. Windswept is nearer my look! I ruffle at the roots with the wax, and run my fingers through the ends to break up the flatness.

OP, you sound depressed. I’m sure you’re not ugly we just live in a society where if you don’t have lips pumped with filler, fake eye lashes and a snatched waist you’re considered “ugly”. Well no. God made us perfectly in hi imagine. I’m sorry the WORLD makes you feel awful but guess what? That voice you hear inside your head those feelings you get inside you is who you are. That’s your soul. Your body is a shell. Don’t let this world get you down.

Well ok let’s say you are objectively ugly with a dull job. You would therefore be a great match for someone who also thinks they are ugly and hasn’t ended up as ruler of the free world, that once they thought they might.

Theres over 8 BILLION people. Different colours, shapes and sizes.
Get perspective and enjoy life, as it’s only one you’re getting. Thin hair isn’t even a problem if you think about it properly.

I go to the gym, the only looks people give me are laughing at me for being there.

Genuinely, no man has ever been even slightly interested in me. Platonically or romantically. Even when I’m getting on well with men on dating apps, as soon as I suggest a date it’s game over, they block me

No-one at the gym is laughing at you OP.

Tomorrow morning please call a therapist.

Congratulations on that amazing weight loss,

although sadly one side effect of rapid weight loss, can be hair loss and maybe it’s contributing
to it’s current condition.

to all the people saying “ a man won’t fix this”
it’s not a failure of self esteem to want a life partner.it’s perfectly normal.

You sound like me. I’m ugly, fat and have a crap job. No point dieting as I’d still be ugly, and at least If I’m fat I can eat which is what brings me a little happiness. No man wanted me as I was to fat and ugly. I then started online dating at 40 and against all odds met a man. We moved in together and had an amazing life for 14 years, until he died unexpectedly of cancer. I’m now alone again. Life is shite. Life is unfair. Some people have everything and some people like me have nothing. I feel for you OP. But you’re only 26. Try and change your life while you still can. Don’t be a bitter old hag like me.

I have to agree with above. If you don’t see the weight loss then maybe you have dismorphia?

i think you’ve done loads at your age. Trained for one career didn’t like it and started over? And you’re 26? I had to keep checking that I read that right. That’s impressive.

the hair- I don’t think matters. I know you don’t like it but when you feel better about yourself you can try a new colour and style.

teeth - if they genuinely are affecting your self esteem you need to save up and get them fixed. You’re a young girl still.

nose- i do like big noses! It’s a feature and gives character so I wouldn’t worry as much there.

it’s absolutely confidence that gives you charisma. I’m old now but I can tell you I still show photos to my children of two men I used to work with many years ago. They were so incredibly attractive to a lot of women- truly charismatic and constantly pursued. Objectively these men were not obviously physically attractive. At all. I show their pictures to people to make this point- these men were gorgeous. Breaking hearts everywhere. This was all down to their characters. Beautiful people. Confident kind and great fun. Attentive too. I wish I could have some of that riz

well done on your achievement of losing weight and changing career to prioritise your mental health. You’re so young. Lots of better days are coming.

At one point it definitely did, but I’ve put a lot of effort into the condition of it and it’s dense, it’s not got any bald spots, it’s just fine. It really brings me down when I don’t have my extensions in as it just makes me feel so shit about myself