I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

[AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers]

And I don’t know what I can do about it

I have very fine hair. It’s like baby hair. It’s nothing health wise (I’m not losing it), there’s a lot of hair on my head but each strand is just so fine. I can’t style it or do anything with it. I have to get extensions to feel comfortable wearing it down. I take all the supplements and use all the serums but it doesn’t change a thing.

My teeth are crooked but I can’t afford braces. I didn’t qualify for braces on the NHS as a child and my parents wouldn’t pay for them because they thought my teeth “added character”. Now whenever I smile it looks like I’m missing a tooth at the front. I don’t smile with my mouth open because it just looks awful.

im fat, I’ve lost nearly 150 from my heaviest but I’m still a size 16-18. Nothing looks good on me and I want to hide my body all the time. I look the exact same as I did 150lbs ago.

I could do with a nose job, my nose is crooked and big, but I can’t afford it.

sometimes I just feel like giving up, I’m 26, I’ve never had a romantic relationship because nobody has ever found me attractive. I’ve tried all the dating apps but whenever I suggest meeting up with a guy he turns round and says no because he’s not feeling it. I try to meet people in person but nobody is even interested in talking to me.

it just feels like it’s been such a long time on my own already, the thought of doing another 50 years on my own just fills me with dread. I just want to cry when I think of my future because I feel like I’ll never meet anyone because I’m just genuinely ugly.

Honestly OP the only unattractive thing I hear in that list is how mean you are to yourself.

People pick up on vibes. If we view ourselves as less then we act like we are subconsciously and that kills attraction. So I’d guess that’s what’s happening with the dates.

I feel like if you became your own best friend and showed a little love towards yourself the world would follow suit.

Best advice I can give as a fat girl with glasses and a too big nose and hairy pcos chin that I battle daily, (who married a 6’8 rugby lad that used to date actual models) is to put your focus into valuing who you are. Honestly it’s not looks that will make you a great partner or mother. It’s courage, empathy, grit etc.

1. delete the apps for a few months
2. Get a note book and write down 10 good things in every day- doesn’t matter how minor.
3. In the same note book 10 things you like about yourself everyday- no matter how minor.

A few years ago at my lowest ebb - I did this and even though it was hard I rewired my brain to be kinder to myself. It started with hard to write lists and became changing my language in public and stopping constant self depreciating humour.

Finally. You lost 150lb you don’t do that without grit, determination and strength. You walked away from a career and took a leap of faith into something that would make you happier. That’s courageous as hell, so many people live their lives miserable and trapped.

Please take the time to see the good in yourself. Others will too if you do.

Absolutely, losing 150lb is no mean feat. You can do hard things xx

How are you friend wise OP?
From what you’ve written is very looks based, you don’t need much money to get a new look! Do you have ‘pretty’ friends you look up to and who could help with a new look and you feel better?

Could you refer yourself for NHS Talking Therapy in your area, OP?

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/find-nhs-talking-therapies-for-anxiety-and-depression/

Have you had your hormone levels checked?

I’m not good at anything other than baking

If you're good at baking, why not start a cake baking business? My daughter pays over £150 for her daughter's birthday cakes.
It could be the boost to your self esteem that you need.

it's your attitude not your looks. I'm sorry but you are draining, drowning in negativity. You could put a positive spin on something.
Negative energy is extremely unattractive.
Beating yourself down.

OP, there are loads of MNers rooting for you. Start being kind to yourself xx

In respect of what?

if it’s about my hair, it’s always been this way. Ever since I was a child. I didn’t have much of it till I was 5!

That's a bit mean. There is some truth to it, but OP came here to vent, she may not be like that all the time. Also, there is nothing worse than feeling ugly, especially in your twenties.

i definitely try to be positive in my day to day life. I’m always trying to be happy, I bring baking into the office to try and cheer people up. But I just feel like everything is extra heavy tonight and I don’t know why

Anyone else hoping that the OP will post a picture of herself, and just turn out to be beautiful and not know it?!

No, I'm not insane. Obviously the teeth were crooked enough to bother OP. What the NHS seems crooked enough is probably fairly bad.

Slight derail but does the Parlux actually make that much of a difference @FantasiaTurquoise? (I also have fine, thin hair)

You are twenty six. Do you have GCSEs, A levels, NVQS ?

Have you ever had a job, if so in what field.

Perhaps one way of looking at it is that beauty can be a curse. Pretty women can attract superficial wonaniser men. When you’re not blessed with beauty , then there is perhaps more opportunity to find love with someone who loves you for who you are.

Also beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Smiling is attractive.

We are always most critical of our own looks especially when younger. With age comes acceptance and even gratitude for how we look, imperfections and all.

Focus on health, style, looking the best you can and your beauty within. Beautiful people can appear unattractive when they are unpleasant people.

I have GCSEs (11, A*-B), a levels (AAB), two 2:1 degrees and I’ve worked for the last 14 years of my life (part time while I was at school and uni, obvs) but I’m just feeling so stagnant in life

I think braces would’ve been £3-£4k. They weren’t bad enough to get on the NHS and although my parents could’ve potentially afforded them it would’ve been a struggle. I don’t hold it against them, they did the best they could. But it does sting now that they could easily afford to help with a course of Invisalign but wouldn’t

I'm not being mean. I commented on page 1. As I said I've never met an ugly person, I'm sure OP is lovely, at 26 she has a world of opportunities with the right attitude and plan, focusing on the negative pushes opportunities away and people. If you want to attract people, you have to be positive, not men, friends etc.
Given OP's update, baking cakes for her colleagues, I bet none of them think she's ugly, they see a big heart and if OP taps into that she'll feel more positive.

Jakers You're a clever wee thing.

What field are your degrees in?

Slightly off topic but I always think of Rowan Atkinson as Mr Bean is a complete nerd and not attractive in the slightest, but in Blackadder he's much more attractive, but what's changed as it's still the same person? It's confidence and attitude I think, not looks....
OP I hope you feel better about yourself very soon and I'm willing to bet you're not as half as unattractive as you think you are..

Why won't they? Also, 'it would have been a struggle' isn't a good enough reason not to do something like that.

Criminology and then law. I just feel like I wasted so much of my early 20s being really mentally unwell after a horrid uni experience and now I’m heading to thirty with nothing

Because it’s purely cosmetic and they don’t owe me their money

I am almost certain your hair is perfectly nice. The grass is always greener. People with thick hair complain it’s “unruly” and spend load on straighteners etc to make it “acceptable” and not frizzy. People with straight hair complain their hair is “boring” and “limp”. I never had braces, have a big nose, have pale freckley skin.

The main reason you’ve probably not had “attention” is that you feel ugly and undeserving.

What is wrong with baking as a hobby? I bet it’s up there in the top 3 hobbies men wish their OH have!

Try to learn to love yourself and learn to laugh about the negative stuff. It will help you, and it might help your interactions with men.

And when you say “love what?” Is this honestly how you would see someone else? Would you say to someone else “you are not worth loving because you don’t have any special talents?” Not many of us would be worth loving then, would we?