I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

[AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers]

And I don’t know what I can do about it

I have very fine hair. It’s like baby hair. It’s nothing health wise (I’m not losing it), there’s a lot of hair on my head but each strand is just so fine. I can’t style it or do anything with it. I have to get extensions to feel comfortable wearing it down. I take all the supplements and use all the serums but it doesn’t change a thing.

My teeth are crooked but I can’t afford braces. I didn’t qualify for braces on the NHS as a child and my parents wouldn’t pay for them because they thought my teeth “added character”. Now whenever I smile it looks like I’m missing a tooth at the front. I don’t smile with my mouth open because it just looks awful.

im fat, I’ve lost nearly 150 from my heaviest but I’m still a size 16-18. Nothing looks good on me and I want to hide my body all the time. I look the exact same as I did 150lbs ago.

I could do with a nose job, my nose is crooked and big, but I can’t afford it.

sometimes I just feel like giving up, I’m 26, I’ve never had a romantic relationship because nobody has ever found me attractive. I’ve tried all the dating apps but whenever I suggest meeting up with a guy he turns round and says no because he’s not feeling it. I try to meet people in person but nobody is even interested in talking to me.

it just feels like it’s been such a long time on my own already, the thought of doing another 50 years on my own just fills me with dread. I just want to cry when I think of my future because I feel like I’ll never meet anyone because I’m just genuinely ugly.

Sometimes I want to come off the jabs again because at least then I was enjoying myself

Listen hun u need to see someone to help u realise that even if u are the most ugliest, worst haired worst nosed worst crooked teethed fattest band 2 house renter in the world SO WHAT!!!!!?! U are worthy and u DESERVE to be here ugly or not (and no one is EVER EVER as ugly as they imagine they are no matter what ur brain tells u) and yeah so what!!!! U don’t live to please other people, if ur hair is that bad and u don’t want to be here due to it shave the lot off and be free from it!! Its hair!!! Lots of people would love to have hair, any hair!! The problem is not
ur hair. Hun ur gonna find probs with every inch of u until you get sorted! U have zero self esteem and that can only come from within. From yourself. Fuck your hair and ur crooked teeth too. You really need to get some professional help to see how you are focusing on all the wrong things. Beauty comes from within. It’s really true. I have crooked teeth, thinning hair, putting on weight again, hate my tits, hate my belly overhang. But fuck that wrecking the best days of my life. Honestly. Please Google the shit out of self
esteem. And speak to gp’s, online groups, friends, anyone to get the ball rolling to get u thinking that u are beautiful and u owe no-one anything to be otherwise!!

This. I'm betting it's your negativity and zero self esteem or confidence that's putting potential partners off rather than thin hair.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Does your job have an employee assistance programme? If so maybe you would benefit from some counselling?

Re the hair - mine is a nightmare. Have it cut to a chin length bob so it bounces up and is quick to style and invest in some proper tools to give it some volume. I use a parlux hairdryer (you won't believe the difference a proper hairdryer makes), babyliss hot air brush when I want some proper bounce, and GHD straighteners for the front, and use zhoosh foam. I have to style it every day but only takes 10 mins.

Ok so that’s the hair sorted - extensions
weight sorted- losing it and becoming more healthy
you’re ok girl. Keep going

I think you don't just underestimate yourself but you also highly overestimate everybody else. You have just described most people. Most people (me included) aren't really special. Not overly intelligent, not particularly skilled at anything and also not really useful to anyone. It's ok. You have worth not because you are amazing but because you are alive. You might want to look at upskilling or doing something useful in your community but that is so that you find your life more rich and fulfilling. It wouldnt increase your worth.

You sound very depressed. Id speak to your gp and probably try a course of anti depressants. You could try talk therapy but I've got the feeling that at the moment it might be better to do something to get you to stop thinking about and analysing yourself.

I really think this sounds like a low self esteem problem. Most people at the gym are focused on what they’re doing and don’t notice/laugh at others. Are you sure it is directed at you and not just they’re laughing/smiling at something else and you’re perceiving it to be a negative about you?

Also if men are matching with you and talking to you then they must find you at least somewhat attractive. Maybe you are suggesting meeting up too soon? If you are desperate to find a partner then that might be coming across in your messages and putting people off.

I would suggest just focusing on other things- spend time with loved ones, go to social events, take up some hobbies, join some groups. I know it’s hard to stop fixating on a perceived flaw, but it’s not going to benefit you to keep thinking about it.

I'm going to add another perspective: your parents' refusal to invest in your teeth was neglect, and it is hard to love oneself if you have been neglected. They had no reason not to pay for your braces (if they couldn't afford that they had no business having a child, but it sounds as if they didn't want to pay regardless of expense)
I'm not saying that there is nothing that you could do to change your appearance, but the fact that you can't recognise your (amazing!) weight loss suggests that your self image is very skewed, and I don't blame you for that.

Please don't read too much into men on online dating. For gods sake don't take validation from them. My mate is on the apps right now and shes getting endless men who want to chat or sex talk but no proper dates. I suspect they're mostly married men. I doubt you look anywhere near as bad as you claim, but I can't see you. I can however see my friend and she's lovely but still getting all the douchebags on the dating sites.

Yabvu

Girl I was in the same boat as you at 26. My mh was at 0 and I hated myself and the way I looked. Now at 33 I am angry about the 20s I lost due to insecurity and others bullying and put downs.

You're only 26! Thats so young!

Your only life project right now is you. You you you.

What have you always wanted to improve? Teeth is doable. There are financial plans and options.

You've lost a huge amount of weight. Well done!! Take your time to lose only enough so that you feel comfortable.

But size 16 to 18 isnt huge.

What do you like to do on your days off? Can you pick a new habit? Going to museums or the cinema alone. Going out for an evening to a music venue alone. Just to figure out who you are.

Not having had a relationship isnt a huge deal anymore. Loads of people are in the same boat.

Ive never had a relationship. Ive had situationships and worse but never been in love.

For me, my focus is on losing my weight and becoming Carrie Bradshaw! Thats my 2026 project 🙂

Sorry ive rambled but you are not alone and you ARE FUCKING NOT UGLY!

If you enjoy hiking OP I would suggest joining a local walking group. I had similar self esteem issues in the past and meeting lots of new friends really made a difference for me. Also getting outside is good for your brain.

I know it doesn't seem like a fix when your mind is pointing out everything that is wrong with you but perhaps give it a try.

I feel so sad for op too - l bet her friends amd colleagues have got lovely things to say about her.

They wouldn’t pay because my teeth are the same as my mum’s. She grew up in the times of people not really getting braces unless it was awful, so she never got them. At the time, she thought they added character. Now I hate them, but I’m 26 and they won’t pay for them because I’m an adult

Roald Dahl: "A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely."

I have never seen anyone who is ugly. Sure some people are better looking than others but no-one is ugly.
You need to work on your self confidence more than anything. Keep yourself looking nice. Perhaps see a hair dresser who can advise on a cut/colour etc to suit your hair type. Keep at it with the healthy eating and hiking. Treat yourself to a new outfit and go and get your nails done. Perhaps see a MUA for tips on make -up.
Try and meet people for friendship first. Dont expect to find a romantic partner straight away.

That is bullshit of your mother. You are 26 so unless she was very old when she had you, she is full of shit. I am 42 and had my crooked teeth fixed. Frankly, I think they should pay for them as they had no business not paying for them when you were growing up. However, there is no way to oblige them to do so, so could you save and have them done yourself? I remember how I hated my crooked teeth as a teen and was so much happier when they were fixed.

It's not neglect to not pay for private braces, bloody hell. There are many, many families who couldn't afford that.

Steve g jones, clinical hypnotherapist has a website where you can download I hypnosis CD on self-esteem. I Found that great.

I’m in my thirties now. Had lots of ups and downs. But I can remember being your age and nit picking everything about my appearance . Every flaw was the reason why I wasn’t happy.

Maybe it’s because I had so much shit happen in my late 20’s, I soon stopped caring . Of all the things to worry about, it wasn’t my appearance . With age and life experience, you’ll stop seeing it as the big issue you think it is.

I also wouldn’t worry about men on dating sites. They aren’t a good judge of attractiveness.

Come on…you have a career, a steady income and one life! Concentrate on making it the best you can, maybe good enough to share one day. with someone if they’re lucky enough. Male company often comes when you aren’t looking.

I bet you’re lovely. Well done in the weight loss. What else are you going to do to help yourself? Replace your worries with action.
No one who matters is looking at you at the gym, but if you not comfortable there start going for a half hour walk every night 15 mins there and back. It will help boost your mood. Take an interest in your surroundings. Do a different kind of exercise - dance, yoga free stuff online.
I got braces at the same time as my teenagers and it was the best thing ever. Talk to a good orthodontist. They can do wonders and offer payment plans.

Do you take a good multi vitamin? Bs and D hugely helpful with low mood.
Go to a different hairdresser and take their advice.
Volunteer, focus on other people, challenge yourself to do something different every week to find new interests and fun (library, exhibitions, charity events whatever in your area)
The world needs you.

I think there’s nothing wrong with a glow up if it’s going to contribute to improved self-esteem.

While surgery and dental work may be out of reach for you - is there anything else you could consider that will improve how you look / feel about yourself? Extensions? Hair pieces? Make up? Some flattering clothing? Gym membership or a fitness class? Invisalign could be affordable in the future by the way if you were to do it on a payment plan. Maybe that could incentivise you to progress in your employment.

I have thinning hair due to PCOS so I understand how you feel - hair is such a big thing for us ladies, it’s part of our identity and a symbol of beauty. I’m considering treatment or a topper.

On top of the above, I’d also try to exercise some self-compassion and kindness towards yourself, and therapy could be beneficial. You could consider some NHS therapy for self esteem?

If they can't afford it they can't afford kids! And OP said she didn't qualify for them on the NHS, which presumably means the family's income was high enough not to qualify.

I get my nails done, I do my makeup everyday but you can’t polish a turd. I wish I could post a picture without being very outing so you could all see it

You can pay monthly for Invisalign, it is sooo worth it. Highly recommend.

Your mum is talking shit. I’m 54 and had my teeth fixed as a kid. Please get some counselling, you are way too negative about yourself and this comes from neglect.