I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

[AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers]

And I don’t know what I can do about it

I have very fine hair. It’s like baby hair. It’s nothing health wise (I’m not losing it), there’s a lot of hair on my head but each strand is just so fine. I can’t style it or do anything with it. I have to get extensions to feel comfortable wearing it down. I take all the supplements and use all the serums but it doesn’t change a thing.

My teeth are crooked but I can’t afford braces. I didn’t qualify for braces on the NHS as a child and my parents wouldn’t pay for them because they thought my teeth “added character”. Now whenever I smile it looks like I’m missing a tooth at the front. I don’t smile with my mouth open because it just looks awful.

im fat, I’ve lost nearly 150 from my heaviest but I’m still a size 16-18. Nothing looks good on me and I want to hide my body all the time. I look the exact same as I did 150lbs ago.

I could do with a nose job, my nose is crooked and big, but I can’t afford it.

sometimes I just feel like giving up, I’m 26, I’ve never had a romantic relationship because nobody has ever found me attractive. I’ve tried all the dating apps but whenever I suggest meeting up with a guy he turns round and says no because he’s not feeling it. I try to meet people in person but nobody is even interested in talking to me.

it just feels like it’s been such a long time on my own already, the thought of doing another 50 years on my own just fills me with dread. I just want to cry when I think of my future because I feel like I’ll never meet anyone because I’m just genuinely ugly.

That quote, white sweet, doesn't help a 26 year old who is worrying about her attractiveness.

Between my hair and my weight I just feel so unfeminine

You sound really low - like, depression level low. I wonder if you need help from your GP.

On the romantic side, like other people have said, if you focus on you and your confidence, successful relationships will follow - but you really need to work on that and on being at peace with yourself before stressing out about being single. You're sooo young - I wonder what you're great at that you haven't discovered yet?

Also - the internet is a brutal place to try to find a man; you're far from alone in having no luck. That's dating in the modern world, not you. x

I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling so low about yourself. I would say you urgently need to do some work on how to build up some self esteem starting with how you speak to yourself / about yourself. It’s not easy but you need to think would you ever say all those things you are saying about yourself about a friend - I’m assuming the answer is no, so why are you saying them to yourself? Life is hard enough you need to be your own best friend. Even if you can’t bring yourself to say what you like about yourself physically right now you could start with “I’m a kind person” “I’m a reliable friend” “I work hard” etc. start trying to see yourself in a more positive light even if it’s baby steps. I’d really recommend this workbook below I’m not massively into self help books but I found it really great. I hope you start feeling better soon. I also agree with others that it sounds like you might be depressed and it would be worth visiting your GP and or seeking talk therapy. Making that step is hard but it will be worth it in the long run I promise you.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Meet-Your-Self-Nicole-LePera/dp/1398710733/ref=ascdf1398710733?mcid=6d2dc23e05fb39e2b8cd4e2788edfc30&th=1&psc=1&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=697270414247&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=13928392495249303933&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9222618&hvtargid=pla-1674746733963&psc=1&hvocijid=13928392495249303933-1398710733-&hvexpln=0&gadsource=1

OP get the therapy. I mean the chance of any of us here being exceptional, in any way at all, is minimal but that is very much not the point. To be a person is to be good enough. You won’t be happy until you accept that.

Don’t like your teeth then get your own payment plan and fix them. That is easy enough and other than that focus on friends and fun. What do you like - work it out and do more of it. Build friends and activities and from there build your world .You have so much time and once you believe you matter the rest will become easier.

Nobody is laughing at you in the gym. I've been a gym goer for nearly 20 years, in cities all over the UK, from cheapest council stuff to the poshest private ones, with gym goers of every description. Nobody laughs, everyone is welcome.

Maybe you aren't stunningly beautiful, neither am I, neither are most people. Sounds like most of the physical issues are fixable but that the real issue is psychological. That'll hold you back like nothing else.

Bless you. It doesn’t need to stay that way though. There are plenty of mid, to plus size influencers on TikTok and instagram for style inspiration. Do remember that true beauty comes from within. Try to look after yourself, and the improved confidence will come but you must be kind and encouraging, not self critical and mean. That won’t help you, OP

Agree with everything everybody above has said, and just wanted to add something.

There was a certain aspect of my body that I struggled with for years and, over time, caused me to have really low confidence. Eventually, I had costmetic surgery to correct it. I admit, it has really helped me with my confidence in that particular area of my body. However, I now focus on other things I don't like about myself. I now notice that my nose is really long. And my teeth aren't as nice as they once were. And my hairline is awful. And I hate being in photos because of all of these reasons. Before my surgery, I didn't even notice them, because I was too focused on my other issue.
My point is, my main issue is self-esteem. I will always find something to not like about myself because I don't have enough self-esteem, even after spending 6k I had to take out in loans to fix what I thought was the problem!
Your posts make it clear that your issue is self-esteem, you talk down on your entire self, not just looks but your job and your hobby. You've done amazing to lose 150lb but can't see it yourself. I agree with what the pp said re the dating apps, you are matching with men, so they must like what they see. They are probably picking up on your low confidence. Try to work through that first x

💯

I am so sorry you feel this way. You sound like a nice person and probably quite fun to be around because you have interesting hobbies (I can't say I watch sports, but I love baking and hiking!).

I am quite a lot older than you (old enough to be your mother) so perhaps I can offer some hope that things do get better as you get older. If you are anything like me, you will go from really hating yourself to actually quite liking yourself as a person and enjoying your own company. You will then attract people without even trying.

Something you can do in the meantime which really works, I promise you: speak to yourself as if you are speaking to yourself as a little girl. You will only want to say lovely things to a younger version of yourself. Good luck, and hang in there xx

I’ve been there done that with my GP, when I was 14 and cutting myself and 21 and unable to function due to anxiety, and 23 and grieving. Every time I’m told the same “lose weight”, so it’s a no go I’m afraid

Unlikely anyone even notices you are there.

A good thought to keep in your head is you are not that important that everyone is looking at you. Most people in the gym are concentrating on themselves and trying to avoid seeing themselves in the floor to ceiling mirrors.

Call a therapist ASAP. Your negative view of yourself will put men off. No one wants to be around someone so miserable sounding.

My mum’s in her 60s, and either way I didn’t get braces as a kid, it doesn’t make her a bad mum

So many great suggestions here for you and so many supportive strangers. You are worthy and that is evident from your posts.
Ill say it again- you can get out of this mindset - and carry on with the glowup why not?

You’ve lost 150lb! You’re amazing! You’ll look immeasurably different to when you were larger, there’s no way you won’t. The problem is not your looks its your self esteem. I know even without seeing you that there’s nothing wrong with how you look. Big hugs x

You are really unkind to yourself! Sort that out first, as a priority. If you spoke to someone else that way, you'd break their heart. If you spoke to them like that all day every day, it would rightly be considered the worst kind of abuse.

You don't deserve to be spoken to that way, OP. You don't deserve cruelty.

What's more, it doesn't help. You can't bully yourself into a better life.

You can, however, love yourself into one.

Here's a small, tiny, truly tiny thing you can do: make a promise to yourself that every time you look in the mirror, every time you catch your reflection, you will give yourself a smile. I know you won't feel it, it won't be a genuine smile at first. But do it, every single time. You're going to retrain your brain to stop hating and punishing yourself. It's slow, but it works.

@AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers have you thought of working abroad?

My friend felt like you she went out to work for a charity in Uganda. She was respected for her skills out there. She met a Ugandan who loved the bones of her. They married and now have a family.

100%, read the book 'Women don't owe you pretty.' It took me a long time to accept that it is not mandatory to look a certain way. It's easy to get sucked into thinking this, looking at social media, but in the real world, most people are just normal. And that is absolutely fine.

Absolutely, by definition, most people are absolutely average, and therefore there will be people below average and people above average. There is nothing wrong with that.

And do what? I have no skills to offer anyone

Its a saying as old as time, but your health is your wealth.

I used to worry about similar things to you, and it got me down. But this year I have had a life changing health issue and my life will never be the same again. I wish with all my heart I could go back a year and give myself a talking to.

If you have a body that works and moves, friends and a roof over your head, life can be good. Enjoy the quiet times in nature, a good bake, a good show on TV. It's a far better life than many have.

I get that you want to defend her, but she failed you in that respect. I'm not saying she was a bad mother in all respects, but she (and your father!) had a responsibility to fix your teeth and they didn't do it. I can see from your posts that you have a hard time seeing yourself as worthy, and that will partially come from upbringing. All the stories we tell ourselves do.
I have maybe in some ways the opposite problem to you in that my parents were always pushing me to excel: I had certain gifts and a certain appearance that they thought was worth investing in, and it took me a long time to work out what I was aside from the idealised image they projected on me.

This is absolutely true! You don't have to change the world, but little actions can make a difference and make you feel great about yourself. I bake cakes for Cats Protection fundraisers and foster cats and kittens. Am I changing the world? No, but for a handful of cats and kittens, I am changing their world. And that makes me feel great.
Try starting with something like that, and I promise it will creep into other areas of your life in the most positive way xx

One of my best friends is stunning, like stop and stare stunning. She is miserable, has awful anxiety and panic attacks and her last boyfriend cheated on her repeatedly and since joining an online dating site she has been ghosted by several men, the last one just didn’t turn up to the restaurant.
being attractive isn’t the best all and end all. I have fine hair, can’t keep a curl- so I don’t curl it, I don’t give my hair a second thought once I’m out and about. I’m overweight but I work out and I’m active, I had a load of shit boyfriends but found someone when I thought it was never going to happen. Everyone thinks I have great exciting job - I hate it and it’s making me ill. My point is everyone no matter what has shit they don’t like / things that make them unhappy. Being pretty / slim/ successful career doesn’t change that!!

Are you insane? Children don’t pay for their dental care, it’s free on the nhs. She won’t have qualified because her teeth won’t have been deemed crooked enough, not because her parents were idiotic enough to have a child when they couldn’t afford thousands of pounds in dental costs. How ridiculous.