I’m coming to terms with the fact I’m really very ugly

[AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers]

And I don’t know what I can do about it

I have very fine hair. It’s like baby hair. It’s nothing health wise (I’m not losing it), there’s a lot of hair on my head but each strand is just so fine. I can’t style it or do anything with it. I have to get extensions to feel comfortable wearing it down. I take all the supplements and use all the serums but it doesn’t change a thing.

My teeth are crooked but I can’t afford braces. I didn’t qualify for braces on the NHS as a child and my parents wouldn’t pay for them because they thought my teeth “added character”. Now whenever I smile it looks like I’m missing a tooth at the front. I don’t smile with my mouth open because it just looks awful.

im fat, I’ve lost nearly 150 from my heaviest but I’m still a size 16-18. Nothing looks good on me and I want to hide my body all the time. I look the exact same as I did 150lbs ago.

I could do with a nose job, my nose is crooked and big, but I can’t afford it.

sometimes I just feel like giving up, I’m 26, I’ve never had a romantic relationship because nobody has ever found me attractive. I’ve tried all the dating apps but whenever I suggest meeting up with a guy he turns round and says no because he’s not feeling it. I try to meet people in person but nobody is even interested in talking to me.

it just feels like it’s been such a long time on my own already, the thought of doing another 50 years on my own just fills me with dread. I just want to cry when I think of my future because I feel like I’ll never meet anyone because I’m just genuinely ugly.

It's a great hobby to have, and you can make a career out of it. I'm not saying you should, but if you want to, there's people who do that. And if you want a husband and kids (there's nothing wrong with not having those, that's your choice!), they'll no doubt love to get involved too.
Decent men and women aren't obsessed with looks; even if you were the most classically beautiful super model, looks fade, and when my kids are old enough to date, I'd much rather they chose a kind person.

Absolutely this OP. It’s not your appearance but your attitude to yourself.
Work on your self esteem.
I promise you that people don’t care how you look. They’re more interested in how you behave and come across and at present it’s very negative.
I bet there’s nothing wrong with your appearance . You're just being very hard on yourself.

If you want to feel better about your looks perhaps pay for a session with a really good hairdresser to get advice on what haircut would suit you best.

Clothes can also do a lot. Supermodels look good in anything but the rest of us mere mortals need to dress to flatter their body shape/colouring. I've heard good things about colourmebeautiful stylists.

You could also potentially get braces now as an adult. Obviously not a quick or cheap fix but perhaps worth it if it keeps you feel able to smile freely.

But I also agree with the other posters saying you need to change your mindset. Have a look at couples in cafés/parks/on the street. Are all the women thin, perfect hair and drop dead beautiful? No. They're normal people just like you. Lots don't have perfect teeth and if you're a size 16 you're pretty average for the UK (though incredibly well done on your weightloss! Hope you keep it up if it helps you gain confidence).

It really is true that people are attracted to a positive attitude and confidence. Just think - would you fancy a man who hides away from the world and constantly runs down his own looks? (Not saying you're doing this, I'm just giving an example). Someone upbeat and fun to be around would be much more attractive!

Sounds like you have hobbies and are living life. That's great, keep cultivating that (side note, is there any way of starting a side business making fancy cakes or something?). Then to actually meet a potential bf... I admit it's not easy to find the right man. Just remember that you don't need lots of people to want to date you - you just need one person to like you and to like them back.

It's often easier to feel relaxed when there's not the immediate pressure of a date, so perhaps stay off the dating apps for a bit until you feel more confident in yourself. You could instead join a hobby group where you'll get to know new people. Try meetup.com - there are groups for photography/boardgames/coffee/languages/chess/hiking and pretty much anything else you can think of.

I bet you would look great with a short hair cut. I know you're going to answer that you're too fat, but bigger women look GREAT with short hair--do a google. The short hair isn't going to fix the fact that you feel fundamentally unloveable though. If you don't want to do talk therapy, pick up a copy of We Women Everywhere. I don't do well with self help books, but that one was great.

I agree with everyone else OP, none of us know what you look like, but we can tell you definitely sound very unhappy and depressed, and you clearly have a deeply negative skewed view of yourself. Please see your GP about your low mood and find a therapist. Why would that be a "piss take?" Why do you feel so undeserving?

You clearly have brains and the ability to focus on your goals, which puts you way ahead of the average person. And you're so young, you have tons of time to figure out a fulfilling career that suits you. Come off the dating apps for now, because it's making you feel like crap, and you can't possibly build a positive relationship with someone until you learn to be nicer to yourself and to esteem yourself more highly.

It’s all about how you present yourself!
It really is confidence & personal style.

There are people worse looking than you who have found love, and plenty of it.

I bet you’re beautiful & are struggling with self esteem issues.

You should absolutely speak to a therapist about this. You don’t want to waste your life feeling this way. Even if what you say is true - which I’m sure it isn’t, you need to reframe your thinking to be more positive and look for joy in other areas. I can promise you most romantic relationships are not what they appear and there’s a lot to be said about decentering men, I think very few women, regardless of beauty, are actually happy in relationships. If I could have my time again I would spend more time focusing on me, friendship and hobbies.

You've lost 150 pounds?? Omg how amazing is that!! Well done.
I can understand the teeth thing as I was very conscious of my teeth. I recently got composite bonding instead of braces and its made a huge difference. If you genuinely wanted braces alot of dentists do payment plans. I bet your nose and hair look fine to everyone else. You sound down in yourself, I bet you look much better than you think and in any case being pretty isn't the most important thing! You sound a decent human. Wishing you the best x

You sound very down which means you will only see the negatives about yourself. You have lost a tremendous amount of weight and that is something you can be proud of.

I understand your situation with your teeth as I had crooked teeth until my thirties when I earned enough to finally pay for braces. Is there any way you could finance braces yourself or ask your parents for a loan for example? They may not want to gift you the money but may be in a position to give you an interest-free loan. If not, could you get a loan from a financial institute or find an orthodontist who can bill you progressively rather than all in one go? There may even be a credit option with some orthodontists.

In relation to your hair, it may be hereditary but it could also be dietary if you and your mum eat the same foods. Iron and vitamin D deficiencies are common causes of thin hair in women. It may be worthwhile getting a blood test to see if you are missing any vital vitamins and also ensuring you are eating foods that are essential for healthy hair such as eggs, chicken, lentils & salmon.

I was anemic most of my childhood because of a poor diet but only realized this in my late teens after I donated blood and didn't get my period for months.

What about joining a club or taking up a new hobby or volunteering for a charity etc to meet new people. You have a lot to offer and have your whole life ahead of you.

Op, this problem you have can be solved.
take steps towards changing what is in your control to improve your confidence.

you can definitely find help to fix your teeth, a beautiful smile really does help, make that a priority

you did well losing 150lbs, so keep going and lose a bit more until you reach your ideal weight

work on improving your career opportunities, it’s not about being highly intelligent, it’s about resilience, effort, determination

lastley, I woukd really recommend finding a sport you can practice regularly with other people, for example running is really great, there are people with all abilities and it helps so much with boosting the feel good hormones

you can do this!!!

Just to point out the obvious - your mum has similar teeth and it didn't stop her marrying and having a family. So there's no reason to think it would stop you.

I'm sure many people here will try to console you and tell you it's not as bad as you imagine, but I don't have time for that and will take you seriously.

First, forget your hair. Even if you're right, it's common and inconsequential.

Second, the one thing you should save up to spend on is your teeth. I know that teeth aren't emphasized as much in the UK as the USA, but they can be crucial, not just in terms of romance but in terms of your job. Do you have student clinics attached to dental schools, where they might be able to help more cheaply?

Third, I doubt you look the same with the last weight - that's amazing, by the way - but try to think of that as your new foundation. Are you exercising to make sure the weight comes off in the right places? Remember, things won't automatically look good on you just because you weight less. You still have to shop and choose carefully. Keep up the good work and don't be discouraged.

Fourth, we all want to be pretty, but don't convince yourself that that's the only factor. Maybe people aren't interested in talking to you because, well, maybe you're not interesting. Make sure you're a good conversationalist. Make sure you're knowledgeable, so that you have a lot of conversational fodder. Make sure that you at least SEEM happy and approachable, not with a gloomy hangdog look. Think about avoiding dating apps, because those will be based on looks. Try to create a non-romantic social life as a starting point, to create d wider social circle. How about having a Christmas party?

Best of luck.

I haven't read all the responses but I've read all your posts and here are my thoughts:

Come off the apps for now. You can still have getting a partner as a long-term goal, but focus on yourself for now. My worry is that even if you get a partner now, your self-esteem is so low that you would put up with anything from a partner in order to keep them, and that's not healthy.

Yes, you can go to therapy for feeling this way and you should.

Start saving for braces. If you're good at baking, can you start a side hustle making cakes? Or baked goods for busy parents who don't have time/aren't good at baking but want their kids to have homemade treats in their lunchboxes? This would give you something to do in your spare time and extra cash to put towards your braces. Your parents don't have to pay for your braces but ask them for cash for your birthdays and Christmas. Put this towards the braces also.

Join a walking group, etc. as PPs have suggested.

@AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers i also think you need therapy .
I miss my nhs job can’t go back due to health .
Go on to you tube and follow “kinging it “ and watch there journey from the start. Amy has fine hair and is starting her own wig range.
Genuinely makes me want to purchase some wigs. Is this an idea ?
Id also continue with the gym , although can’t believe people would laugh .
I also think well on anyone “bettering “ themselves.

@AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers

I want you to apply for this job. Just because you have to start somewhere and learn to dream.

"Associate Lawyer Job in Makati City - Jobstreet" https://ph.jobstreet.com/job/88744760?type=standard&ref=search-standalone#sol=bbb12e5a3b77a3baac12f047a21e1af9536872bc

You are entirely focused on the negative aspects of your looks, to the exclusion of any positives. This is totally understandable, many people, with, say, a nose they hate will feel just as bad about just that one aspect and won't be happy until they get it fixed.

You are only young. You can make short, medium and long term plans to get yourself to a place where you are as happy with yourself as you can be.

You need to change the things you can change (keep losing weight, hair extensions, payment plan for teeth, save for nose job) and get counselling to help you learn to focus on your attractive qualities instead of solely negative ones. I refuse to believe you lack any attractive features. You just can't see them because you are focused on the things you hate.

Confidence is very attractive. Walking tall, smiling, walking around like you are gods gift shows on you. Shrinking away, hunching, not smiling, apologising to the world for existing, make even beautiful people seem unattractive.

You can improve this situation, only you can..but it is in your gift..
Start now, and make future you a happy glowing 40 year old queen!

Yes, you absolutely can, and no, it's not a piss-take. You sound like you're in a lot of pain and that's not trivial, it's what therapy is for.

Please listen to your self-talk. The way to really hear it is to imagine you are saying these things to a dear friend or loved family member.

You wouldn't talk like that to them. You would think it incredibly cruel and heartless and bullying. So please recognise it is harsh and bullying to talk about yourself in this way.

Things I could say about you - not even having met you, which are more loving are: @AutumnLeavesandKnittedJumpers is phenomenal - she has lost 150lb. That is a remarkable achievement and there is no easy way of doing this – so whether it is by dieting or injections or gastric band - she has shown incredible self-discipline and focus on her goal and I admire her immensely for that.

Does reading that sort of thing make you cringe? because if it does, you need to work on talking to yourself with this level of kindness and respect until you have normalised it.

You can't possibly look the same at size 16 that you did when you were twice that weight That's distorted thinking. Buy yourself some good jeans and cords that suit your body type, a couple of well cut jumpers in gorgeous colours, get your nails and brows done, and experiment with some make up that adds definition and colour to your skin.

Your looks aren't stopping you from meeting a man, your self-talk is. I have known loads of women who are far from conventionally attractive, who are in happy long term relationships. or who successfully have flings. What they have in common is a bit of positive energy about themselves and their power to attract people.

Congratulations on your weight loss. That’s a huge and valuable achievement. You can keep it going.

Prople really don’t go around judging whether others are objectively good looking or not. Mostly, people read body language, but otherwise only notice if someone is particularly inappropriately dressed or wearing something super lovely. So, as you lose more weight, you’ll feel more confident, stand taller and look and feel great.

Princess Di had a wonky nose, yet everyone thought she was beautiful.

Op forget about the dating you need to concentrate on you. Teeth a brace could you pay monthly? Lots of people do not tie their hair up. But you can colour it and change the cut. But most importantly your self worth and mental health need working on first. I would seek out a therapist for a first step.

Most people don’t have special talents. Stop being so hard on yourself. You are a talented baker and you have the perseverance to lose a huge amount of weight. I expect you have other lovely qualities too, like being a loyal friend or a reliable colleague.

It sounds like you might have come from a family like mine where criticising of your looks and person was the norm. It was done in my family both blatantly and very subtly and although I was (I can see now, from photos) an attractive young woman, I also grew up feeling ugly because of this. Your parents failed you in this, as did mine. They did it for their own reasons, but they were not good reasons. Part of growing up is starting to find your own definition of yourself, outside of the pernicious messages heard in childhood and beyond. It may be a long journey, but it's worth it.

I have never met an “ugly” woman who couldn’t get a man if she wanted one. Granted, the men were much uglier than them - there are an awful lot of very ugly men out there. Take your pick.

Ooof. I think you need to focus on your mind - therapy and / or Sertraline, whatever is feasible. There's no need to spend your life being unhappy like you are! And additionally positivity is attractive, unless a person happens to be as stunning as Your Woman in Twilight, when you can pull off a pouty "mysterious and tortured" vibe. So maybe 5% of population.

Do you have children? If not, you must at least be purt and in control of your urinary continence! No-one appreciates it, until it's gone. You can also save up to get your teeth / nose done, if you're that bothered, as your money is your own. Maybe go abroad (somewhere reputable, obviously!).

Lastly, a lot of blokes seem to be fun for a bit, then slowly stop bothering and become generally disagreeable and hard work (even if you're a stone cold fox). I really wouldn't pin your self worth / ability to feel happiness on their moods, because you're setting yourself up for misery, even if you do get a good one. Don't know whether that cheers you up, or makes you feel worse! Sorry if the later. Either way, it is true x

Can get braces on Groupon or teeth done in Turkey.