I got all dressed up and DH called me Mr Bean. AIBU to be upset !?

[Christmaspuddingpinky]

I work in a role that usually requires quite casual dress, but on certain occasions I’m required to attend formal meetings.
Today I woke up super early, before the children, washed and blow-dried my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and wore a dress. I actually felt really good for a change.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my DH, who said, “You look like Mr Bean.”
I replied, “I feel really nice today—why would you say that?”
He answered, “You just look like Mr Bean when he’s all dressed up in his jacket and suit. I’m only joking, for goodness’ sake.”

I can’t understand why he couldn’t simply say that I looked nice. I’m not a supermodel, but I made an effort and felt good. I’ve worked hard to shed weight after the babies and slowly feel good again . His comment felt unkind to me. I always acknowledge it when DH makes an effort; I wouldn’t make a silly remark knowing he was feeling good about himself.

I know would like more sex . We have had two small people but when he makes me feel like this, why would I want to?
He always says he’s “only joking” and that I’m too serious, but his comment really felt unkind. Maybe he doesn’t fancy me (which is fine), maybe it was a joke, or maybe it was a put-down.

AIBU to be annoyed, or am I just wasting my time?

DH is a good dad, does a lot of housework, and is generous with money—we share all finances, and he earns a lot more. I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

Its a bit tight but a bit funny too. Depending on my mood, I would either laugh or punch him.

Yeah I'd feel deflated too.

It's only a joke if it makes you laugh.

What i don't understand is that once you've said that was hurtful, why wouldn't he say sorry, he didn't mean it to be horrible, give you a hug?

Doubling down oh it's only a joke. Well it's not is it. It's at your expense. Hope you have a good day at work OP.

God these men are so funny aren't they. I'm really annoyed with my husband today over a comment he made to me last night. They're so perfect themselves aren't they. Why is it so difficult to be nice to your wife. Sod him op. Hope you have a great day, don't let him knock your confidence.

Yes it was unkind . I find it weird he said Mr.Bean who ( from memory ) just wears trousers and a jacket . I would disregard his remark and put it down to lack of intelligence !
Go out and be proud of how you look .

I wouldn't see the funny side either. I wore a new black and white striped skirt once and dh told me I looked like a badger which totally deflated my confidence and then I never wore the skirt.

They're not jokes. They are him putting you down and disguising it as a joke.

The Mr Bean comment was particularly nasty. He wanted to destroy your confidence before your important meeting.

He needs to bring you down to make himself seem bigger. He is a nasty man.

“You really know how to be nice and get people in the mood … or not”
Eyeroll, shoulders shrug and you walk out

And you have a conversation, if he has gripes about your physical appearance, he owns it, or he shuts up until the end of days.

Next time he's naked say he looks like Philip Schofield with Gordon the Gopher...

I don’t see why anyone would think it was funny, though. Mr Bean is a pie-faced man with funny eyebrows who wears the same suit and tie always. It seems like a weird comparison to a woman with a fresh blowdry and makeup, wearing a dress, even if your intention is to be funny, rather than cruel.

@Christmaspuddingpinky This is one of those weird jokes where the joke doesn't actually make sense. I've heard a few like this and I don't understand why people think jokes like this are funny.

"You look like Mr Bean" would be funny if it was directed at someone who actually looks like Mr Bean, but the description in your post confirms that you do not look anything like Mr Bean.

How weird to make a comment that doesn't make sense, and then not explain it...

There is something here about belittling you when you are clearly ready and looking nice to go and do something outside the house that doesn't relate to him, his house, his children, or his cock. I'm sure he doesn't know he did that, but he did and it makes him look not very nice. You should tell him. Men need reminding about their deep social conditioning that tells them women only exist in relation to them. They need to listen too. I'm sure he is actually a good person but we are all wankers sometimes, the key is whether it not we recognise it and change the wanker behaviour.

It was definitely unkind and insulting and meant to dent your confidence. It was pretty stupid as well if he is complaining about the lack of sex in your marriage as nothing turns a woman off more quickly than childish insults about how she looks.

This.

claiming to be “only joking” is a common tactic of bullies. Cowardly bullies.

Its never the joke, it's always the context. A remark like that in the context of a secure relationship where you know you're respected, regarded, loved and desired is just a poor attempt at humour, but nothing to be upset by. A remark like that when there are tensions takes on greater significance.

Very much spot on the way you said it! 😡
(Some of these covert bastards).
I don't see any sort of a joke in this, it's an odd reaction. My husband is proud if he can hold my hand outside (whether I make myself look nice etc or not).
Oh, edit - he might also be jealous of the OP's job, being able to look good while working and having kids.
Ugh.

I would say !
U more than likely looked lovely and he felt insecure so by making that comment /joke he was putting his insecurities onto u ? Because before that u felt good !
I would think hard about where to go from here because nothing worse being with and insecure male x

Its only a joke if its funny to both people, otherwise its just bullying.

He'd have recognised that this morning you were dressed up in a manner you dont normally do, and so instead of saying you look nice he chose to put you down.

What a ridiculous comment by your husband. Does he normally say these sorts of things - is it part of his personality? Bastard. I bet you looked really lovely!

Do it to him and add only joking as well. Give it back to him.

I can see both sides. I bought yellow rain mac and thought I looked ok, DH remarked I looked like Captain Birdseye.

It was funny because, I did. Same as when I wore a cream coat and a red scarf, he commented I looked like shakin Steven’s…

BUT i know in my case it was just a lighthearted joke, I can absolutely see that if you’ve spent time on your appearance, and are feeling good, it’s really deflating when someone doesn’t just say something nice!

He's a knob head. He wants you to think you look masculine and awkward, especially after you've gone to effort to look feminine.

Why does he want to try and bring you down a peg or two?

Tell him that if he does it again then you will start to comment on his appearance too and you won't be positive anymore.

It's not the same thing. Mr Bean doesn't wear a dress.

Not sure why people look to excuse men's shitty behaviour.

Tell him to fuck off.

That's not a joke - that you look like Mr Bean? Your husband is a jerk.

I think it was just a terribly phrased joke/mind fart on his behalf rather than a pointed dig.

The real issue is the lack of ability to accept that what he said was wrong and apologise though. Instead he put it back on you as if it's your fault for being upset. That's indicative of a wider problem.