I got all dressed up and DH called me Mr Bean. AIBU to be upset !?

[Christmaspuddingpinky]

I work in a role that usually requires quite casual dress, but on certain occasions I’m required to attend formal meetings.
Today I woke up super early, before the children, washed and blow-dried my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and wore a dress. I actually felt really good for a change.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my DH, who said, “You look like Mr Bean.”
I replied, “I feel really nice today—why would you say that?”
He answered, “You just look like Mr Bean when he’s all dressed up in his jacket and suit. I’m only joking, for goodness’ sake.”

I can’t understand why he couldn’t simply say that I looked nice. I’m not a supermodel, but I made an effort and felt good. I’ve worked hard to shed weight after the babies and slowly feel good again . His comment felt unkind to me. I always acknowledge it when DH makes an effort; I wouldn’t make a silly remark knowing he was feeling good about himself.

I know would like more sex . We have had two small people but when he makes me feel like this, why would I want to?
He always says he’s “only joking” and that I’m too serious, but his comment really felt unkind. Maybe he doesn’t fancy me (which is fine), maybe it was a joke, or maybe it was a put-down.

AIBU to be annoyed, or am I just wasting my time?

DH is a good dad, does a lot of housework, and is generous with money—we share all finances, and he earns a lot more. I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

Do you think he meant Mr Benn?

As in the guy who puts on a different disguise/costume for different occasions and stories.

I mean I don't think he should passed much more comment than 'you look lovely dear' but that would make more sense than Mr Bean, which I can't understand the comment at all

If he was just joking and not setting out to hurt your feelings, then I think you're being tad unreasonable.

No, I don't.
My dh thinks I'm gorgeous and beautiful however I look.

But my exbil says stupid stuff and honestly he just doesn't think. He is one of the nicest people otherwise. We pull him up on it but it's like his brain and mouth are not connected. He's from Yorkshire though so it could be that. 😆

Classic, and obvious, negging.
Mr bean doesn't get all dressed up. His jacket and tie is his normal day wear, so that makes no sense. Added to that, you had done your makeup and are wearing a dress!
I suppose he may have a point if you were done up like this..😆

I reckon you're right! Makes much more sense. OP, I would ask him if he meant this and also point out to him that it really knocked your confidence and that a 'you look lovely' comment or similar would have been much more supportive.

I've never heard anyone say men don't know any better as an excuse, that must be the people you mix with.

Lol, you said it when you said that 'Do you really think men put that much thought into it?'

That implies that men can't be mean because they don't know any better.

Not sure why you're blaming it on the 'men I mix with'.

When you say that men just say the first thing that comes into their head, it's not only untrue, it also lets them off the hook because you're saying they're never accountable for their words.

Wow, some serious over reactions here!

Anyone suggested LTB yet 😂

Ahhh, now that would have been funny and affectionate. I loved Mr Benn.

You looked nice and he chose to put you down with an unfunny joke that he didn't even apologise for. Even after you expressed that it was hurtful. He just doubled down. I'd be making an effort to look nice more often and monitor his behaviour - don't let little digs or other attempts to undermine your confidence slide under the radar. I'd also be having a discussion tonight about his "jokes" and let him know that they aren't kind and you wouldn't say that sort of thing to him so you'd appreciate it if he didn't make jokes at your expense either (even though honestly, he isn't 6 so he does know this already).

Well he doesn't he sometimes wear a suit and a briefcase

I've got a parent like this! Who has never grasped that this stuff is only okay if:

• both people find it funny

And

• its way outweighed by nice comments

This is an insane overreaction. Your husband makes a stupid joke so you never have sex with him again? FFS.

OP wasn’t wearing a suit or carrying a briefcase. She wore a dress and make up.

I can't imagine my DH ever saying something like this if I'd made the effort to dress up and do my hair and makeup! To me, it sounds like a put down designed to dent your confidence, disguised as a joke. Which is horrible, especially coming from the person who's supposed to boost you up!

" We have had two small people"

Do you mean children?

We need a pitcher op.

And how, precisely, does Mr Bean have a "posh persona"?
Not only was his comment not a joke (because it was neither funny or clever), it was actually moronic. Saying he was "just being silly" is a huge understatement - don't make excuses for such idiocy.

I’m trying to imagine how you being all dressed up with make up on can possibly look like Mr Bean, he sounds like a dick

I like the Mr Benn theory too 😅

Its only a joke if both people are laughing....otherwise its a put down/bullying or just unpleasant/unnecessary. He should have immediately apologised for hurting your feelings.

My ex did this. By the time I was ready to divorce him I was viciously roasting him at every opportunity. He tearfully begged me to stop and told me how it was ruining his confidence and making him feel bad about himself. I took a leaf out of his book and pretended to be too stupid to understand. Other times I would pretend to be exasperated and say can’t you take a joke? You’re so sensitive!

Has your nose grown? Why are you wearing your dad’s trousers? Jokes about having built up shoes, his hairline, the way he stood, his teeth. It was glorious and affected him far more than it had ever affected me.

My ex told me that I looked like Cousin It from the Addams family. he said the first time we talked over the phone he thought I was a drunk by the way I talk. There were always these little digs that were supposed to be jokes but they weren’t.

the sex stopped because I couldn’t be attracted to someone that made comments like this about me regularly. of couse he complained about it and couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t want him to touch me.

some people are simply mean and are bullies. And they find it easy to be this way to someone close to them.

He got defensive and embarrassed when you pulled him up on it . But that's your fault because he was only joking . I think it is a very British trait that men often tease people on clothes or appearance. Especially to each other . God forbid their friends get a haircut or a new jacket, shoes. Have to find something to remark on taking the piss . Remind him that you are not his bloody mate down the pub and needs to shut his mouth .

This x 1000

It's only a joke if you laughed. You didn't, so therefore it's not a joke or funny. Quite honestly it's a weird thing to say, what were you wearing for your husband to even think of Mr Bean? My immediate thought is the fact you did look fabulous, and your husband doesn't want other men to find you attractive, so tried to make you feel bad about yourself. You say you've lost weight, some men aren't supportive when their wife/girlfriend try to do this, because they feel insecure in themselves that their wife/girlfriend might find someone else - so they resort to 'put downs'. Is this possible?