I got all dressed up and DH called me Mr Bean. AIBU to be upset !?

[Christmaspuddingpinky]

I work in a role that usually requires quite casual dress, but on certain occasions I’m required to attend formal meetings.
Today I woke up super early, before the children, washed and blow-dried my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and wore a dress. I actually felt really good for a change.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my DH, who said, “You look like Mr Bean.”
I replied, “I feel really nice today—why would you say that?”
He answered, “You just look like Mr Bean when he’s all dressed up in his jacket and suit. I’m only joking, for goodness’ sake.”

I can’t understand why he couldn’t simply say that I looked nice. I’m not a supermodel, but I made an effort and felt good. I’ve worked hard to shed weight after the babies and slowly feel good again . His comment felt unkind to me. I always acknowledge it when DH makes an effort; I wouldn’t make a silly remark knowing he was feeling good about himself.

I know would like more sex . We have had two small people but when he makes me feel like this, why would I want to?
He always says he’s “only joking” and that I’m too serious, but his comment really felt unkind. Maybe he doesn’t fancy me (which is fine), maybe it was a joke, or maybe it was a put-down.

AIBU to be annoyed, or am I just wasting my time?

DH is a good dad, does a lot of housework, and is generous with money—we share all finances, and he earns a lot more. I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

I re-read the OP, and was struck by I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

This isn't a one-off then - this is a man with low self-esteem who makes himself feel better by denigrating his wife.

This "joke" doesn't work at all. It's a put-down designed to dent the OP's confidence. What an insecure little man her husband is.

I'm betting that you looked absolutely lovely, OP.

I don't think it is, either.

Absolutely spot on.

I’d have replied, “that’s a funny one. You look like a guy whose balls are going to be pretty blue if he keeps making comments like that.”

I have a DP who sometimes makes remarks like this. He thinks it’s hilarious. He genuinely doesn’t understand why I get upset and seems to think I should just laugh along. He does make self deprecating jokes about himself, so I reckon he thinks that gives him carte blanche to joke about me too. Well, it bloody well doesn’t. It’s the sort of thing you expect from an annoying younger brother when you’re teenagers, not a partner.

It is meant to knock your confidence. The last think a man wants is a confident woman, because a confident woman might get the idea she has options other than him. A man like this will see to it that your wings are clipped nicely every now and then ~ and oh, of course it's a joke.

Next time he makes advances in the bedroom, take a scoffing look at his penis and tell him he looks like Mr bean and that you don't fancy him much.

Only joking.

Ha fucking ha.

See how he likes it.

Agreed. Sounds like a purposeful attempt to demean whilst also being so ridiculous as to make himself sound utterly thick. Bizarre!

These people (mostly blokes, it seems) who claim things are ‘just jokes’ or ‘banter’ …apart from anything else they’ve got a really shit sense of humour.
if you’ve got a GSOH - a prized attribute - you can tell when the other person finds a ‘quip’ funny and when they don’t, and you don’t double down keep repeating your error.

Start bantering back, you’ll find an achilles heal, what about Droopy Nuts as a pet / nickname?

In your case I don't think it means he thinks you look like Rowan Atkinson, it's probably just not what you normally wear and maybe he felt you looked little self conscious or something...?

So why didn't he say that?

I would imagine because he has the level of maturity in humour of a fifteen year old boy but as I'm not him, I don't really know.

I'm no oil painting.

On those rare occasions when I dressed up and put on a bit of make-up - and was feeling self-conscious - my late husband would say "You're looking bonny."

Something of that sort was all that was appropriate.

Men that put women down like this are cunts.

Have you noticed that your DH makes fun of women only? You, your daughter, his mother?

Why does he not pick on men? Does he not have a father, brothers, sons, male friends?

My son once told me I looked like his teacher after I'd got all dressed up for a night out.

His teacher was short and chubby. With a bushy beard.

Next time he makes an effort say he looks like an egg with a face drawn on

No. He didn't mean it as a compliment.

Yes agree totally. It sounds like your husband got it spot on. I am not defending him at all - quite the opposite, I was sympathising because I often have the same silly comments directed at me!

My soon to be exH used to do this all the time. Last year he told me I looked like one of the Adam’s family and at that point I decided enough was enough, got my ducks in a row and left him (lots of other reasons too). Looking back I don’t know how I ever thought it was good enough.

This. I hope the 18-year-old speaks up for herself. Is this man her father? He sounds like a dick regardless.

What a lovely man. Sorry for your loss 💐

Thank you - that's very kind.

You're married to a knob. Sorry about that. His "joke" was idiotic, made no sense and was clearly just a put-down that he's trying to pass off as a joke. He could be outrageously wonderful in many other departments and it wouldn't make up for the fact that he sees you looking good and wants to make you feel bad. Tosser.

I was thinking the same. Tell him his cock looks like a tiny Christmas cocktail sausage. "Oh I'm only joking!!"