I got all dressed up and DH called me Mr Bean. AIBU to be upset !?

[Christmaspuddingpinky]

I work in a role that usually requires quite casual dress, but on certain occasions I’m required to attend formal meetings.
Today I woke up super early, before the children, washed and blow-dried my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and wore a dress. I actually felt really good for a change.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my DH, who said, “You look like Mr Bean.”
I replied, “I feel really nice today—why would you say that?”
He answered, “You just look like Mr Bean when he’s all dressed up in his jacket and suit. I’m only joking, for goodness’ sake.”

I can’t understand why he couldn’t simply say that I looked nice. I’m not a supermodel, but I made an effort and felt good. I’ve worked hard to shed weight after the babies and slowly feel good again . His comment felt unkind to me. I always acknowledge it when DH makes an effort; I wouldn’t make a silly remark knowing he was feeling good about himself.

I know would like more sex . We have had two small people but when he makes me feel like this, why would I want to?
He always says he’s “only joking” and that I’m too serious, but his comment really felt unkind. Maybe he doesn’t fancy me (which is fine), maybe it was a joke, or maybe it was a put-down.

AIBU to be annoyed, or am I just wasting my time?

DH is a good dad, does a lot of housework, and is generous with money—we share all finances, and he earns a lot more. I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

The cartoon? That's really a reach.

The issue here isn’t the comment. It’s the lack of ownership or repair. Whatever tedious link made him correlate you looking happy and put together with Mr Bean is immaterial. The second he copped on you were annoyed he should have moved to repair - not doubling down.

Next time he says it’s just a joke I’d reply with ‘ oh….(big pause) you’d really need to work on being funnier, might make you sexier too’.

That’s not very nice. Why is he being a dick? You are getting up getting dressed and going out to earn a living doing your very best and you deserve his full support and love.

This is probably exactly the joke, just positioned very clumsily. Rather than you look like Mr Bean in the literal sense, it likely should have been, it’s like the time in Mr Bean where he got all dressed up in a tuxedo ….

However, like all jokes, it really isn’t funny if you have to explain it.

its the kind of thing that my husband would say, but he also tells me when I look good and have made an effort, even if it is only a ‘you scrub up ok’.

Let him know that it really didn’t land well with you and maybe next time he can simply let you know you look amazing.

one thing I’ve noticed with my husband is that he finds it hard to complement me when I’m getting dressed up for someone else, he wishes we had occasion to make the effort for each other.

Are you a woman? If so, I don’t see how it’s nice being compared to Mr Bean.
Does your husband have a tendency to make socially awkward remarks /have difficulty reading the room?

Sorry OP this was my first thought too. Don’t let it get to you.

I wanted to say that you were married to a nasty swine till I got to the last para. You've got the angel from the top of the Xmas tree. First time ever on here that have I read about a bloke who helps with chores. It sounds as though this unfunny joke was out of character or you would've tackled it head on.

Arse

Next time he is dressed up make sure to make a similar comment- and when he complains- say i have to take a "joke2 so so do you.

Men are such twats. It's the classic 'Are you going out like that?' crack.

Sounds like he’s feeling insecure since you’ve lost weight and probably look more attractive, so is trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Twat.

Next time he us all dressed up tell him he looks like Richie out of bottom and smells like him too. 😆 🤣

You look like an ugly stupid cunt.

Only joking darling!

I think you need to have a serious conversation with him about how the only joking comments make you feel?

You know you've put the work and effort in to make yourself feel good, try not to let his 'silly' comments get you down.
Remind yourself of how fantastic you are.
But definitely have a chat about the comments and your sex life.
Cards on the table I feel is best on these situations.

Well done lady

It's difficult to brush off a comment on your appearance if you're not a confident person. I once bought a lovely, soft beige poncho thinking I was wafting around looking like Gwyneth Paltrow in her expensive, wafty neutrals. Nope. Clint Eastwood according to ex-H.

This! Unconsciously done (or not) this was a little power play to stick you back in your box. You probably looked confident because you felt good, but sadly many men have reflexive conditioning to squash this and “take control”. Does he have the emotional intelligence and introspection to see that and apologise?

I don’t think this is a joke or that he chose to compare you to Mr Bean at random.

I can recall my STBEX watching About a Boy and saying the female lead reminded him of me - a clinically depressed character struggling to cope and looking for a carer for her son - when in fact I was successfully completing my PhD and in the looks/charm/attractiveness territory was far more Hugh Grant than he would ever be. It was just designed to make me doubt myself and feel crap.

I once had some blonde highlights put in, first time that I'd gone off piste with my hair.
It looked nice so I walked into town to meet up with him and the kids ,....he walked towards me and burst out laughing.....he was nudging the 2DD and said" did I know that it looked like a bird had shit on my head " absolutely out of the blue !
We hadn't fallen out (yet!!) and continued to walk up to the shops as if nothing had happened. This wasn't the first or last time he humiliated me
Until his dying day he never understood why I divorced him 🤔

OP I don't think you are getting good advice here. It's basically been 11 pages so far of people being viciously insulting about your husband and suggesting you stop having sex with him entirely or even split up. Since you describe him as a generally good husband and father, I really want to know whether you think this is fair. I often read threads on Mumsnet like this - a husband makes a mistake or tells a stupid joke that doesn't hit or even is just having a bad day or lashing out for some reason, the wife takes to Mumsnet and what follows is just endless vitriol. I assume you love your husband so I wonder whether it's really worth reading pages and pages eviscerating his character when you could just have a conversation with him.

I think the lack of sex is an issue in your marriage. Maybe it's not for you, but it is for him. You say you feel unattractive and obviously this comment won't have helped, but it really seems most likely that it was an ill-considered joke. He did try to make amends with that text you ignored. Talk to him, explain how it hurt, let him apologise and don't hold a grudge over it. That won't help. I don't think a stupid joke is a relationship-ending crime. Tell him how you feel, let him explain how he feels and see where to go from here.

What a weird thing to say … especially as you were wearing a dress?!? Not only is it not funny, it doesn’t even make sense!?!