I got all dressed up and DH called me Mr Bean. AIBU to be upset !?

[Christmaspuddingpinky]

I work in a role that usually requires quite casual dress, but on certain occasions I’m required to attend formal meetings.
Today I woke up super early, before the children, washed and blow-dried my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and wore a dress. I actually felt really good for a change.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my DH, who said, “You look like Mr Bean.”
I replied, “I feel really nice today—why would you say that?”
He answered, “You just look like Mr Bean when he’s all dressed up in his jacket and suit. I’m only joking, for goodness’ sake.”

I can’t understand why he couldn’t simply say that I looked nice. I’m not a supermodel, but I made an effort and felt good. I’ve worked hard to shed weight after the babies and slowly feel good again . His comment felt unkind to me. I always acknowledge it when DH makes an effort; I wouldn’t make a silly remark knowing he was feeling good about himself.

I know would like more sex . We have had two small people but when he makes me feel like this, why would I want to?
He always says he’s “only joking” and that I’m too serious, but his comment really felt unkind. Maybe he doesn’t fancy me (which is fine), maybe it was a joke, or maybe it was a put-down.

AIBU to be annoyed, or am I just wasting my time?

DH is a good dad, does a lot of housework, and is generous with money—we share all finances, and he earns a lot more. I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

I would have just laughed and called my husband a cheeky bastard.

It was a joke but sometimes we don't appreciate jokes if feeling a bit sensitive.

So I don't think he meant any harm but equally I hope he apologised because he upset you.

And another thing - screw sex with this spiteful bastard. 👍

It's a very weird thing to say but if it's a one off I would just tell him to fuck off and get on with my day. I remember once when I had gone to the trouble of blowdrying my hair and wearing a bit of make up and my dh said you look different today, kind of mousey.
Seemingly he meant it as a compliment. 🤔

A certain type of man does this. Issues a put down, masked as a joke, that is a result of his own insecurities and entrenched misogyny.

Ladz banter innit!!! Ineffectual man child more like, who jokes his way through life, yet isn't remotely funny.

YANBU OP.

My ex husband would regularly make 'jokes' at my expense and then it would be my fault that I didn't have a sense of humour. They got worse the better I did at work

I remember when I was at my friends and we got ready at hers and put our makeup on. Her son, maybe 4 or 5 at the time, laughed and said we looked like clowns. Granted, he was a child and that's how he sees us which was drastically different to usual. But it shows he loves us without the makeup and thinks that we look like a clown with it on. It was a nasty comment, but also, could it be a very rude/bad way of him actually preferring you without it?

I know would like more sex

Anyone who compared me to Mr Bean would not be having sex with me at all. What an own goal on his part.

In situations like this I always want to pin the person down to explain what they mean. What do you mean I look like Mr Bean? Yes, but why Mr Bean? I don’t understand the funny, explain it to me? Etc They’ll wish they never said anything by the end of it.

Do you really think men put that much thought into it?
I expect op's dh is someone who just says the first thing that comes into his head without thinking of the effect on his target.
He needs to learn to think before he speaks.

Your husband isn’t funny at all. It’s a really nasty comment especially as you had got dressed up and done full makeup.
My husband is just as tactless though, I wore a powder blue jacket once and he asked me whether I was auditioning for Showaddywaddy!

If you don't usually make these kinds of jokes between yourselves, then for him to say it outloud is a bit horrible.

That said, DP and I would make these sorts of jokes to eachother all the time, and we never take it seriously.

If he said you look like Mr Bean, I'd probably just reply something off cuff like Mr Bean wishes he could look this good.When DP puts his long sleeve shirt on and a gilet over the top, I tell him he looks like Shrek, and he says that's how he managed to bag a princess.

Oh it's the old 'men don't know any better' trope

Men absolutely can be vindictive and manipulative and sly.

This was my first thought, he's shot himself in the foot, hasn't he.

I assumed you'd put on a blazer and tie or something. You were styled, made up and in a dress? The joke doesn't even make sense, to the point where I wonder if it was calculated purely to burst your bubble. What other "jokes" does he make?

This ^ 100%

Because most of them hate us. It’s cruel, he knew it would hurt you and he said it anyway. I’m betting you looked good and he wanted to bring you down a peg or two before you left.

Ignore anyone saying it’s good natured (their relationship may look very different) he’s gaslighting you, he knew exactly how that comment would feel to you, he knows you and what would hurt.

Just start telling the truth about him. Recently (if you need any ideas) I have asked my OH why he’s wearing bandages on his legs, knowing full well they were white socks pulled up. I’ve pointed out his increase in nose hair and his wrinkles in the last couple of months. He tried waving his penis at me yesterday and I fold him that it’s good that he’s got that much confidence when he’s smaller than the average man. You get my drift. I mean your marriage probably won’t survive but he didn’t care about that when he said something cruel did he? And neither did mine when he pointed out my flaws. And it feels sooooo good 😂

I would be pissed off, not just at the meanness but at the stupidity! How on earth does dressing smartly equate to being 'like Mr. Bean?'. Just stupid.

I was poised to say exactly what @Poppingby has said.

You’ve said he’s generally a decent husband? It looks as if he suffered a moment of insecurity or at least a diminution in his male control of you when he saw you all dressed up, leaving the house to go to your job that has nothing to do with him … So he reacted by trying to put you down.

Not knowing your husband I don’t know the best way to ‘deal’ with it. I might ask him, How did you feel when you made that comment? What effect did you want it to have on me, just as I was leaving for work? How do you think a man you admire might have reacted in that situation?

🤷‍♀️

@Christmaspuddingpinky YANBU OP, This wasn't a joke because it wasn't funny or clever e.g. the comparison he drew - Mr Bean - huh? When did Mr Bean ever blow-dry his hair and wear make-up and a dress?
I think you should say to him what you wrote here - that you know he'd like more sex, but does he really think this sort of comment will lead to that? Alternatively, giving you a big hug and saying "Wow, you look fabulous" ... Which comment does he seriously think is likely to be more effective in the "foreplay" stakes? Honestly, some men are just so dim. 🙄

Except that the OP's husband's comment didn't even make sense, unlike your examples. There is no occasion where Mr Bean wears a dress, so the remark was stupid as well as clearly intended to be insulting. It's as if he actually had to make up something nonsensical just in order to upset the OP.

I think we all know it wasn't a joke. It was a spiteful put down to make you feel like shit. He knew you wouldn't laugh clearly, it's hardly superior comedy or remotely clever. It doesn't even make sense if you were wearing a dress.
I'd personally go with the total ignoring option. When he says something like that, completely blank face it and don't respond like you haven't heard or walk away. If he repeats it, continue to ignore. If he asks why you are not responding, say that you didn't realise it needed one. If you give nothing back, no upset or anger, he gets no satisfaction or ego boost out if it at all.
He's a bit thick if he imagines that negging actually works and you'll be up for more sex after that. Good way to make a fanny clamp shut.

It might be funny if in every other way he makes you feel attractive, but even so it's pretty unsupportive when you've got a big day ahead.

I'm not a natural joker and sometimes my "jokes" completely miss the mark. Is it something like that? He tried to make you laugh and missed?

I’d have said “have you seen yourself lately?”

I don't think it's a coincidence that you've lost weight and gained some confidence, and he's now decided to tear you down.

My husband can be like this. He speaks before he thinks and always wants to raise a laugh. He often insults my 18 year old daughter and his own mother with this kind of thing. It's just first thing that pops in his mind type stuff. He does it to me too (I frequently look like Dr Who for some reason); I have learned to ignore it over the years (and will often also let my tongue be loose in relation to him).

In your case I don't think it means he thinks you look like Rowan Atkinson, it's probably just not what you normally wear and maybe he felt you looked little self conscious or something...? In the case with my husband, it bears no impact on whether he fancies me or not, to him it's just having a laugh/banter I suppose. However, I can totally sympathise and I've always thought that taking the mick out of others' appearance (or personality) is pretty low humour. It sounded like it spoiled your effort though and I would explain that to him - that it was hurtful precisely because you had made the effort.