Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I got all dressed up and DH called me Mr Bean. AIBU to be upset !?

270 replies

Christmaspuddingpinky · 25/11/2025 09:00

I work in a role that usually requires quite casual dress, but on certain occasions I’m required to attend formal meetings.
Today I woke up super early, before the children, washed and blow-dried my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and wore a dress. I actually felt really good for a change.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my DH, who said, “You look like Mr Bean.”
I replied, “I feel really nice today—why would you say that?”
He answered, “You just look like Mr Bean when he’s all dressed up in his jacket and suit. I’m only joking, for goodness’ sake.”

I can’t understand why he couldn’t simply say that I looked nice. I’m not a supermodel, but I made an effort and felt good. I’ve worked hard to shed weight after the babies and slowly feel good again . His comment felt unkind to me. I always acknowledge it when DH makes an effort; I wouldn’t make a silly remark knowing he was feeling good about himself.

I know would like more sex . We have had two small people but when he makes me feel like this, why would I want to?
He always says he’s “only joking” and that I’m too serious, but his comment really felt unkind. Maybe he doesn’t fancy me (which is fine), maybe it was a joke, or maybe it was a put-down.

AIBU to be annoyed, or am I just wasting my time?

DH is a good dad, does a lot of housework, and is generous with money—we share all finances, and he earns a lot more. I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

OP posts:
ShapeshifterMam · 25/11/2025 15:56

What's this "only joking" bollocks? So you can say anything, particularly something nasty to hurt someone because youre feeling threatened by them but its all ok because, after all, you were only joking...
Nasty, uncalled-for, cheap and mean and I would bloody tell him so!! He wouldn't be repeating it any time soon...

Dolly96 · 25/11/2025 15:57

WearyAuldWumman · 25/11/2025 15:56

As in - not really jokes and not really harmless?

Exactly.

Green2013 · 25/11/2025 16:08

shhblackbag · 25/11/2025 09:42

I know would like more sex

Anyone who compared me to Mr Bean would not be having sex with me at all. What an own goal on his part.

He’s probably bitter about the lack of sex, hence the rude jibes.

I’ve been on the receiving end, and I don’t actually think the intention is (always) to be deliberately cruel but it’s still nasty and thoughtless.

Grown men acting like babies because you won’t help get them off. God forbid they be complimentary / patient / attractive and make you want to have sex with them.

largeredformeplease · 25/11/2025 16:08

nomas · 25/11/2025 15:49

The irony of someone who thinks the husband was referencing a cartoon and not the 1990s Mr Bean programme calling me thick is laughable.

You clearly have got used to your husband insulting you and think it’s normal.

Do you genuinely have no idea how popular the Mr Bean cartoon is?

And how do you even know I have a husband?? 😂

Glad you find being thick funny though.

nomas · 25/11/2025 16:20

largeredformeplease · 25/11/2025 16:08

Do you genuinely have no idea how popular the Mr Bean cartoon is?

And how do you even know I have a husband?? 😂

Glad you find being thick funny though.

Glad you find being thick funny though.

As lovely as the husband, I see. True colours always come out.

DuchessofStaffordshire · 25/11/2025 16:33

My husband and I have been together for 20 years now. We've been through some really rough times and are in what I'd call a really secure and loving relationship. We're a military family and the level of banter that we engage in would more than likely be perceived as being rather harsh at times. But when the kids are in bed and we have some quiet time we share some incredibly tender and special moments

Elsvieta · 25/11/2025 16:41

Tell him he looks like Sybil Fawlty or Hyacinth Bucket or any other well-known female fictional character who always wears a skirt (assuming DH dresses in a conventionally male manner). "You just look like Sybil when she has the big hair and the bright eyeshadow... Oh for God's sake, it's only a joke".

Kittyloulou · 25/11/2025 16:57

Ah so you’re married to a twat too then? Join the club

LifeSurvior · 25/11/2025 16:59

His comment doesn't even make sense though even as a joke, it was probably meant to subtly undermine you.
I was at my in laws one Boxing Day and had just had a new haircut and felt really nice.
We were watching Miranda doing something particularly ridiculous and clumsy and he said Miranda reminds me so much of you in front of everyone in a sneering not nice or endearing way. His Sister pulled him up on it and he tried to fob it off as a joke.
Turned out later I found out he was having an affair and was in full discard and belittle mode.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 25/11/2025 17:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Starlight7080 · 25/11/2025 17:07

I bet you looked lovely. But like so many weak men he wanted you to feel bad about yourself. And he succeeded. And then turned it on to you being to sensitive.
All in all really awful behaviour.

outerspacepotato · 25/11/2025 17:14

He's negging you to keep you insecure. It's manipulative. Downplaying it as it was just a joke and oh, you're sensitive is him dismissing your feelings about him insulting your appearance.

Does he think keeping you insecure and a bit off balance will make you more interested in having sex with him?

It's actually more off-putting to a woman who's secure because 1, they see what he's doing, and 2, they prefer to have sex with men who care for them and make them feel good rather than insult them.

Short version, he's a dick.

AguNwaanyi · 25/11/2025 17:19

Clapback. Tell him "then me and your mama must be twins". Blow air kisses, then leave the room.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 25/11/2025 17:20

I’d make a comment about his small cock or beig crap at sex. When he complains I’d say I was only joking

Your husband is a knob and I wouldn’t want sex with him.

Dgll · 25/11/2025 17:29

It is like he is negging you. If you want him to stop, your reaction needs to scare him into never making a 'joke' again. However, if he is actually really dim and thinks he is being genuinely funny then that tactic might be a little cruel.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 25/11/2025 17:36

Wishihadanalgorithm · 25/11/2025 17:20

I’d make a comment about his small cock or beig crap at sex. When he complains I’d say I was only joking

Your husband is a knob and I wouldn’t want sex with him.

Yep.

"OK, Mr. Micro Penis. Thanks for the compliment."
"Whaaat? I was JUST JOKING...I don't really think you have a tiny cock. (burst of laughter.) What's wrong? Can't you take a bit of kidding?"

That will shut him up.

Wickedlittledancer · 25/11/2025 17:38

Shrug it off and bear your time, next time he gets all dressed up to go somewhere look at him, raise an eyebrow and tell him he looks like Dolly Parton,

Iremembercandlecove · 25/11/2025 17:54

The joke is rarely funny to the butt of the joke. That should be obvious really.

Bumcake · 25/11/2025 17:55

LadySuzanne · 25/11/2025 10:49

" We have had two small people"

Do you mean children?

Coming straight after “he wants more sex” I assumed it was a fetish thing.

Eaglemom · 25/11/2025 18:02

trainkeepsgoing · 25/11/2025 11:50

Maybe you looked so lovely that he didn’t know how to respond so gave a stupid awkward comment instead (really not funny as doesn’t make any sense as mr bean wears a trouser suit and tie and carries a teddy bear..)

Bit sad that a grown man isn't intelligent enough to figure out how to compliment his wife

Arcticienne · 25/11/2025 18:13

No. YANBU !! From what you end up by saying, you appear to have an otherwise decent DH. But he obviously has a BIG blind spot re how to be supportive to a LW who presumably does most of the heavy domestic lifting as well as holding down a job at the same time. Maybe by nature he’s a bit of a joker. Maybe he thinks you should take a joke like one of the lads. WRONG ! So, there’s really only one solution. Do NOT hide your hurt. DH requires a bit of education. Education involving straight talking. Education which involves demonstrating what a strong, self-respecting woman you are. Not tears, not effing and blinding - just cold as steel reality. Soooo… something along the lines of “ THAT was extremely hurtful and unnecessary. You are NOT being funny (insert name). Please do NOT speak to me like that EVER again. And I am NOT being funny “ DH may be the breadwinner in your particular household, but YOU are the one who MAKES it a household. You’ve got this !

AprilinPortugal · 25/11/2025 18:25

I bet you looked gorgeous and made him feel all insecure, so he just had to neg you!

Christmaspuddingpinky · 25/11/2025 21:22

Hi all,

I have just read the responses after a long day ‘in the city’! ( In my Mr Bean outfit.)

Thank You all.

i did get a lunchtime message saying - you always look lovely. Which I did not respond to.

I think that DH did feel insecure about me dressed up and going off. Possibly knowing I’d be surrounded by adults at work. I got the feeling he wanted to bring me down a peg. Which is really sad.
It felt like a little dig which is very unlike DH.

in regards to the ‘ he doesn’t have to fancy me’ comment. I think truthfully , I have felt abit invisible whenever I have made an effort lately. I think as I have just felt ‘more me’ and had a little confidence - I have had a few times where I have got ‘done up’ and he hasn’t really noticed . So I will be honest , I thought - maybe he just isn’t attracted to me after two small children .

DH works from home full time and doesn’t barely go out ! I’ve never thought he would cheat but I think after me rebuffing his advances alot due to small i maybe he has pulled back ! So sometimes i feel abit invisible !!!!

OP posts:
Sunnydaystoday · 25/11/2025 22:01

Yes that was very nasty and intended to take you down.
Neither kind nor loving.
Not conducive to more sex, thats for sure.

Its important you do not allow him to succeed in damaging the confidence you have rebuilt in yourself.

You deserve better than this.
You are not a team.
You need to tell him that his remark is a huge red flag relationship wise, and you have noted it.

VegemiteOnToast · 25/11/2025 22:46

It sounds like you two need to have a serious chat about your relationship & sex life. Hopefully it is a case of misunderstandings and you can sort it all out.

Swipe left for the next trending thread