I got all dressed up and DH called me Mr Bean. AIBU to be upset !?

[Christmaspuddingpinky]

I work in a role that usually requires quite casual dress, but on certain occasions I’m required to attend formal meetings.
Today I woke up super early, before the children, washed and blow-dried my hair, put on a full face of makeup, and wore a dress. I actually felt really good for a change.

I went downstairs and was greeted by my DH, who said, “You look like Mr Bean.”
I replied, “I feel really nice today—why would you say that?”
He answered, “You just look like Mr Bean when he’s all dressed up in his jacket and suit. I’m only joking, for goodness’ sake.”

I can’t understand why he couldn’t simply say that I looked nice. I’m not a supermodel, but I made an effort and felt good. I’ve worked hard to shed weight after the babies and slowly feel good again . His comment felt unkind to me. I always acknowledge it when DH makes an effort; I wouldn’t make a silly remark knowing he was feeling good about himself.

I know would like more sex . We have had two small people but when he makes me feel like this, why would I want to?
He always says he’s “only joking” and that I’m too serious, but his comment really felt unkind. Maybe he doesn’t fancy me (which is fine), maybe it was a joke, or maybe it was a put-down.

AIBU to be annoyed, or am I just wasting my time?

DH is a good dad, does a lot of housework, and is generous with money—we share all finances, and he earns a lot more. I mostly feel loved, but I occasionally get frustrated by his “jokes.”

Start stashing cash, every spare penny you can lay your hands and leave it where he won't find it. One day in the not so distant future you will decide enough is enough.

Its rude when he surely has eyes and can see you are dressed differently and have spent more time on your appearance than usual.

My sister was telling me she put on a bit of mascara the other day and her husband noticed immediately and said she looks lush 😆 all for a swipe of mascara.

Husbands should notice and if not compliment then keep big mouths shut.

Agree with @BeaRightThere - there’s some dissonance between his stated desire for more intimacy and your assertion that he probably doesn’t fancy you, but that’s ok.

It’s obviously not.

How can you possibly remain happily married to someone who you believe does not find you attractive?

I’m not saying you’re correct in that assumption. Your husband may be utterly crap at showing you he fancies you. But if you believe he doesn’t it’s hardly a surprise that you’re finding reasons to avoid having sex with him.

Why is he giving such mixed messages?

It needs talking about.

Oh yes, that makes far more sense - well deduced! 😃
OP's DH should never give up his day job - he'll never make it as a comedian!

Oh she does indeed...she has no problem standing up for herself! Yes, her father. Like most people on earth, he can behave like a dick at times but the women in his life hand it straight back to him twice over with bells on, and/or explain calmly exactly why his moves have been so dickish and that he must not repeat. One fine day he might just learn...

Meh, we have been married nearly 40 years, I don't think one stupid comment counts for anything. For the op it all depends on what he is like otherwise.

What on earth were you wearing to make him see Mr Bean?!

I have one of these "funny" husbands. It's upsetting and infuriating. I was in morrisons with him the other day and stated how my Xmas will be different this year as I can't eat dairy soya or eggs due to breastfeeding and the baby having allergies, he said "well at least you won't put on all the Christmas weight this year". I've had a really shitty time of it lately, the baby has been in a full sleep regression for 6 weeks, she's head to foot in bad eczema, I do everything with her and get no breaks (we have an older dd that he spends a lot of time with but she's 11 so it's easy), I have no friends and no family. I'm also a big foodie, so comments like this really get under my skin. But it's 'funny and he was joking' so I'm the bad one again.

I've no advice as you can probably tell.

I would often ask my late husband if he was dressed by Stevie Wonder, oddly he never took offence, far too grown up, he would then change the striped shirt, spotted tie and checked jacket!

God, I have one like this too, op. Thinks he’s hilarious. When I wear a faux fur animal print jacket, he makes Bet Lynch ‘jokes’. Every. Single. Time. He also other ‘jokes’ for other items of my clothing. Yawn. I used to ask him not to and that didn’t work, honestly it’s like he regresses to a petulant brat sometimes. So I started ignoring it and that works a lot better! Sometimes they are twats - it’s just as well he is generally lovely!

No one is perfect. I suggest marriage counselling. Don't let people on here make things worse in your marriage!.

Older brothers, fathers and uncles are always the best at this. Men do this sort of thing routinely with their mates as well. I haven’t experienced this from my partner or XH, only the aforementioned family members. I have also experienced two female cousins who actually enjoyed sneering at me over my dress sense (I was interested in fashion, vintage clothing) and interestingly both of their fathers enjoyed putting my mother down because she always took an interest in her clothes, fashion and personal style. Some people just enjoy chipping away at others and it maybe stems from insecurity and jealousy. The way I’d react is probably different to you because I’d see it as being childish and a reflection of who he is and not a reflection on me.

Why did you post this? You know OP meant children because she had already mentioned them twice in the post, and what else could she possibly mean ?

I can only assume that like the OP's husband you enjoy belittling people and trying to embarrass them. What an unpleasant character trait to have.

I’d understand it more if you had a tweet suit on or something but a dress? I don’t really get the link! Just sounds like a stupid joke he didn't need to make.

I would hate this, so unkind and unnecessary.

These comments are bizarre IMHO.
LTB stash money away he's a abusive etc.
All over a joke that wasn't funny.
I'd have just said go fuck ya self and got on with life.

💯

Some people will always seek to turn it around on the woman.

Kids, dc, littlies, little ones, small ones, what does it matter.

Sounds a prat. I used to get, ‘where’s Wally?’, ‘captain birdseye is that you?, ‘you look like the joker’ when wearing a striped top, or flares, or red lipstick which would get an eye roll from me or ‘what a plonker you are’ from me. Or he would state the obvious, ‘those are shiny shoes’, ‘oooh what a fancy coat’, ‘you always wear heavy eyeliner’ but laughing. I would just agree, ‘yes.’ This was all from a school dad btw. He didn’t know anything about style, or making an effort with oneself, maybe your man doesn’t and is insecure? I don’t know what the mr Bean reference is, maybe he’s not very clever either?

It was a swipe to deflate you. He couldn't possibly have thought you looked like Mr. Bean as you were wearing a dress. He just searched for something that would make you feel insecure that he could claim was a 'joke'.

Have a think about why your husband wants to make you feel worthless.

I think my reaction would be whether or not it felt like a one off or the latest in a string of such things. My exh had only two comments he’d make if I dressed up either “ that does nothing for you”, usually if I was going out alone, or “ now I look like a scruffy cnt” if we were going out together said with a big sigh as if my looking nice were done solely to spite him and make him put some effort in. It’s like they don’t want you to feel good about yourself ever

My father used to make ‘jokes’ like this. Drip, drip, drip on the self esteem of me and my mother. It’s not clever or funny. It’s negging.

It’s only a joke when everyone’s laughing.

It's rude and denigrating and disrespectful and just not funny at all.

Well, I wouldn't find it funny at all, OP, and I wonder where other women's standards are when they say they would or that they wouldn't be offended.

It's a shit joke to start with. It doesn't make sense. Unless you're 6 foot tall and had a suit and tie on, which I'm guessing you didn't..

It's also incredibly annoying. He could have just said "you look great in that dress" - end of story. I don't know why some people, men and women, always do this. React to absolutely everything with some sort of crap joke. To me, it shows they can't function in normal society. Everything has to be about them getting a cheap laugh.