New partner hiding my vape

[Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread]

im a social smoker and keep a vape in the house that I use every now and then when I feel like. Usually after a little drink.

new partner has told me the thought of smoking gives them the ick and has shown their annoyance at me vaping. They’ve hid my vape before and when I’ve asked where it was they’ve laughed and said they’ve hid it as they don’t like me using it. I let it go but was mildly annoyed. Fast forward to last week I had friends around and DP was there. I had a pull or two of my vape but hid the fact from DP. Friend told DP and they pulled me up on it the next day. Said the fact I’m hiding it from them makes them not trust me etc.

over the weekend we were going out and rather than have a drink whilst getting ready I had a bit of my vape. I left it on the dining fable before leaving for certain. DP pulled me up on it the next day and it’s now not there. I haven’t moved it so I know they’ve hidden it again after showing disapproval. I don’t want to degrade myself by asking where they’ve put it as I know they’re going to be waiting for me to ask in a ha ha! So you are using it! Kind of way.

I know how ridiculous this all sounds but it’s really annoyed me. I’m not a child. It’s my home. We don’t live together. AIBU?

Jesus Christ, just dump him already

This doesn’t sound like the right relationship for either of you. I’d knock it on the head now.

Controlling this early on? Walk away.

Hope this new partner turns into an ex-partner assp

Urgh.
Controlling. Get rid, quick.

We’ve been seeing each other just over a year so it’s not brand new. But would this class as controlling? There are red flags but I’m talking about this specifically for now

First post nails it as always.

If you don't bin them now, see you im a few months/years when you're back posting about some other abuse you're suffering at their hands.

Side question, why did your 'friend' feel the need to tell your partner you'd been using it?

The behaviour "D"P displays is far, far more of a red flag than the vape. I would never normally say this but I think you should tell them to get lost.

Id buy another one and vape right through a conversation where im dumping him/her.

Why are you putting up with this bollocks? It'll only get worse and about different things.

Just dump him. It's your vape and your home. You can do what you like. You are a grown adult and he isn't your dad. Being treated like a child by mu "partner" would give me the ick. Presumably, he met you while you were vaping. I'd it was so much of an ick for him he shouldn't have dated you in the first place. I think it is controlling.

Could you tell him you've given up vaping and that your vape is actually an inhaler for asthma or similar? That way he wouldn't be hiding it.

And ditch the grass of a friend too unless they were hoping to spark off something that led to you dumping them because they can see what a controlling arse your P is

@Cantbloodyrememberthenameonthread it's not the vaping. Its the controlling behaviour, boldness so early on and boundary stomping.

This person won't improve magically with your love as time goes on. They know what they are doing and they don't care how you feel.

Major red flags 🚩 End it now before you get too emotionally invested and start making excuse after excuse. This behaviour will leech out into other areas where they will seek to control you and 'mould' you in ways that will stop you being yourself as time goes on.

Dump now. Save yourself early.

Sorry but this made me LOL 🤣🤣🤣🤣

tbh, I don’t think its worth ending a relationship over. But I’d like advice on how to address it without causing a huge row. It’s less about the vape (though I do enjoy it) and more about the bossing me about over my choices. There’s no way I’d have a say over their choices as a) they’re extremely strict on boundaries and free will and b) it’s not for me to say

Is this a serious suggestion?

But why should she? She's still the same person and nobody has the right to tell her what to do.

Disrespectful and controlling.

YABU. You need to separate. You are clearly incompatible and he is over-stepping with hiding your stuff.

End it.

Ironically, it does help my asthma. I don’t know why. Maybe the deep controlled breaths but I’ve commented before I notice I use my inhalers less when I vape. I realise that sounds bizarre

Dump. This is controlling. This will not be the only thing they control over, there will be other things, it’s just you might not notice if they are more subtle about it.

(After a year, it could simply be that they thought that just telling you they didn’t like smoking / vaping would be enough to make you stop because they expected their preference to be your priority. They’ve just taken it up a notch because you didn’t change your behaviour the way they expected. Think back, have you changed any other behaviours to meet their preferences?)

You said there are other red flags…

You've said there are red flags already...this is another one!
Dump him and your shifty friend!

You say "DP, i like vaping. Im not stopping. You knew i vaped/social smoked. Dont hide my stuff again or we'll have a problem"

Have a blast of your vape at the end in place of a full stop. Then follow up with 2 cigs.

This is absolutely worth ending a relationship over.

But it's not hiding the vape that's the worst issue, it's that they think their wants, needs and preferences trump yours! How dare anyone do that to you? It won't stop here. My ex was like this and I used to find books I collected in the recycling boxes!

Please get away from them, it's a great big sign of things to come.