To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

This.
In light of the case recently where a (male) judge said a child whose father was found to be a rapist still had to keep his last name until she was 18 (or father consented to name change).
I married young first time around and was incredibly naive - one of my biggest regrets is giving my sons ex-husband's last name alone.
I am now remarried and Ms HisName-My Name, my husband is Mr HisName-MyName, and our daughter is Miss HisName-MyName.
So much happier with this 😀

I don’t know. I chose to have kids with my kids’ dad even though he cheated and left and the end does not necessarily dictate how you should treat the kids. I still think it’s important they retain their identity with their names they've learned and usedand that siblings have the same names even if that’s not mum’s name.

@Lmnop22 So why not retain their identity by having your last name at birth?
Unfortunately my sons' sister (half, but never referred to as such) has a totally different last name to her brothers.

Only issue is the vast majority of women change their names on marriage. So in the circumstance you describe, mum as an adult can change her name back, but the child can’t until they are 18.

if you change your name to your husband’s you aren’t going to give your child a different name on the off chance dh turns out to be a shit and doesn’t want to be linked via that name any more.

so the first step is for women to be thinking more carefully about whether they change their own names. That first, before the question of the child’s name is even an issue.

I married so all of the kids and me have husbands last name. If we were to separate for whatever reason, I would continue to use my current last name rather than go back to my maiden name.

@Usernamenotfound1 Totally agree.

@IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour Even if he was a rapist? An abuser?
What if you remarried?

I did think carefully and decided not to inflict years of teasing and bullying that I endured due a very uncommon last name. I like my name (now) and didn't change it but wouldn't inflict it upon anyone else

My first husband went out to get the milk and never came back my dd had his name and I faked his signature on a deed poll and had it changed to my maiden name, dishonest? Yes. Regrettable? No. She was 2, now 19 and knows the back story. My other two dds are both double-barrel.

This literally happened to me but I was able to change my children’s surname by deed poll by sending a letter explaining the situation and included the case reference.
Everywhere accepted the name change except the passport office. So they had to have passports in their father’s name.
You can change your name by deed poll at 16 and that’s what my 2 did so they could get passports in the name they had been using for 12+ years

If you’re married and change your name they would have your last name at birth?

my kids have their dads surname pretty much because of this situation. Dh already had a child and that swung the decision, we went with his name so the half siblings would have the same name. I still use my birth surname.

Why should they get the father’s surname automatically anyway 🤷‍♀️ our child has my surname, partner completely fine with it. But then again, if I married I don’t think I would change surname. Maybe it’s because my identity has been built with having that name so I don’t want to let go of it to marriage.

@Usernamenotfound1 I am married but I double-barrelled, as did my husband. No way would I have taken his last name alone and lost mine.

I married ( late 90s)
I Kept my own surname
Dh kept his own surname
All the kids have dhs surname.

I offered as my family is huge whereas dh is an only child of an only child way down the line. So was happy to keep his surname going.

My surname is all the kids middle name and I got the main vote on first names if we didn’t agree ( luckily we did )

I think some women should spend more time thinking more carefully about who they are having children with, rather than focusing on naming their child on the assumption that the man will be a deadbeat father!

@TheMAFSfan I agree with you. To me it is a misogynistic tradition. As is title change.

I've always wondered what happens to children whose parents double barrel their surnames when they are older and want to get married and or have kids. Will their kids surnames be triple or quadruple barrelled? And what about subsequent generations?

@FuzzyWolf My husband is the most incredible father. He embraced our double-barrel as he totally agrees that his daughter and wife should not automatically name change. He is also d-b now ❤️

@MrsnothingthanksAbsolutely. And don’t even get me started on being ‘given away’ at the end of aisle!

@BohobooNo, they don't. There are many other options available.

You get the same stupid comment on every double barrel thread. I wouldn't even engage.

@TheMAFSfan Too right! My father is very much loved and alive, but my husband and I walked down the aisle together ❤️

I believe children should have the mothers name (regardless of wether it’s the same as the fathers)

I got married and had my DDs 30 years ago. It never occurred to me not to have exdh name. After we split I kept the name until I remarried ( it would have felt odd to marry and keep my ex’s name and if I went to my maiden name it would still be different to dcs) when dh and I had our dc we had the same name but it saddens me we all have a different name to my elder dc (obviously they didn’t want to change their name to their stepdads name)

Sadly both my DDs intend to marry and take their dh name. I think they should keep their name.

I married my husband purely to have a family name and be the same as my children. I do think it should be normal for the children to have their mothers last name tbh.

Why would they do that when other options are available? Or maybe they won't get married or have DC, not everyone does.

I have friends who had this they double barrelled the last parts

Ms Brown-Green married
Mr Jones-smith and

the kids became Kid Green-Smith