To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

This.
In light of the case recently where a (male) judge said a child whose father was found to be a rapist still had to keep his last name until she was 18 (or father consented to name change).
I married young first time around and was incredibly naive - one of my biggest regrets is giving my sons ex-husband's last name alone.
I am now remarried and Ms HisName-My Name, my husband is Mr HisName-MyName, and our daughter is Miss HisName-MyName.
So much happier with this 😀

I disagree that the “vast majority” of women take their husbands’ surname … among my group of friends (middle class professionals I guess is an accurate description even if it sounds pretentious) fewer than 10% did so … we are in our mid 50s

@Oopsadaisydoodah And again, this is ignorance. You have to be 18 before you can do this without the consent of the other parent.

@Wildehorses In the UK it's still something like 90-something percent.

Same here - my maiden name is awful and l was glad to not pass it on!

Most of us think very carefully about the man we have a child with before it gets to naming the child. Most of us will enter that expecting the father will be a good man who will be there to raise his child.
I'm not saying things don't go wrong, but we've already done the thinking carefully when deciding to have a child. If someone thinks a man's good enough to have a child with, they're not going to think the child needs a different surname incase the dad turns out to be a rapist.
There will be exceptions to this, ONS, abusive relationships, but I'd guess a lot of them women would already be putting thought into the surname and even the naming of the father on the birth certificate without having to be reminded.

He didn’t want to marry so the children kept my surname

@JLou08 But still, man could be father of the year - why give a child automatically his last name alone?

In significant portion if the world it is custom to give children both parents name and they have their own traditions how name will be tranfered.Same will be in other countries when it becomes more common, if you have two double barrels, they can do what they see fit for them.

you need father to agree which is ideal and not an unreasonable request as you are adding your surname, but 1 poster managed it legally without.

@Oopsadaisydoodah How many fathers do you honestly think would agree?

This is exactly my take on it. If me and DH ever split I will keep my married name because my DS has it

@Devilsmommy And if you ever remarried?

Women should only be having children with men they know are a good person - the name wont change that.

i am adopted so have had several names over the years so maybe I dont have the same attachment as people who still have thier birth name but it is just a name.DH has his dads name but his mum never married so has a different name and his half sister has her dads name. I wanted us to all have the same surname to link us as a famiy but didnt care which name.

Call your child whatever you want but dont inflict your opinion on everyone else! It doesnt have to be one or the other for everyone to so the same. Dads name, mums name, double barrelled, merged together or even a completely new name! Who cares apart from the parents.

It's sadly so often the way. Men just have better names than women. We should face up to facts.

No who gives two shits

I wouldn't get married again if the first one didn't work out. To be honest I'd probably just stay single

I really like this question, because it highlights this weirdness of "taking someones name".

I decided that if I got married I wouldn't change my name, simply because thats my name and my mum had such a fit over it and came out with all this "but you will have a different name from your children...." it made me want to keep it more.

I haven't got married (suprise surprise) but my friends have such an array of last names from doubled barreled to new names, but none of their husbands ever changed their names. Some have different names on their ID to their professional registrations its all such a mess.

@BrieAndChilli We would all love to borrow your crystal ball at some point.

@2021x Agreed. Apart from my husband, I don't know another man who has changed their last name upon marriage.

Can you blame them? Their names are better than ours!

I know and asking permission from the father.

I am very priviledged to be living in a time that I can live as a childless single woman and not be considered a candidate for witchcraft.

This is progress.

This was actually a situation my friend was in. She really liked her last name, and held on to it, but her husband made her change it when they had their baby so they were a "family".

His name was so boring and run of the mill, and really she was very upset about it.

For me personally, I don't like double barreled names. What happens when 2 people with double barrelled names marry? Do they end up with four surnames or do they need to chose two to drop? How is that choice made? How would someone feel if they had a child shortly after losing both parents, could they decide which parents name gets dropped or would they feel the need to continue with both and end up giving their child a ridiculously long name?
I don't feel a strong attachment to my maiden name, my DH weren't all that bothered about his either so we just went with tradition.

Threads like this boggle my mind. It's the 21st century.

Feminism is about choice and equality. I look forward to the day that 50% of couples decide that the woman's name is nicer/rarer/more unique/less embarrassing/of equal value/worthy of being the family name etc.

Or that double barrelling is OK.

💐for the OP

How likely is it for 2 people with double barrelled names to become a couple in the first place considering the vast majority of people only have one last name and usually, just their fathers?

If it was to happen then they would simply need to make a choice like everyone does when they get married and have DC.