To think women should think more carefully about giving children father's last name?

[Mrsnothingthanks]

This.
In light of the case recently where a (male) judge said a child whose father was found to be a rapist still had to keep his last name until she was 18 (or father consented to name change).
I married young first time around and was incredibly naive - one of my biggest regrets is giving my sons ex-husband's last name alone.
I am now remarried and Ms HisName-My Name, my husband is Mr HisName-MyName, and our daughter is Miss HisName-MyName.
So much happier with this 😀

I kept my own name, our children have my surname. They have H's surname as a second middle name.

I was happy to take my husbands surname as my surname still belonged to a man originally- just that it was my father's. I would much rather us have my husbands surname who is kind, gentle and provides for us than someone who doesn’t ever check in and see how we are. I felt no loyalty at all to my maiden name but feel proud to be married to my husband and have chosen him as father to my children.

@Usernamenotfound1 my Spanish friend’s son has his dads surname, she said it’s a bit regional as to naming habits. Same in other parts of Europe

@boobooboy So you believe no woman ever owns her own name?

Yes. It's an old fashioned and outdated tradition. I gave DD my surname even though I was in a relationship at the time.

Then it isn't your DH's name either, it's his fathers name.

And yet oddly their brothers don't choose to take their wives names to ditch their terrible last name when they marry. The new wife takes the name as well.

Does anybody here actually know of a man who has changed their name upon marriage?

I didn’t change my name when married, my DC has my DH last name. The only reason is I carry my F’s name and I’ve never even met him so to me made no sense to insist on our DC having the family name of a family that isn’t part of our lives in any shape or form.
ETA didn’t double barrel as both last names are super long and would have been beyond ridiculous sounding

Of course not, silly! The man's name is statistically likely to be better in every way. Don't confuse yourself thinking about his sisters or any such nonsense!

@PeloMom Did you ever consider at any point changing your last name to your mum's family name?

My SIL’s husband did. They got married and changed their names and their kid name to double barrelled (kid was born with his surname only). That said he didn’t have the best childhood and is pretty low contact with his side of the family maybe that’s why.

Wouldnt putting more effort into getting to know a prospective father for the children people supposedly care about create a better life for the children in the first place?

My solution to all this -
Woman keeps her name.
Man keeps his name.
Kid double barrelled.
Let's say, parents divorce and mum (or dad) remarry and have more kids.
Women keeps her name.
New kid double barrelled with new dad's name.
This way kids have both parents names and share half a name with any half siblings.
Next generation -
Women keeps her double barrelled name.
Man keeps his double barrelled name.
Kid has one name each from parents (whatever names go best together) to make a new double barrelled name.

You're welcome !

@PollyBell Not sure of the relevance?

All well and good until the new parents-to-be are choosing which of their parents' names get passed on after an acrimonious split. Sorry, I know you tried.

I used to work with someone who's husband took on her surname when they married. He didn't have one of these statistically better surnames people keep mentioning, and she didn't want her family to be known as the Knobs

See, that's what it takes! 😂

I have a very normal family name, as does my husband. It just made total sense for us to d-b. I would not have added on had he not been agreeable to doing so, also.

I disagree. I 100% thought and wholeheartedly believed that we were headed for marriage when DD came along unplanned after contraception failed (lovely surprise not regretted). If we had given her my surname and then gone on to marry, we would both have had a different surname to our child! Not only that, but if I had gone on to marry someone else, she would also be stuck with a surname different to both of her parents!

Now, many years after splitting up, I still don’t regret it as his surname is a nod to where she came from and is something that will always link them (in addition to good old biology of course!).

YABVU

He’s not a rapist or an abuser and I wouldn’t get married again now, I got married for the safety and legal securities of having children with a man. I wouldn’t see any reason to get married again.

My daughter has my last name and it has made it so much easier! I also don’t understand why they should have their last name in the first place and not the mum’s.

Why is that 'unfortunately'?

It's just a name.

What a vile, judgmental crock of shit! You’re presumably a fully grown adult? Surely you must know that it’s not that simple! Contraception fails far more than people realise (as in my case), people change behaviours (including men, believe it or not!) and life is never that simple! If you think that simply “getting to know a man better before having a child with him” is the magic solution then you’re astonishingly naive.

"but I want my grandkids to have my name and keep the name in the family".