Party dilemma- how to word this?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

Awww that sounds a bit mean, can you not send for an Uber?

“hi, DD would like to invite friend to party at x location on y date. Timings are 3-5pm, food and cake. Please collect at 5pm. Sadly this year we do not have the space for friend, so can you please make arrangements? Thanks”

"Hi friends mum, DD would really like Sarah to come to her party. Unfortunately we aren't going to be able to pick her up or drop her off this time. If that means you are unable to get her there, perhaps we could arrange a special play date another time?"

Sarah is invited to Tamsin's party .....
(Unfortunately this year we can't offer Sarah a lift as we won’t have space, Tamsin really hopes Sarah can still attend but we understand if not.)

Why should OP arrange this? If they can’t get their own child there and back they’ll have to decline.

Hi friend Mum. Hope you are well. DD will be having a party at xxxxxx and would love friend to come. We are asking that parents drop off at X and pick up at X. Hope she can make it!

if they then say they can’t transport the friend
’oh that’s a shame- we can’t do lifts this year. Hopefully you can sort something out’

@DeathStare has it I think. Definitely don't start providing Ubers for unaccompanied children...

No.

I'd send the invite, but message the parent first to explain you won't be able to do lifts this time. She could ask someone else going?

Why is it the party hosts responsibility to sort an uber? And who puts a 7 year old in an uber???

Hi, I hope your daughter can make it to the party! Unfortunately I’m not able to sort lifts this time, but my daughter would really love to see her friend there. Please let us know if she’ll be able to come.

I agree with this, makes her feel still valued.

Why can't you do it this time? Can you genuinely not or do you not want to?

ETA: or try and get someone else who's going to give a lift?

This is what I'd do.

DD is having a party on..... She would love Lucy to come. Unfortunately our car will be full so we can't give Lucy a lift. Let me know if you can drop her off. She's also invited Jane, Mary and Ella if you wanted to ask one of their parents to share lifts.

Mentioned friend has had a rough few years by the sound of it, have some heart. What happened to the season of good will?

Can you not tell the mum who else is invited so that she can ask that person to take her child? If SS is involved the poor little girl needs friends..

We tend to do a group chat for invitations, and then everyone sorts out lift sharing between themselves because it's pointless having 10 cars go from the same area to the same place when 4 would do... would nobody else offer naturally?

bit mean that

I’d send Grapewrath’s wording but modified;

Hi friend Mum. Hope you are well. DD will be having a party at xxxxxx and would love friend to come. We are asking that parents drop off at X and pick up at X. I’m letting you know early as I recall you have problems with transport and unfortunately we can’t help this year. I hope you’re able to organise something but if that’s too difficult, we’ll try and arrange a play date another time.

Although it’s not your responsibility, it might be nice to put feelers out to see if any of the other mums could help. Friend’s mum may feel awkward asking.

Maybe she'll be able to catch a ride with another parent? It's not for you to sort out obviously, but she could ask around.

Is the party entirely inaccessible by public transport? It seems very bizarre because there must be loads of families who don't have cars. Do all families who don't drive have to forfeit social things like parties and play dates?

Is the party at your home or at different venue? If so, why can't the girl get a lift from another party-goer? This seems more common than expecting the host to give a child a lift to and from the party venue.

We can't do it this year as we have a new car which won't fit her in.

Unfortunately the mum doesn't know any of the others coming or I would ask if someone else could give a lift.

We can't afford to spend £50 getting a kid to and from a party, nor am I comfortable having a child alone in an Uber.

I don’t think this is fair for Jane, Mary and Ella’s parents.

Why should she?

Have you ever thrown a party for a 7 year old? If you had, you’d know the last thing she’d have time to do is fuck around getting a taxi for another 7 year old because their parent lacks the wherewithal to get them there themselves.