Party dilemma- how to word this?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

You usually at least get to know someone before asking them a favour and that's the issue, OP doesn't know them at all.

OP has gone out of her way to include this girl previously and just because circumstances have changed - new school and new car, it doesn't make OP the devil.

No solutions have been reasonable that I've seen.

This has got to be one of the most batshit threads ever.

a) the child is unaware of the party; not being invited will not affect her whatsoever

b) the child has issues that likely would make her the butt of jokes at the party of more posh strangers, which wouldn't do HER or the OP's daughter any favours

c) if the child did attend, the above situation PLUS the fact that she doesn't know anyone else would detract from the OP's daughter's ability to host her guests and get to know her current schoolmates better

d) it is physically impossible for the OP to provide transport outside of some batshit convoluted four-bus public transport journey when she should be attending to her own daughter and getting the party rolling

e) the OP doesn't know the new mums well enough to ask favours of, and it would be tacky to press a stranger into service

f) the child and the OP's daughter can get together another time under less fraught circumstances

g) the OP is not responsible for the other child and has repeatedly notified the appropriate safeguarding and social services staff; she can't fix the entire world

The most reasonable solution is doing something seperate with the other girl.

Lots of us have friends from different places. Lots of us would do seperate things with those groups.
Even as an adult it can be weird going to a party on your own where the only person you know is the host.

Just buy a new car OP, obvs*.

*I'm not being serious but thought I'd get it in before someone does who is 😂.

I'm actually surprised no one has called OP selfish for daring to get a car that doesn't fit this girl in it.

So am I. Something along the lines of how could I be so selfish as to not think about this child when buying my car.

I think if OP didn't want to invite the little girl, she wouldn't be posting here.

How many people do you think are willing to pick up a child with hygiene issues and an indicative history of being sexual abused for playdates and parties, as OP does?

Not many.

I remember an awkward girl who smelled from primary school. She wasn't on any of the parents' radar. Even as a young child I could sense all was not well there and I tried to be kind. But it didn't occur to me to take this child to my home. I do think OP and her dd are going beyond what many people would do. If only this kind of inclusivity was more normal. I don't think beating OP up for one occasion when she can't physically be inclusive helps.

OP, out of curiosity, how do your dd and this little girl get along? Is dd aware that something isn't right and she is sensitive to your friend's needs? I'm sure she is, and kudos for your dd for having emotional maturity at such a young age, if yes.

DD has no idea, she just absolutely loves her. I kind of hope she never notices, but she will eventually.

DC(8) has clocked it though, the smell, the state of her clothes and the fact she's poorly supervised, her behavior when with us, and we've had age appropriate conversations about it.

But if there are so many issues preventing another adult taking this poor child in their car for a short journey, how insensitive is it exposing her to a group of young kids she doesn’t know and who have the potential to make the afternoon uncomfortable for her? The answer has to be not to invite her and to accept that the logistics of trying to get her to the party isn’t the reason you’re not inviting her.

Ok, I did say have I understood correctly!

It wasn’t clear that you have 3 of your own kids taking up all your car spaces, you just said that the car is full, so I wondered if you were giving a lift to a different child and that’s why the car is full.

Why not just take OP at her word?

I didn’t disbelieve what she said. She said the car was full. I asked why the car was full.

DD is having a party on..... She would love Lucy to come. Unfortunately our car will be full so we can't give Lucy a lift.

This but I'd add on public transport instructions e.g.

Its about x mins walk from the bus stop where the number y bus runs, or or there's also a bus from the railway station"

Funny how different peoples minds work.
I'd also wondered what had changed between last year and this. My assumption had been Granny or someone was coming along to assist or a baby sibling had been born.
The car shrinking wasn't on my mind!

What the f#ck? An Uber?

The mum should get an uber for the child? Just when you think you’ve heard it all on here 🤣

My daughter hasn't noticed there's anything amiss with her friend so hadn't really considered other kids might. Obviously grown ups might but they would be unlikely to comment.

The transport is the only reason I've even considered an issue with inviting her. I'm actually glad I posted as I could have set her up for an awful time.

Op Fair Play to you.
You've ignored the whacky suggestions (Uber for a child wtf) given sensible responses inc why sleepover and bath isn't right either.

And taken on board its maybe not in either girls best intrests for her to attend the party.

I hope DD has a fab birthday party and a special time with her other friend.

I'd just invite her without any preface and then if asked if you can take her then say unfortunately not this year due to no space.
I wouldn't worry about stating that with the initial invite.
And I don't blame you about the Uber. It's a ridiculous and inappropriate suggestion not only to arrange it for them and pay for it but then to put a 7 year old in one alone... Some people have absolutely zero common sense and I love how people try to make you feel mean for not wanting to do something they likely wouldn't even do themselves due to cost and it being inappropriate.

But some of these comments were great for a laugh. Only on mumsnet can you ask simple advice on wording something only for it to be turned into a pile on because you're not taking responsibility for this child's situation and inappropriately putting her in an Uber. Seriously wonder where some of these people come from because I could put money on the fact most if not all wouldn't do what they're berating you for.

Crazy.
After this thread I'd be inclined just not to invite her or mention it at all.

Going forward people just answer the goddamn question!!!!! Or don't. There is absolutely ZERO need to try and analyse this situation any further than HOW DO I WORD IT.
Some of you need lives.