Party dilemma- how to word this?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

How close is the party? Is there a way you or dh could make two runs?

if this was a child with a ‘normal’ childhood I would be less inclined to put self out so much but sounds like she could really benefit from some extra kindness.

edited as I posted originally without meaning too

Is anyone else thinking @CalmShaker is the other girl's parent. A fucking uber 😂

Eh?

Could your dd have a separate trip with this friend?

Oh poor little girl. I honestly think I would go out of my way to try and help her.

She isn't going to know about the party as they no longer go to the same school so why not just forget inviting her to the party and arrange a more convenient playdate that you know she is likely to be able to go to?
You know she is highly unlikely to attend as parents won't take her, so I wouldn't mention it at all and just have other friends from the new school at the party.

I just wouldn't invite her. You know her parents won't bother getting her there and all it would do is cause the little girl to be upset.

Why cant the mother take the daughter?

No reason. She just won't. I mean she may have changed since we last saw her, but history tells me the child won't come.

I might just not invite her, I hadn't really thought of that (just asked dd who she wanted to invite and didn't go beyond that really).

So ideally,would be the parents.But if the kid has a troubled home life and sounds like from what you say, the parents wouldn't mind who takes her.

Couldn't you maybe try 'we can't do it,but I can ask around?' If they're okay with that,you've got nothing to lose by asking others so she can join.

This was answered. Because the girl is being neglected.

Now I see the full story I wouldn’t invite her. Seems like taunting her really as you are sure she won’t be able to come without your help. I’d set up something separate for her and your daughter as this is just heartbreaking. Poor kid.

Is it really an abominable faff for the parent to bring them on public transport?
You could include info about nearest busses, train station etc with map from her house?

Just do the invite as normal as nobody would think that a fairly large kids party would involve the kid being delivered there and back by the hosts.

Absolutely yes.

it is your daughter’s friend, they are so little. She has lost you and your daughter. Your daughter wants her there.

Go and get her the night before, have a sleepover, spoil her and include her and remain that constant for that poor little girl.

This makes me so sad. I would go above and beyond for a child like this - the lack of basic human kindness is astounding. I know that in my community (not in UK), community spirit would go out of their way to help. None of this is the child's fault.

I don’t have a solution to your dilemma but the update about the girl smelling is sad. I remember listening to a podcast where 2 sisters from the Turpin house of horrors were interviewed and the only one who had ever gone to school reflected on how dirty and smelly she had been as a child and how none of the other children wanted to be her friend.

Oh this gets even more sad. Please be kind to this little girl and include her or at least do something seperate with her and DD.

This

If the child who usually needs a lift is only going to know the birthday girl due to a school move, she’s going to feel pretty awkward anyway.
I would plan on a separate celebration with her, you could take her and your daughter to the cinema and then out for tea?
we do separate smaller things for one of my sons who has friends from different groups. He’s going to the cinema with a couple of mates from school and then have a pizza, gaming, sleepover party for his other friend that he knows from football but who doesn’t go to the same school.
That way no one is left out and our son gets to celebrate his birthday with who he wants to without worrying about anyone have a rubbish time because they don’t know anyone else.

But I still couldn't get her from my house to the party!

I was thinking a sleepover too. Then it's special for her and your daughter too

I wouldn’t invite her if she won’t know anyone, maybe do a play date instead.

No, or isn't the child's fault and we do lots of things with her, play dates etc and I've taken her to and from lots of parties. I'm definitely not lacking basic human kindness, we just can't do it this time.

It could cost a fortune! Also would the 7 year old be alone??

For fuck's sake, the OP isn't a transport service. She's inviting the child and it's up to the child's parents to see to transportation. If not, decline.

How dare anyone ask OP "can you genuinely not or do you not want to" as though she is unreasonable if she doesn't want to.

What a bizarre comment