Party dilemma- how to word this?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

They wouldn’t, she’s lying.

Yeah, I won't be doing that.

No sleepovers, it's too big of a risk.

You are one person and one person isn't going to save this girl. You have gone out of your way to be kind to her and include her but I do honestly think that now DD is at a new school and has new friends and her parents probably wouldn't bother taking her anyway that not inviting her is the kindest thing to do this time.

Fair point!

Take them swimming and give her some shampoo at the pool!

I would issue the invite and point out it is on the bus route if they don’t have a car. Just don’t mention lifts unless they ask and if they do say the new car means you don’t have room. If they do say parents can’t be bothered to sort out transport that is not on you.

Maybe the OP can put you in touch and you could pay for the uber?

I don't think this would be a great idea. Based on what has been said would the girl have a swimming costume and even be able to swim? At 7 they may not have done lessons as part of the school curriculum yet and if the parents don't generally take her places are they likely to take her swimming themselves or have paid for lessons?

Just send the invite and then if they ask for a lift say sorry, we can’t manage that this time.

Are you serious??? 🤯

Don't be silly and stop trying to guilt the OP. Are you offering to drive the child? If not, cut it out.

Part of me thinks this. If it wasn't for the shitty home life I wouldn't be thinking twice about it to be honest.

Of course you have

Probably. Either that or a bleeding heart.

I'm sorry this child is clearly being neglected, but that's not on the OP to fix.

So the op is having a party for her child and you feel that the op should be responsible for and foot the bill for how invited children get there?!!! 🤦‍♀️
Wowser I thought I'd heard everything, the ruddy parent can pay not the op!
It's the saying tell me you're a cf without saying you're a cf

Is anyone else coming to the party who would be able to do the pick up and drop off?

This thread is absolutely wild.
Why are people bashing op for not being able to take a kid, the kids parents could take and bath her a d can't be arsed.
If your dd has moved schools now, I wouldn't invite her tbh.

I’ve not read every page but baring in mind this child has such poor personal hygiene that you don’t feel comfortable subjecting others to having her in the car have you raised this as a safeguarding concern?

School can only do so much, sometimes it takes numerous concerns for social to do something. And that something might just ensure the parents keep on top of ensuring the poor kid has regular baths and clean clothes.

You also say you don’t want to risk having the little girl over for a sleepover, but why?

Now, this might backfire and hurt her feelings. I imagine your dd might mention her birthday to the other girl. You obviously care about the child's happiness; please don't let less kind posters influence

What is different that you won't have the space this year? In the distant past DH and I would both drive, or my best friend would help. Do you have anyone who could assist?

Edited to remove any hint of criticism.

I'm a social worker. I've taken appropriate action. Her behavior is indicative to me of sexual abuse and I don't think it's appropriate to have the child staying at random people's houses as though it's normal, safe and ok.

Its not

the onlu thing I can suggest OP is that you send very clear info re the bus...
'sorry we won't be able to pick her up as our new car isn't big enough. I know its a nuisance, but I've checked and you can catch the 36 bus at 3.30 just outside the post office and it goes right next to where we are having the party. Then to get back there's a bus at 6.15. '

you'd have to think about where the mum would go in the meantime and if going back is realistic

I get you don't think it likely friends mum will do this but some people really don't know how to use public transport and you can remove that barrier

Yes I agree with this, then if the family can’t make their own arrangements for the girl to come to your DD’s party, you just plan a separate little outing for them another time soon when you can give her a lift.

She can use public transport, I've seen her do it. And she can hand around at the party venue if she wants to.

We don't have space in the car this year. We only have 1 car. None of my friends are coming to the party, just dds friends.