Party dilemma- how to word this?

[Ahfiddlesticks]

DD (7) has a friend. Friend has a not great home life (social services are involved sporadically). For the past 2 years for dd birthday she has invited this child and the parent has contacted me to say that friend would love to come but as they do t drive of need to collect and take her home, which I've agreed to as dd really wanted her to come and we had space in the car.

This year we won't be able to take the friend - how do I word the invite (it's via text) to say this?

TIA

No, it's entirely access by public transport. But the parents won't bother.

Just tell her unfortunately you have a new car with less seats so wont be able to do transport

Make it clear from the offset that unfortunately you can’t do a lift this time. And I would tell the mum who else is invited in case she wants to approach them to see if they can help. But if no luck then offer a playdate instead.
Definitely don’t offer to put an unaccompanied 7YO in an Uber, such a weird suggestion, I wonder if that poster misread 7 for 17…

With your updates saying it's accessible by public transport, I wouldn't worry about it at all. Invite as normal, and then explain about the new car if asked to give a lift. It's not your problem.

Well then you just issue the invitation in the knowledge that the child probably won’t come. It will be disappointing but you can’t fix their home situation.

Personally I’d ask the other parents first if it’s not too far out of anyone’s way. I’d take a child to a party in this scenario, no issue at all. And I’d feel terrible if she missed out just because she happens to have parents who are struggling.

Also cash handouts like that won't solve any problems. It might be a nice one-off gesture but the poor girl is not going to have people figuratively paying for her Uber for the rest her life. What about the party next year? And the year after that? It would be even more awkward to tell her parents that you can no longer be the family who pays for a taxi for their daughter to attend a party.

At some point it might be awkward or even shameful for the girl to realise that the hosts are paying for her to travel to a party which should be organised by her parents. It should be her parents responsibility to get her to and from parties. SS isn't an excuse to permanently stop making an effort to get your child to parties or learn how to drive.

None of the other parents know the this child. And not trying to be mean, but she smells very bad - I wouldn't want anyone else to have to sit in a car with it who doesn't already know the family.

It relating to the smell, not calling the friend it!

Smells really bad?
This is unbelievable ,,, and you other Mumsneters ran me down for trying to be nice regarding an Uber

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

What the bloody hells that supposed to mean

How does your daughter know this girl though? If she's a school friend then surely mutual mums will be aware of the situation and may be willing to help. If the girl is actually a lovely person, then she must have other friends too?

If she isn't from the same school then how does she know her well enough to want her at the party for 3 consecutive years?

Then I'd go out of my way to make sure she gets there. Even if my own DD went with a different friend. I can't imagine excluding a child who is obviously uncared for in many other respects

The first few posts have good suggestions. Poor little girl, if she doesn't come which I assume she won't be able to now I would keep her a party bag and have her over another time.

To be nice?

Jesus, help the poor kid. It surely doesn't take much initiative to ask around for a good person to help out a little girl to get to a birthday party.

Why can't the parents do the Uber??

How on earth is that mean?! They are inviting the child to the party

Because the party is fully accessible by public transport and the parents simply cannot be arsed to bring her there.

She is a school friend, but daughter isn't inviting other friends from that school (she's recently moved school).

I'm just wondering why it's on the OP to get the kid there?

Just invite them and when they say "picked her up" say "nope, can't this time...but bus 32 goes right by / taxis will drop there"

Poor little girl -the post about her smelling is really upsetting. I had a friend at primary school who had an absolutely shit, neglectful life and she smelled so bad. Unfortunately, she never managed to have anything resembling a normal life and became a drug addict who had her own children removed from her. I always wonder what would have happened had she had a better life as a child.
Hopefully this little girl will get a chance.
If she can't come, please save her a party bag and some cake at least.

Jesus wept! Are you one of these parents who just gets things given for nothing?!

I don't feel comfortable asking people who do not know the child or the family to go out of their way to give the child a lift.