To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

This would really infuriate me. What a greedy, selfish, inconsiderate idiot. I’d bite my tongue but then make my excuses and leave and never see that bastard again.

The worst bit is the spooning - what if you too had wanted a triple portion of gravy for your dinner? Why is it ok for him to need a whole
jug but he just presumes you will be satisfied with a few meagre spoonfuls. He’s the sort of person who would eat all the dinner and then say “oh I thought you weren’t hungry”. Wanker.

Good call OP, just imagine what it would have been like living with him 🤯

Ooh, I am so angry on your behalf @KierBeTripping. Thank goodness you have decided to boot him!

Here are my experiences were pretty minor but absolutely showed true colours. All different blokes:

1. Partner of 3 years: Regularly coming home from work with a McDonald's just for him ("well you can still have what you were going to cook anyway").
2. Third date: On a drinks date, him getting us to pop into Subway after agreeing to go to a different bar after the first pub and ordering himself a footlong then asking if I was going to get anything while he was paying and waiting for his. I had bought the first 2 rounds too and he hovered for me to buy the next one (yes, I carried on with the date, don't judge me!).
3. 31 year old employed boyf while I was a skint 20 yr old student: Having me over to stay at his and making his own tea (one full pack of 25 chicken nuggets) and eating it in front of me. Said he had nowt in for me (knew I was coming - he invited me - and was I veggie). Then wanted (awful) sex. Unfortunately, this continued for about 9 months ( I said don't judge me!!).
4. Ex Husband: Eating 2 entire Vienettas to himself that I had bought for an evening with mates I was hosting (it was a retro theme with Hooch, Space Raiders and 80s films/music etc.) and not telling me so that was embarrassing.

How men act with food (and how they dance) is how they act in life, love and sex.

What is this Whitby devil thing? I know they have just had the Goth Wkend, but not heard of this devil thing. I live close by; might need to go and steal from food from men 😆

Get rid.

I'm not a fan of the "dumping by text" method usually but given what a selfish twonk he is, he's not worthy of a face-to-face dumping (or even just a phone call) so good for you!

I've been single for years many times and it would never had occurred to me at the time to do something so monumentally selfish as this.

You sound like an enabler of shitty men. Please, do all other womern a favour and adopt all these useless men for yourself, you seem to enjoy being the suffering damsel in a relationship.

And don't have children.

The thing about the gravy is so odd. I can't imagine not asking anyone I was dining with whether they wanted some rather than just helping myself. The fact he then didn't want you to ask for you I think shows he knew he'd cocked up. He wasn't big enough to apologise and order some for you though. He has a sense of entitlement and is rude. And greedy. What an attractive combination.

That poster is a man.

And like you I have been single for years (over a decade) and would never DREAM of behaving like OP’s date. He is simply a selfish individual.

YANBU. Sounds like a pattern of selfish behaviour. The not letting you ask the waitress for more is weird. Also I’m sorry but a fully grown adult who can’t afford an extra portion of chips? No thanks.

Nope, just nope.
Trust me when I say that this tiny little thing, is actually a sign of something much bigger.
You both ordered the same meal (it's not like he had a roast and you had a salad) in which the gravy was intended to be shared.
It's not like you've told him before that you absolutely detest gravy and you never eat it (which would be a reason for him to use the whole thing)
He didn't ask, he just proceeded to take it dump the whole mess all over his plate, and never gave it a second thought.
And then when you call them out on that, nicely I will add, and the obvious fix was let's just get some more gravy, his answer was no. Don't do that because It embarrasses ME.
(In other words, you can do without so that I can have double what I was supposed to have)
I don't care that he proceeded then to scoop gravy off of his plate, that to me would not be an acceptable compromise.

He's greedy, he's selfish, but more than that he's inconsiderate. As in he does not even consider you. And yes, he'll tell all of his friends who listen how "you broke up with him over gravy... What a crazy broad she was".... But you know this is not about the gravy and, if you let this continue, it'll be just something else than something else than something else.

The early dating time is when people are usually on their extreme best behavior and even if they don't usually think of others or share, is when they think to think of others or share because they're trying to put their best foot forward. This guy put his foot in his mouth and he doesn't even care.

That’s a no from me. Typical male behaviour: entitled

I hope he accepts it gracefully and doesn’t give you any bother.

You’re annoyed because he’s a greedy sod and it’s about time someone called him out on it. ‘I’m just not attracted to selfish and greedy and that’s how you are with food. That gravy incident where you would genuinely have preferred me to eat my meal dry while yours was swimming in gravy was the end for me.’

Hes the resident forum misogynist who loves scolding women for having any sort of standards.

Admittedly it’s a bit weird and I would have just asked for more gravy, even if he was embarrassed.

DP used to do things like that. He joked he didn’t share food - but he would have gotten me chips in the hope he got to eat them both. Well I love sharing food so I can have a taste of more. I used to grab the gravy first so he would take it all and saying I am getting my share before you eat it all. It became a joke

He says he hated sharing food and tapas was his nightmare meal. He now shares automatically and loves that he gets to taste more things. He loves sharing food, probably as I don’t eat loads and he gets more food.

but he has openly said I am the only one he will share with. It did take a few months to get him to see the joy of sharing.

Urgh this reminds me of one of my exs.

Went over to his and he ordered two burgers. I presumed he’d ordered one for me and the fat fucker scoffed the two! Even though I had made him breakfast and lunch.

>>>
DoYouReally
You are giving me visions of a man who gulps down his food, talks with his mouth open, uses his fork as a shovel! Am I right?
<<<

It’s a stretch to extrapolate such details from this one event.

Despite being almost certainly correct. 😃

Come on OP, spill the beans.

If he hasn’t eaten them all already. 😃🍴🍴🍴🤮

don’t judge me

Im not - I’m judging the people who taught you so well to put yourself behind everyone else and to allow people to do the same to you.

Not cruel. He deserves it. Did the selfish ass at least take it with grace?

Men generally don't interact with many other people.
Most men above the age of 30 don't have any friends, so your statement that men "interact with people regularly" is not really correct.

JFC you know some very strange people if you honestly think that. The single men I know have wide social circles. Try getting out into the real world

shuggles is a man...

Well done. You know he'd have eaten your post birth toast if you'd let this carry on!

Most men above the age of 30 don’t have friends?

What utter drivel. Most men above the age of 30 have work colleagues, even if they don’t have a partner/kids they have wider family, they almost certainly DO have friends. They have generally been brought up in society, where politeness, sharing, empathy and not being a massive greedy selfish pig are normal behaviours.

I just looked this up - the Krampus parade. What fun!

Are you Goths? If so I’m surprised by your horrible story as in my experience Goths are generally lovely people.

You should go there with him. Maybe there’ll be a wicker man. Simply entice him inside with a trail of cheesy chips. Job done! 🔥😄