To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

You should've said 'yeah it is embarrassing for you to be such a greedy selfish prick'

Then called back the waitress and point at him and say 'this one poured all the gravy onto his plate. So can I get some for me as well please?'

Totally self centred, please don't go any further down this road. You barely register as present to this guy, never mind low ranking in his mind. You're worth far more than this, chuck this one back

If he’s nice otherwise, maybe you could raise it with him by asking if he would be willing to hear a bit of feedback. If he agrees tell him you’re concerned he is selfish around food; and give your examples. Maybe no one has ever challenged him on it? Only if you can be bothered of course and he has other good qualities!

I mean on the face of it it’s just gravy but it represents massive selfishness and the fact he’s happy for you to go without. Doing it in error I could understand but most people would then be mortified and then offer to rectify it by asking for more. He expected you to have a dry, unenjoyable meal to prevent his embarrassment. It’s not great.

This thread has really made me laugh.

I think it’s the first absolutely unanimous one I’ve ever seen. Over gravy 🤣

YANBU. Obviously.

See if I couldn’t afford two portions of something I either wouldn’t buy anything or I’d say “shall we get a portion of chips to share?”

I just can’t get my head around the selfishness. Same with the gravy - there was one jug so even if I thought they’d be bringing another one I’d still wait to make sure

When people tell you who they are, listen.

thing is, I’m sure there’s things you like about him and you have the fantasy wonderful ness of a new relationship and sex.

but he is carrying a banner detailing that he is monumentally selfish. Thinking about other people just doesn’t exist for him.

dismiss this at your peril, because as sure as shit once the honeymoon period wears off you’ll be kicking yourself for ignoring the signs.

I’ve done it loads in the past and I like to think if ever I get in to a relationship again, I’ll have the strength to walk away as soon as they reveal themselves.

The first thing HE should have done @KierBeTripping is get the waitress to bring more gravy

the fact he didn’t … that he prevented you from getting some for you…. That’s game over territory for me.

hes selfish

this is him behaving his BEST… it will only get worse!

Oh my god, get rid. If any man took the whole portion of gravy and suggested I have a dry roast, my fanny would clamp shut so fast you’d hear it go clang. It’s so selfish as well as completely bizarre.

I fundamentally disagree with this. This is how women end up in relationships with shit men. He isn’t nice.

I don’t want to assume about your life goals but you can’t marry or have children with this sort of man. He’d be saying his money was for hobbies and yours was for childcare

I agree.

I wonder why his last relationship ended. I think we can guess 🙄

I think little things like this say a lot about a person and how they will react to big things. I know that my husband is always looking out for me which leaves me free to always look out for the kids. I wouldn’t want to start a relationship with someone who didn’t consider me…

Yanbu 😭😭

What a psycho

“don’t do that, it’s embarrassing”

Ok. Give me your plate. You can have mine. Let me eat the yorkshire’s first though. Double yorkshires. Yum!

He doesn’t really like you does he? He likes the idea of having a girlfriend and the benefits it offers him. But he doesn’t like you enough to want you to enjoy your meal (that it sounds like you paid for).

Id never see him again, not even to break up with him. He’s only deserving of a text dumping

This will never get better

You are giving me visions of a man who gulps down his food, talks with this mouth open, uses his fork as a shovel! Am I right?

You'll never orgasm first and good luck with shared funds during maternity leave.

He's a selfish, social inept man. You can do better.

Get rid. Blooming terribly selfish.

He sounds absolutely awful on several fronts, I wouldn't forgive the gravy-gate.

It would be easy to minimise this or make jokes both this, but I think it’s incredibly insightful into his entrenched personality traits. LTB. You deserve more respect than that.

Believe me when I say I speak from
experience and wish I’d had the self esteem not to walk away with my head held high. Gravy is just an indicator.

This is actually a great idea and totally valid. What would he have done op if after his ‘it’s embarrassing to ask for more’ comment you’d calmly said ‘ok, let’s switch plates then.’

So he’s self-indulgent, deceitful, mean, inconsiderate, greedy and controlling.
What’s not to like?

This has totally wound me up and it’s not even my gravy. Dump!!

PLEASE tell me you got more gravy anyway