To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

When my children are old enough that I can finally leave their dickhead dad, I can't wait to date casually. I'm going to have good sex, and go out places I enjoy, with men who are fun and charming and who I have a good time with. I think about it often. If you're dating, you're already there and I'm so envious. Please don't waste the opportunity on someone who begrudges you gravy, for God's sake. You literally don't have to hang out with him or put up with his nonsense, as you have no ties. So why would you?

This is bullshit. Sorry. I am single, and I think about other people all the time. A present a friend might like, giving my dd her favourite mug, not pressing for the green man if I can cross without it. Many times a day, every day. All decent people know you don’t take all the joint food, and if you do, you don’t ban the other person from getting more - everyone knows this regardless of relationship status or culture!

No. He took it with gravy.

All of it.

Tbh I don't understand why you've let out get this fast. First sign of selfishness and I think it's time I dump him.

Urgh, I've just gone and looked at some of his other posts, yikes 😦

I’d be tempted to tell him exactly why!

Did he at least offer to share his cheesy chips or had he eaten them before he got back to you?

Obviously all horrid, selfish behaviour but TWO, WHOLE VIENETTAS??! Are you sure it was a man you married, and not six bears?

Oh god, one of my mother’s classic lines to me about a lot of food types and why I wasn’t allowed any was ‘it’s too good for you’.

I think it was a quite common attitude in the 70s/80s, and probably even more recently if the thread on smacking/hitting is anything to go by.

Ex Husband: Eating 2 entire Vienettas to himself that I had bought for an evening with mates I was hosting (it was a retro theme with Hooch, Space Raiders and 80s films/music etc.) and not telling me so that was embarrassing.

what an absolute pig! @RamsaySnowsSausage
I love retro themed idea though. I want to do this with my mates now!

I wouldn't be too bothered about him taking all the gravy (because I'd assume it was a moment of thoughtlessness) but I'd be bothered about the fact that he'd think it would be embarrassing to ask for more. What's embarrassing about that? I wouldn't want gravy spooned off his plate - potentially cooled down a bit and messy.

You are just not registering to him as another human, an equal, someone to be considered…that’s the take away here …it’s brilliant you are assessing this as this attitude would be HORRIBLE to live with / partner with 🤢

Yikes he’s tighter than two coats of paint plus he likes his own way and seems a bit of a bully.
Throw this one back - it will only get worse!

Edit apologies if posted twice
I bet his poor mum is one of those who always has the lesser portion, the bit that's slightly burnt so not as nice or who misses out on gravy whilst she's sorting everyone else out and no one thinks to save her some.. or better still have the fucking manners to wait until she's at the table.

Aaaarrrggghhh. Sorry peri rage is high today

🤣🤣 @viques

Sound advice, we must always listen to the Gods of Gravy and Good Manners.

I had one of these. I was too young and inexperienced to stand up for myself but should have binned him years before I did.

He'd eat my entire weeks shopping at the weekend. Everything, all my lunch stuff for work and anything else. He cleaned me out every week until I stopped doing a big shop and shopped daily.

If we got a pizza each he'd inhale his. He'd then reach over for a piece of mine, saying I wouldn't eat it all and he didn't want cold leftovers.

In a restaurant he'd be finished in minutes and hopping about waiting for me to finish so he could get dessert.

Once I made him a sandwich and myself an open sandwich. I actually had less than him, the same thing but with only one slice of bread. As I was using a knife and fork he started complaining that I'd made myself a 'proper meal' while he only got a sandwich.

Greed is so unattractive.

Greedy, overweight men who can't understand why they don't have a girlfriend.

Oh, he is a man! What a surprise... not.

In that case, I hope he remains single for many more years. He is so quick to justify selfish men that I strongly suspect he shares the trait.

Yes, and then they quote the old male loneliness epidemic and wonder how it's happened...a real mystery.

Yeah I was single for nearly 20 years before meeting my husband but I didn’t become unsocialised?!

Good luck with that - the pickings are incredibly slim.

He's beyond selfish. Vile. No manners. Ditch him right now.

Yes it’s selfish but also just plain bad manners. I would be embarrassed being with a partner that didn’t have the social skills to ask first re the gravy jug or getting chips. Pig ignorance.

Lord no. Bin him.

Is he a shit lover

He sounds horrible. Can’t stand him.