To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

I feel for you, OP. I was on my honeymoon and the hotel provided free sherry in the evening for guests to help themselves. One evening there was about one serving left. Exdh poured it for himself and headed off to our room without a care. Didn’t occur to him for a second to offer some to his new wife. Things went downhill from there and it took me 20 years and 3 dc to finally leave. Don’t waste 20 years on a self centred waste of space.

Ghosting him would be (a bit) cruel

Dumping him by text is what the selfish, greedy pig deserves

I think this is what ANYONE who has any concern for others would do. My bloke did a number of things like this (I had threads on here about it!) that showed that he really couldn't get his head around considering another person, and this was just the one that really upset me most.

Well done. Dumping by text is very generous of you, given what a greedy selfish pig he has been towards you!

The Gods of gravy and good manners have sent you a sign. Ignore it at your peril or they will smite you with other instances of his irritating behaviour and nasty habits.

@crinklechips And I wouldn’t expect to have to teach a partner absolute basic manners. I’m sure OP can do better than this man.

It's not a case of having to teach people things.

People with different experiences, or from different backgrounds, will see things differently.

As I said, given that men are often single for years or decades at a time, it shouldn't come as a surprise when those men forget to share food. But that's something that would likely change as the relationship progresses.

Jesus Christ!

The bar for men is so low its tavern in Hades!

Good for you!

🤣🤣👏👏

Good for you. He doesn't deserve anything else other than being dumped by text!

I would have dumped him after the chips incident. Greed is really off putting and selfishness with food is worse. It's just basic manners, same would apply if he was out with friends or family, singleness has nothing to do with it.

Wow…I’d have got the ick after the first time but three times that’s just a joke!

Glad to see you’ve thrown him back in the sea.

This was like my ex. He never cooked for me, or even made me a cup of tea or offer me a drink. It just didn't enter his head. I went to his straight after work once and stayed until midnight and it didn't enter his head that I would need feeding. Just weirdly selfish.

This

It's happened 3 times. How many times is acceptable before you just accept that he is greedy and selfish?

Selfish and greedy - yuck!

He sounds like a selfish pig. I'm so glad you got yourself some gravy and have told him it's not working! You deserve someone much, much better.

Exactly. I live alone and go out to eat on my own quite often, but I still can't see how you could possibly just forget about the other person sitting at the table with you. Not to mention that a whole jug/boat of gravy is a huge amount.

What? You mean does he insist on pouring gravy over everything?

But who are we to judge? 😄

Had he already eaten before you arrived?

Don’t date a selfish man. It’s not worth it.

Throw him in the bin and get yourself a man that buys you the cheesiest chips and smothers them in gravy, it may seem small because it’s food but any man who is selfish then makes you feel bad for feeling a type of way about his behaviour are not the men you want to be around trust me

Him spooning his gravy off onto your plate is way more abrading than just asking for more wtf is wrong with him

Why do you think men should only be polite and considerate towards people who might sleep with them?

Unless said single men are total hermits, they interact with people regularly and have no excuse for being inconsiderate and selfish.

It's a hard disagree from me. I don't think this sort of thing changes as the relationship progresses. This was not just a thoughtless action he hastened to put right (which is where you may have something of a point re habits) - he was perfectly content on further reflection to let her go without entirely or have only his scrapings in order to facilitate his selfishness and spare his blushes. I think that's indicative of core character.