To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

Yes!!! Go to another table and flip him off for good measure. What a selfish prick!!

The pouring of tons of gravy over his meal would have me running. I hate gravy and, thankfully, so does DH. We don't like soggy food!

He's deffo not giving you an orgasm first . Ditch he honestly sounds like a prick.

I couldn't be with someone this selfish

Pouring all the gravy would be fine, everywhere I’ve been has brought individual jugs so he likely thought yours was coming (and they have always been titchy so I could easily have put double on).

Saying you couldn’t ask for more, and getting chips and none for you? Selfish and thoughtless. I wouldn’t continue seeing him.

God if I was travelling with anyone - even a colleague - and went to get a coffee, I’d offer to buy them one at the same time! Let alone a partner who hasn’t got money on them, WTF 🤣

How fortunate for you that he's shown his true colours so early on. Mine waited until we were married.

Selfish. Thick. Crass.
And wanting you to have a dry meal to cover for him.
Time to move on OP, you will laugh about him with your friends in the not too distant future x.

@KierBeTripping There's a lot of harsh criticism of this man, and yes, he should be sharing food with someone he is dating, but the thing to be mindful of here is that men are far less likely to be in relationships than women, and will spend years, or decades, being single.

If you're single for an extremely long time, and the only person you feed is yourself, it's easy to see why you may not think of anyone else whenever you're eating.

I would say that over time as he builds more experience in relationships, he will learn to be mindful of other people when it comes to food.

In a restaurant (not in UK), my FiL once took the bowl of peanuts which were for sharing, dumped then in his bowl and ate a huge handful.

He didn't realise they were cooked with chilli peppers. He could not stand spicy food and his face went bright red and he couldn't speak for about 10 minutes!

OP it's such an unattractive, selfish trait. You are better off giving him the boot!

This is the kind of thing my XH would do. He was always the first at a buffet & would pile his plate high.

There was a time at a wedding when I was PG & about to pop & I asked him to go to the buffet for me as I was so huge with swollen ankles I didn't feel able to go myself & just wanted to sit down with my lemonade. He came back with about 4 items on my plate & his was piled so high it was embarrassing. People commented on it.

Another time when I needed to have a biopsy for potential cancerous growth, I had a relative lined up to take me to the hospital. He got all uppity over it saying it was his job as my DH to take me. So I cancelled family member, he took me & while we were waiting, he decided that he needed his ears syringed so left me to it while he went to Ear, Nose & Throat Dept to ask for his ears to be syringed. I was furious, took the car keys off him & drove myself home after the biopsy leaving him to get the bus home.

The final straw was when he applied for redundancy, despite me saying that if he did that & didn't have a job to go to I would leave as I was working full time, did all the cooking, the bulk of the housework & wasn't willing to support him financially to sit around doing nothing. He was already only working 3 days a week in order to care for his mother, which, in reality meant he went to her house, she cooked & he sat in her 'snug' smoking & watching TV while she watched the same programmes in the living room.

So he got the redundancy, had 3 months to find a job, didn't even apply for jobs & didn't have a job to go to. So I left &, some 8 years later, he's still not working & living off a small pension & his inheritance (as his mother has since died).

Our (19 year old) son sees him regularly & says how lonely & lost he seems & how short of money he is. His problem, not mine anymore thank God.

Unless he's 15 and this is his first time allowed out alone, and dating someone. Then I'd bin him off in a heartbeat.

Urgh he sounds awful. Please dump him. Maybe give him a gravy boat as a consolation prize 😂

Seriously though, you know those posts from mums complain that their husbands/partners eat the kids packed lunch food / all the junk or treat food and don't replace it so they have to buy lockable containers etc, that'll be your life.

TBH if he’s only got the money for one you either don’t get food at all or you ask the other person if they’d like to share…

It’s the clear lack of thought that would put me off.

This. ^ What fresh hell is this?! Your partner starving and thirsty, while you sit their munching food and glugging back drink? Vile. Utter deal breaker.

I have bought coffees for not only partner, friend, and colleague plenty of times, but also strangers before now. One lady (some months back) had insufficient funds when she went to pay for her sandwich and can of coke at the checkout in Sainsburys cafe. I was behind her, and she went flame red with embarrassment. I whipped my debit card over the machine and got it for her. Not because I'm a do-gooder, but because I'm fucking human, and I felt for the woman. The very idea of treating the person you profess to love like @Vroomfondleswaistcoat's partner did makes me sick to my stomach. Some men truly are utter cunts.

Also @KierBeTripping (the OP,) you know what to do. This gravy guzzling twat is not your person. You will always be flying solo, even if you marry him and have children with him. He will never share anything with you, he will expect you to do all the wifework and childcare, and he will always be tight fisted with money, and selfish in bed. Back into the sea he goes! 🌊

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If he’d apologised profusely and offered to fetch more gravy after realising his selfish mistake, that could be forgivable, but he’s clearly greedy and inconsiderate. 😠

I was prepared to say YABU because a thoughtless brain-fade would be forgivable.

But trying to stop you asking for more? WTAF!

The correct response would have been to flag a waiter over immediately and say “sorry I got carried away with the gravy, could we get some more please so she doesn’t go without?”. Show some humility. It’s a pathetically fragile ego to be embarrassed to ask for more gravy!

Everyone knows you share gravy for a roast. I wouldn't entertain him. Did you get some gravy in the end?

Of course he is. He thinks only of himself.

Taking all the gravy is one thing, not being prepared to correct the mistake is another

And I wouldn’t expect to have to teach a partner absolute basic manners. I’m sure OP can do better than this man.

he’s tested you a few times to see what treatment you will accept. In his mind you will accept his appalling lack of manners and quite narcissistic self absorbtion. He now knows he doesn’t need to put in any effort going forward and he won’t. Throw this one back OP. You deserve so much better.

he wants to go to this devil thing in Whitby next week so I’ve used the opportunity to say I don’t think it’s working out - by text 😬 feels a bit cruel but I’m so annoyed - uncharacteristically annoyed

Thoughtless, inconsiderate, greedy, selfish.

Let me guess, divorced (or never married), and in his 50's, overweight?

Definitely the right call to end things with him, he'll never change, and these are really horrible qualities. Someone explained above about men who have been single for a long time, making excuses for his behaviour, well, my DH had never had a girlfriend before me, we met before we turned 30, and he was polite, well-mannered, a gentleman, so being single a long-time prior is absolutely no excuse for this ill-mannered behaviour.

I can see why you cut him loose. He's selfish and greedy