To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

Definitely Chuck him back in whatever pit of slime he crawled out of.
Greedy and stingy! I don’t even like gravy (I do love cheesy chips though) but would have taken my plate and eaten at another table.
He’s shown you who he is.

He sounds really selfish and thoughtless. I couldn't tolerate someone who had so little care for me, it doesn't bode well for the future so it would be a deal breaker for me.

Nah, he needs to fuck the fuck off then fuck off some more.

Selfish pig. Get rid. 👍

Ick. You should have just swapped the plates.

That’s mortifying. How utterly selfish and oblivious. It may only be a small thing but it’s very significant

"he also eats all his popcorn before the film starts in the cinema too and that’s pissing me off thinking about it"

I wish everyone did this ! I like to watch a film without the noise of bags rustling & people chewing .

I don't understand why everyone is focusing on the gravy incident.
Why didn't you dump him already after the cheesy chips. 😂
You need to raise your standards, op.

@KierBeTripping

As a roast dinner with gravy lover this is completely unacceptable behaviour to me.

However, as someone mentioned upthread, it’s the complete lack of social skills for me.

How old are you both? Assuming you are both over 10 then honestly, what hope is there?

How can you “teach” someone to share or “correct” this kind of thoughtless behaviour? My DDs are primary age and we have already covered this!

Also, why should you have to teach a grown man basic manners?

And - even being generous and assuming it was a mistake - a man with any sense would immediately try to rectify this - immediately asking for more (even if that means finding a waitress / going up to the bar) all while apologising profusely.

It’s a hard no from me.

He’s a greedy guts op. That won’t change. My exh was like this, it was so unattractive, I used to get so embarrassed when we went out with other people as he would shovel in food at such a pace and take more than his share. I could never leave anything nice in the fridge as he would eat it as soon as my back was turned even though he’d already eaten his. My ex also had no self control over alcohol or porn. Im betting the guy you’re seeing is greedy and selfish in other areas of life as well

He’s not selfish he’s a greedy pig. Greed and Gluttony, two of the seven deadly sins.

I bet he tucked in whilst you waited for the second jug of gravy and your food cooled down.

get rid.

It just shows he puts himself first each time.
A person with manners would have offered you first. Even if he made a mistake any decent person would have been mortified and ordered you more gravey.

YANBU
He is not a keeper. Chuck him in the bin.

Who the heck are the 2% saying YABU? Is your boyfriend on here?

I missed the part where you are seeing this guy, jeez set him free

I had an ex like this. Apart from being selfish and greedy, he ate like a pig. It was so off-putting. I once nipped to the restaurant toilet while we were waiting for our food to arrive. By the time I got back (maybe 4 minutes because someone was in the toilet ahead of me so I had to wait until she was finished), not only had he eaten ALL of his food, but he’d started in on mine too.

Dump him, OP- he’s selfish.

I couldn't be with someone who was piggy over food.

Any decent man would offer the gravy jug to dining companions first, and ask if anyone wanted something from the food stall. This is just the tip of the iceberg.

He is innately selfish and self centered, men like this do not deserve the attention of women or sexual relationships, please let them die out quietly.

LTB obviously

Brilliantly put.

Ugh that is pathetic

And thing is its not "just" gravy - if he's not prepared to put himself an infinitesimal amount like having slightly less gravy on his plate, that's how he'll be when it comes to prioritising his career, joint money, chores, who takes care of any kids, whether he'll look after you if you get ill....

It's just indicative of someone who is "me first" and that's not a partner most people want.

Not to mention the audacity of telling you not to order more so you have a substandard meal to save him embarrassment for HIS actions!

The older couple were probably willing you to get up and leave!

I can’t believe 2% think you’re being unreasonable.
He is definitely not a keeper!!

A nail in the coffin for my ex was sitting in an airport waiting for a return flight from Spain. I had no Spanish money left and no access to my bank card. He had lots of money left. I was starving. He went and bought himself sandwiches and a coffee. Never offered to get me anything, just sat and ate his lunch in front of me, not eating and hungry. It apparently just didn't occur to him to do so, even though I had said I was hungry and he'd watched me search through my pockets for any loose change to get even a packet of crisps.

It wasn't the meanness, it was the lack of empathy, which was evident through the entire relationship that really did it.

Manners maketh man!

Words fail me. How on earth do they reach the age of dating still unaware of the most basic manners? Really sad tbh

That is almost as bad as the gravy and would seriously put me off - chowing all of the popcorn down before the film starts??

What a greedy pig he sounds

When you dump him, tell him why. Tell him you're doing him a favour for his next relationship.

Selfish people don't good make long term partners.