To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

He’s been filling his face with your food every weekend, barely buying back, gobbling your portion, pretending to go to the loo but gorging himself on food, lying that he can’t afford some for you, blatantly eating said chips etc in front of you as he has no qualms about his deception, greed, meanness, selfishness and determined deprivation of you. And you’re supposed to be so accepting of all this sh*t that you calmly and without complaint go to bed with him?

He was more than happy to see you do without and is well binned off.

You mean drenching his meat and two veg with gravy?

Yep. I think maybe resting less online agenda driven content and actually living in the real world would show that his experience is way outside of the average man’s life.

I don’t know about anyone else but when I go out for a drink the pubs are full of groups of men socialising together.

My DH too. 12 of them go on golf holiday every year (34th year of the tradition this year, they’ve been mates for that long) and I joined Dh with his best mates and new GF at the rugby yesterday. They’ve been best mates since they were 11. Sadly two of their group (school BFFs) died a few year ago, so it’s made them even more committed to maintaining their friendship. They both take their children skiing every Feb too. Like others here, I’d say he has more close friends than I do. Mine have shifted with my jobs and as the children have grown up.

Still, all the men I, and DH, know would definitely share the gravy…

Yes, and how unbelievably self-centred do you have to be in order not to consider that THE PERSON SITTING RIGHT OPPOSITE YOU will want some gravy? Especially because it's hardly an optional extra on a roast. Everyone has gravy on a roast since it's dry without it.

Tell him to get to fuck. What a prick!!!!

Also, if you can't afford two portions of chips, what are you doing just buying yourself one lot on a date?

Prepared to be flamed for this but a man who can’t afford two portions of £3 chips shouldn’t be dating full stop. He should be working on improving his life first and waiting until he has something to bring to the table (other than a single portion of chips!)

None of those points are mutually exclusive or contradictory. They are all correct.

Agreed.

It’s you, dancing around with goalposts and thinking your life of never interacting with another single human is true for most men.

Fine, you're all Billy No Mates. Whatever. Just don't be a total pig with the gravy and buy the lady some chips from time to time.

He snaffled the gravy, only buys food for himself and cleans out the fridge when he stays at your place.

Time to throw him overboard from the gravy boat. Don't chuck him a life ring, he'll think it's a donut and eat it.

My DH has a lot of friends some he's know since school an others he's met since but then he would have, he's a really nice thoughtful man.
I actually know two FtoM transgender men and they both have large groups of friends of both sexes so even that isn't true.

🤣🤣🤣

To be fair they were £7 each 😂 but I didn’t want him to buy me some - just to consider that I might actually want to buy some too

Block him OP! Life’s too short!

Honestly you’ve got more chance of nailing jelly to a wall than getting him to admit his batshit view of the world from his echo chamber is not the norm

I'm not trying to be mean by saying that if you yourself are so solitary that you never interact with anyone, that is far from normal.

I think it's important to take regular breaks from SM. If you watch too much of a certain type of tiktok/YouTube content you'd end up believing that every woman is after a 6 ft tall millionaire and every man is either being fleeced in a divorce or is being rejected by every woman out there.

Real life is very different. If you surround yourself with people who don't use much SM, you'll get a much better perspective on things. There are lots of normal men and women out there who aren't obsessed with status, aren't obsessed with looks, and aren't trying to take advantage of one another.

Sure, it's not easy to find deep, meaningful friendships/relationships but some casual chat over a drink or two is available to everyone if they want it. If that's something you'd like, I suggest looking at meetup.com for some hobby group to join. Hiking/photography/chess/languages/books/whatever - pick one and go interact with people. It's what I've done in every new city I've moved to.

Well he's not so solitary that he shies away from entering large communities of women to tell them why they should put up with all sorts of crap from men.

🤣🤣🤣

He's clearly not used to thinking about other people, can he learn?

Jeez, were they sprinkled with gold leaf?

Where do you go that any food at an event is only £3. Even all the local chippies round me cost more than that.
I think chips and cheese for £7 at an event is doing pretty well.

Let’s take @shuggles theory that many men have such limited interactions with other humans that they are ignorant to basic social niceties like sharing the gravy.

Fortunately we live in an age with almost unlimited access to online information and advice such that a decent but socially naive individual could easily educate themself on basic date etiquette. Everyone is just one ChatGPT prompt away from dating 101.

There is no excuse for ignorance, it’s simply not caring enough to try.

@Thatsalineallright I think it's important to take regular breaks from SM. If you watch too much of a certain type of tiktok/YouTube content you'd end up believing that every woman is after a 6 ft tall millionaire and every man is either being fleeced in a divorce or is being rejected by every woman out there.

I spent little time on social media and I try to avoid 'brain rot' content. I do spend a fair amount of time on video streaming websites like YouTube (which would not be classified as social media).

I don't believe that women are after 6 ft millionaires. I don't believe that men are being fleeced by divorce, as women are the bigger earners nowadays (so if anything, the women would be fleeced). I wouldn't know if all women are rejecting all men because I have never sought a relationship with a woman.

Sure, it's not easy to find deep, meaningful friendships/relationships but some casual chat over a drink or two is available to everyone if they want it. If that's something you'd like, I suggest looking at meetup.com for some hobby group to join. Hiking/photography/chess/languages/books/whatever - pick one and go interact with people. It's what I've done in every new city I've moved to.

I will keep the website name in mind, thank you.