To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

Jeez - you’re well rid!

He said “well you should have said if it bothered you”!!?? It should be fucking obvious surely??

You did say, and it was obvious! It sounds as though he only hears what he wants to hear.

Oh dear, his response speaks volumes.. only a bit of gravy indeed! And chips.. and everything else he's stuffed himself with. He needs to find a "feeder" I think.

I was wondering too

i also expect and want a partner to be financially stable, so unless extenuating circumstances a grown man who couldn’t even afford two portions of chips would be an issue to me. And the other option is he lied and could afford it he just didn’t want to buy you chips, and that’s even worse.

As is the lying so he could go and buy himself chips and not buy you some and not share, and that’s before factoring in him coming to your house and wanting you to buy him food.

i revisited this thread as I can’t believe his response of you should have said if it bothered you. He must have thought you were so desperate, he could just front up and you’d feed him and shag him.

Wonder no more, just read her posts.

OP, when you say "bloke", do you really mean "labrador"? Because then the behaviour makes sense 😂

Ha ha! It was a story about a dog all along! In that case - yabu!

I'm amazed it took as long as Gravygate for you to dump him, frankly!

Don’t leave out The Spaniels

He said “well you should have said if it bothered you”!!?? It should be fucking obvious surely??

You did say it bothered you! You said at the time and you are saying it again now. FFS. Tell him you shouldn't have to point out when an adult is selfish, or when a man is shit in bed, but here we are.

Even my 17yo (6ft 3 with an appetite to match) DS will only take his even share on first pass of the gravy/curry/takeaway and then will check if everyone else has finished before diving in for seconds. And he’s a thoughtless, perpetually hungry, autistic teen. Am increasingly proud of him when I read threads like this… @KierBeTripping you are so well shot of this bloke. Honestly.

Absolutely. Somebody with zero friend or familial or colleague connections is somebody I would likely steer away from.

Lots of workplaces have social events (lunches, dinners, Christmas events) with colleagues.

And most people have acquaintances, friends and family. The average man over 30 is not navigating life with zero people he ever converses with.

Ick

You said he was likely rude because men under 30 spend years single and so don’t learn to think of others. That was your point not other MNers. We are pointing all the other ways a man can have experience in life of considering others.

It’s not lack of experience. He is just selfish.

Thinking more about this, not only would I, or any other normal guy, offer you the gravy jug first, it would never, ever enter my mind to empty the whole f#cking lot onto my plate. I think, going by the later posts, that you've binned him? Good for you, doll....👏

I have regular business dinners with my manager, either for business as we are away at a meeting or with clients. It’s very normal. I’m really surprised the poster doesn’t know it’s a thing. I do it about 2 or 3 times a month.

"Well you should have said if it bothered you"???!

1. You did say

1. It's not your job to teach basic manners to a fully grown adult anyway. It's his job not to behave like a pig in the first place.

Somehow I'm now picturing this guy taking a dump in the middle of the pavement or something, and then going "Oh, well, you should have said if it bothered you."

@JHound And most people have acquaintances, friends and family. The average man over 30 is not navigating life with zero people he ever converses with.

People don't speak much to acquaintances.

And yes, the majority of men live a fairly solitary existence. Please see the videos that 'FTM' transgender people upload online to express their complete shock and surprise that the world suddenly feels a lot more solitary and isolated after their transition.

Like the overwhelming majority of people, I do a job that involves actual work, rather than simply facilitating relationships. The majority of people do not do a higher level facilitator job like yours.

Really? You think the isolation of a young, vulnerable woman who identifies as a man can give any insight into whether an adult biological male should have moderate social skills and basic manners? The type of manners they will have been taught in the lunch queue at infant school?

Talk about reaching.

You can’t be serious?

I think my brain just exploded 🤯

I was going to comment on the "people don't ever have dinner with their boss" but I see we're well past that now.

This has really made me laugh. Can just picture it, like WTF?