To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

Yes, what I said is correct.

The poster described a job role that involves meeting with clients over dinner. That's a higher level job role. Very few people have a job with such close relationships with the client.

The overwhelming majority of people work in a lower job role that involves creating some kind of product or output.

I'm not sure why that's controversial; it should be common knowledge.

I thought it should be common knowledge that men do not have close friends.

A 30 second Google search will bring up a plethora of articles, and online commentary, from women who are exhausted by the fact that they are the only friend for their husband or boyfriend, meaning they have a huge amount of 'emotional labour' to do. This is well established.

The bar is in hell….

My husband and wvery man I know has friends, 🙄

The one place he doesnt stuff his face 😏😏😅😅😅

How many threads have we seen here where the wife has to hide or has been told to hide the good or special treats because their greedy husbands just can’t help stuffing their faces. Lucky @KierBeTripping found this out quickly! So unattractive.

Dump the dickhead. He's a selfish cunt.

For fucks sakes give it a rest mate!

What you seem to have not understood, shuffles, is that a man who has no friends is equally as unappealing as a selfish man. Either way, this man will add zero value to a woman’s life.

Ditto. I have a really wide social circle including lots of men who are well over the age of 30.

But then none of the men I associate with are misogynistic incels who live in an insular echo chamber.

Oh and I’ve had jobs involving socialise with clients and work colleagues including the boss since I was a teenage office junior. Like many people in the real world who actually mix with humans

@shuggles Would you like friends? I don't know your age but there are ways of making them. My dss are adults they have many and a few close ones. Youngest took a while because of shyness. Anyway that's a different thread but do start one if you need advice.

It wouldn't have been so bad if he didn't then try to stop you from ordering more! What an idiot. I don't like bad manners. There's no excuse for it.

He is deliberately missing the point.

He will make it about “a bit of gravy” when actually it is his selfishness, his constant thoughtlessness and his willingness to see you have a horrible lunch so he does not feel “embarrassed.”

Also personally I would never date somebody too broke or too mean to avoid two portions of cheesy chips.

Online commentary i.e. social media is not an accurate representation of real life.

My DH has friends, probably more than me if I'm honest. He also has a good relationship with his family. That was one of the things that attracted me to him - he values a stable family life and close connections.

Sure, there are people who through no fault of their own end up NC with their families but it's still a red flag if they don't even have superficial friendships with people.

If there's not a single person in your life that you'll have a beer/coffee/whatever with then that's a personal failing not a societal one. It's really not hard to join a colleague on lunch break once in a while or to join a hobby group that meets up every couple of weeks.

I think that's the first time Shuggles has been called that.

I miss the laughing reaction button

If you see him anywhere, don’t forget to stamp ‘rejected’ on his arse in case some other unsuspecting woman meets him!

You be keep confusing yourself with “the average man”.

Leading a completely solitary life and not talking to even acquaintances is you. Solely you.

Not all men.

Just you.

Which is probably why you spend so much time on this site.

It'd be interesting to see if there's a correlation between men who don't have any friends and those that take all the gravy... maybe that's the reason they have no friends to start with!

Anyway, as a mother of boys/ young men I taught them not to take all the gravy... I hope to god they remember when out on dates!

“Close friends” == “zero social interactions”.

First you said men aren’t socialised because they spend years single.

Then you said they are completely solitary.

Now it’s just “zero close friends”. You are literally like a whirling dervish with these goalposts.

Same!! 😂

You have dodged a bullet there OP, I honestly wish I had used my initial horror at an ex'es table manners to bin him off earlier, it shows selfishness that will ultimately seep into other aspects of him.

The thing is, if/when you break off with him, he will just think it’s about gravy….

He thinks everything's about gravy anyway.

Or cheesy chips.

Or whatever else he can eat and drink before other people get to it.

Personal relationships are a long way down his list...

Mine too.

I would say I have about 10-15 male friends (all in their 50s). All of them have a good friendship circle, apart from one, who is a good bloke but has significant mental/neurodevelopmental issues.