To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

That is plain selfish. Does not consider anyone but himself.

He is selfish and it's up to you if you can tolerate this behaviour or match it by being equally self-indulged. I'd pull him up on his selfishness and give him a chance and then dump if no change.

He sounds like a biblical level, glutinous fat pig. Glad you’ve ended it @KierBeTripping what an ick! Urgh the image I’ve painted of him in my mind just based on this is making me nauseous. Milling about for all he can get with his chubby grubby hands with dirty bitten down finger nails 🤮

Yeah this would tip me over the edge.everyone knows You don’t start your treats until the movie starts

Are you dating my husband?

It's common knowledge that men above the age of 30 or so generally do not have friends.

No it fucking isn’t you’re just making up shit to excuse poor behaviour in grown adult men.

Maybe step outside your incel echo chamber for 5 minutes and see how people act in the real world before you keep spouting nonsense.

Is this really a thing? Is there evidence? I’m not being sceptical, I’m genuinely interested.

No. Shuggles is the resident forum misogynist who loves dipping in threads to tell women that having standards is wrong and it’s on them to accept shit behaviour from the poor ickle menz who know no better.

It sounds like your dating my ex….he was also selfish in bed and with arranging his time around me (his life always came first), he would happily scoff a plate of food without asking if I wanted any.

Throw this one away.

Oh dear, I always get through my snacks before the actual film starts. In my defence the ads are really long!

Depending on your age, pickings for a man who can even send a coherent text are slimmer than Victoria Beckham.

There are plenty out there offering sex - if you’re into slack jawed overweight slobs wearing hi viz and taking selfies in public toilets.

Read some of the OLD threads to see why so many women started off positively and pretty quickly gave up all hope.

Get rid of him for sure, but as a last act of kindness please lay it out very straight as to why. Just so he knows.

Selfish, if he’s selfish over “small” things he’ll be selfish over big things. Not for you.

He's more concerned about impressing the waitress than you!

He doesn’t even say he’s going for food - he makes up an excuse to walk off
and then comes back eating

On the off-chance that nobody has pointed this out in 15 pages - accidental thoughtlessness is already extremely difficult to train out of a grown-ass adult, it's ingrained. But this is the opposite of thoughtless! He actually plans how he can get away to buy food, only for himself, and then pretends that he can get away with it because at the precise moment where he exchanged money for food, he was on his own. Ugh.

What a load of shite.

For whatever reason he's like that; it's embarrassing thoughtlessness, and I wouldn't want to be with someone like that. It's basic, common courtesy to see if the other person's okay and attended to before you see to yourself. Throw this selfish, spoiled brat back in the water.

You know he is selfish. So get rid.

You've done right to call it a day. He doesn't treat you well - shared gravy and veg you do the ladies / date first thing. He should have let you help yourself first.
I suppose the couple at the next table were more horrified at his complete lack of manners.
He needs a LOT of housetraining!!!

You don't even need to have friends to interact with people regularly (though a lack of literally any friends may tend to point to someone who has neglected to make an effort to form and maintain relationships). Somebody properly brought up will consider other people when simply waking down the street or in a shop - is this person trying to reach a shelf that I can help with? Is that person walking towards me trying to get into the gate I'm standing in front of such that I need to move out of the way? Does someone who has just got in the train need this seat more than I do?

But let's say all your points are correct and it was just lack of practice interacting with others that made him take all the available resource (in this case gravy) for himself (I've made an allowance that that could be a silly, kneejerk mistake). The egregious bit is that, having been alerted to the fact he's taken it all for himself, his considered solution is that the OP should a) go without and have a dry roast or, at best, b) take whatever scrapings from his plate has not yet sunk into his food. The alternative - him having to suffer the slightest twinge of embarrassment for his own actions - its actively militated against.

In other words, he thinks other people should take the consequences of his actions, rather than himself and/or had a real problem with anyone finding out he has made a mistake (assuming that's what it was).

Those are the real red flags.

I hasn't seen this before my latest reply. Snap!

Well, using up all the gravy might have been a genuine mistake. He might have though that you have your individual jug.
But stopping you from asking for more as it would be embarassing, it is beyond weird. Not allowing you to solve that, let alone offering he'll ask himself to solve the situation he created. And pouring some from his plate is also weird.

Why would you date a man that cant afford a second portion of chips?

"Slimmer than Victoria Beckham" 😂😂

Alone it is then! Still can't wait to not have a miserable, obstinate, smelly twat cluttering the the place up! If the rest are like mine or worse, I genuinely can't see why people bother. Different if someone wants children I suppose, as it's easier with a ready sperm donor and 2nd income. But otherwise, just why?

But surely you wait until the other person's food has been brought out anyway before you start scooping all the gravy and veg onto your own plate? It's common politeness surely (plus a good way to check whether what's been served is for the table or just for you).