To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

.. and probably didn't wash his hands after going to the loo and eating his cheesy pooey chips 💩good job he didn't want to share!!

Yeah, sorry to be all Hemulen Aunt about this, but properly brought-up persons always serve the other person first. Standard. 🤷‍♀️

Keen to know what other things he’s done!

Also what the Whitby devil thing is!

Why are people saying maybe he thought you got a jug of gravy each? Surely if they were the case the waiter/ess would have bought 2 jugs. Or said "I'll be back in a min with the second jug" Not put one down and walked off.

It's the kind of detail that's easy to miss when the food is being set down and some places are pretty generous with the gravy so that alone isn't a hanging offence. But once he realised, the correct course of action is to say, "Oh no, I'm sorry, I didn't realise" and then ask the waitress for another jug. And if the meals are the same and your companion doesn't mind a double gravy portion, you might hand yours over to them so you're the one who now has to wait, since it was your cockup.

Greedy fat bastard.

The reason why he's single is clear.

Run.

Im sorry but if my bf did this , we would be howling and he would be hopping up and down to ask for more gravy for me. I can understand the momentary lapse of thinking, it is gravy after all, but his after reaction is dickish.

If he'd offered to serve OP first instead of rushing the throw the food down his neck like an abandoned gannet, he'd be getting his jollies in Whitby next week, wouldn't he...

No, probably not, because he's a greedy selfish arse in other ways too and she was already questioning. But I just mean, I can understand he may have thought they were individual gravy boats (depending on the size, I guess) and that OP had hers. From his reaction, though, and caring more about impressing the waitress than OP, he missed the opportunity to redeem himself.

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing”

I think it's this that's the biggest red flag here. I can just about see that he might have unthinkingly just forgotten that there was only one gravy jug between you and that you didn't have one each, but then expecting you to eat your roast gravyless because he would be 'embarrassed' if you asked for more? What a dick.

I’m a bit like this with food. Sometimes the basic animalistic part of my brain overrides the common decency part before I get a chance to think. I’m not selfish in any other part of life or relationships. If he’s not selfish in other ways I’d just put it down to an annoying habit and make sure you get your hands on any sharing parts of meals next time!

You would do what he did with the gravy? And then try to stop your companion asking for more and just slop your leftovers on their plate? And you regularly disappear off to buy food without asking if anyone else wants anything?

Agreed. In the early stages of dating is when you (or should be!) are on your absolute best behaviour too!

Even now both me and DH will always check with the other before we help ourselves to something at home. And if he has some chocolate / cake / wine when I am not home, he will always leave me half for when I get in. He also always lets me have the last roast potato and Yorkshire pudding on a Sunday dinner even if he has had less than me as he knows I love them 😊

And never in a million years would we go and buy ourselves some chips or drink at a gig / show and not buy for the other one... How fucking rude and selfish!!!

Get rid OP. He's a dud.

Wow, really? Is there no way to train yourself out of that? You sit and grab other people’s share, stop them asking for more as you’re embarassed about yourself, and secretly go off and buy food just for you so you don’t need to buy for anyone else?

Sorry but don’t you feel embarrassed to behave like this? It shouldn’t be a fight to get your share of food - that’s how animals behave

I’m a bit like this with food. Sometimes the basic animalistic part of my brain overrides the common decency part before I get a chance to think.

That’s not an ‘annoying habit’. That’s an absolute bollocks excuse to be a complete arsehole. This is something you could address if you chose to.

No idea what the devil thing is, knowing him he just wants to go and laugh at people as we’re certainly not goths or into devils etc

Update, to my text he replied “seriously? It was a bit of gravy!” So I replied “you were happy for me to sit and eat a dry roast because you took both portions of gravy? Why not swap the plates since it was your mistake? Why is your enjoyment of a meal more important than mine? Why do you go off and buy yourself food at events without even considering that I might want to eat too? Why do you never contribute to weekend food that I buy to feed us both? It’s just selfish”

He said “well you should have said if it bothered you”!!?? It should be fucking obvious surely??

He probably wants to eat them.

Honestly he’s probably going for the food stalls, it’s all he thinks about.

Username "spookygoose" checks out.

TBH I am more offended at the number of establishments that appear to serve jugs of gravy.

Gravy should be served in a gravy boat.

”I’m saying it now. You’re a selfish prick. Bye.”

You are so better off without this greedy pig!

Such a typical reply from him. Implying it was your fault for not speaking up. What a bad mannered greedy pig. Urgh!