To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

What you mean he says don’t do that it’s embarrassing, and then she’s like “I’m not eating a dry roast”

Run for the hills. He is not a keeper. Selfish AH.

You're saying it's ok for the man to be rude because he hasn't been able to practice.

I'm saying that you don't actually have to have friends or be dating anyone in order to practice basic consideration. Let an elderly person take your seat on the bus, hold the door open for someone carrying a heavy package, let someone skip ahead in the supermarket queue if they've only got 1 item to pay for.

It's not specifically about gravy, it's about the general attitude which would show up in many different aspects of life.

Some things can certainly take practice e.g. making small talk or flirting. But understanding that the world doesn't revolve around you and that other people might also like some gravy shouldn't require any practice. A generous person would share automatically.

I would also say that if a man (or woman) hasn't had a meal/coffee/beer with another person in years, that's a red flag in and of itself - doesn't have a good relationship with parents or other family, hasn't joined any hobby or sports groups, hasn't ever gone on a lunch break with colleagues, hasn't volunteered, hasn't taken part in society, basically.

Grown adults don't "get better with time" in their social skills, neither do their faults improve. Both get worse.

Treating some colleagues as friends often leads to... having more friends.

You sound like an unsocialised man, brain-washed by redpillers. May I ask, what are you doing trying to give advice in MumsNet? Your advice is appalling.

I went out wiih a man who was reallyy mean if we went to a cafe or restaurant..if he paid we'd have almost nothing but if i volunteered to pay he'd have everything he could get his hands on. He also.used to.make.mmmmmm noises when he ate. And we went to Germany once and stayed four days with a female friend of his.. She was really generous to us. When we left he gave her a tiny tiny pot of jam as a thank you present and was as pleased as punch with himself.. I was so embarrassed. I used to take food gifts when i went to stay with him at weekends. After a while, he started ' requesting ' things. " oh, if you are bringing food, can you bring such and such ..." Eventually I wrote him a letter ( this was years ago when you still wrote letters)dumping him and telling him he was a tight-fisted sod. He phoned me and said the letter had made him feel physically sick. I thought GOOD. He was such a wanker.

He’s ignorant OP. Doesn’t know how to conduct himself socially and has the outdated expectation that the woman acts selflessly to put him first and give him all the best bits while she goes hungry.
You can stay in the relationship and try training him up a bit if you want to but I’d say there’s not much hope of success.
Personally I would have walked out at the cheesey chip incident. So unthinkably rude to have ordered food for just himself and be eating it in front of you on a date.
What a sad specimen he is.

Why are you dating a man who hasn't got enough money to buy you a bag of chips?

Omg...definitely throw him back and if he asks tell him politely why.

Will nobody think of the incels?

Poor wee souls with no dating experience because a few alpha men are snapping up all the women, no family to speak of, no friends at all once they hit 30, no normal interactions with other people even at work...

No you misunderstand. She didn’t pick him up on neandarthalsRus dating site. She expected him to be a normal human being who shared and considers others in normal way. It’s ok, you got the context completely wrong.

I could not live with this. Bin him.

Assuming I have my geography correct then the North Sea for him. He sounds hideous

My DH was greedy but even he wouldn’t have done that. Having said that, if he’d accidentally left me without gravy, he would have gone out of his way to get me some.

This one isn’t a keeper @KierBeTripping .

It's common knowledge that men above the age of 30 or so generally do not have friends.

I think you should speak for yourself.

There was a young man who was ruder than most
He was so very greedy, a terrible host
He pushed it too far with a gravy boat
So I finished my roast
And passed him his coat!

I didn't think... mistakes were made... only there for the gravy train.

He has the makings of an MP. Definitely dump. Next!

I could semi forgive but it depends if this hair a tip of the iceberg. If he’s been single/not very sociable a while he may not be used to sharing food. If the jug was small, did he maybe think they were individual serves? I can’t see why you couldn’t ask for more, I imagine people asking for more gravy is a pretty regular occurrence for staff.

Is it possible the chips were a spur of the moment decision? He just see then on the way back from the toilets and grab some or did he plan to get food after the toilet before he left you. I know I’ve grabbed food/drinks as a spur of the moment decision, but I’m always happy to go back with DP if he wants some too or wait while he goes.

I would get rid of him asap. Dealbreaker. This shows selfishness that will reflect on many other aspects of his life. Run.

Did he reply @KierBeTripping?

I'm going to go against the grain and suggest that you should hang onto him, just so that you can regularly report more of his greediness here, for the sake of human interest.

If you had the same roast, I would have said ok then let’s swap plates….
called his bluff then you could of tried to spoon a bit of gravy off your plate onto his

I bet he would have HATED that’s!!!

he sounds controlling odd weird and selfish
so you deserve more
maybe he’s one of them men that think women shouldn’t eat aswell

But in this scenario (only enough money for one portion) a normal person would bring it back to share it.

Gravy gate would have me getting up, paying for my food and leaving. The cheesy chips thing would have had me leaving.

Yes item one could easily be a mistake borne of understandable excitement for a roast. Item two means even though he was gagging for his roast he was fine with you having a shit one. He could have offered to swap if it was that mortifying. What a pig. Fucking with a woman’s Sunday roast! Put him on a list.

I think I would have gone to the bar paid for my dry Sunday roast and walked.

he does sound like an utter 🔔 🔚

The chips thing is also ridiculous. What is the point of a boyfriend if he won’t get you any cheesy chips.

OP I’m glad you got your gravy and got rid of this tool.

This is all part of why I have cats and a job instead of a husband.