To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

Early in my relationship I went to visit my (now) ex. We ate together (food made by his mum - and yes he was in his forties) and then afterwards he made a lovely bowl of carefully cut strawberries... then went to eat them. His mum said "What about Dewberrywotsit??" and he said "If she wants some she will tell me". I said I wanted some and he made me some, but let me say it WAS a sign. He was astonishingly selfish and inrceasingly selfish for the rest of the relationship until we split up because by then what had seemed a small red flag was a massive red campsite. I wish I had put it on mumsnet like you have and woken up earlier! It is likely the tip of the iceberg. Don't find out the hard way.

Get rid of the selfish idiot .

I like sauce, a lot of sauce (or gravy in this instance). I typically order extra sauce to make sure I have enough. That said, I would not have hogged the entire gravy if there was only one. That's really poor manners.

It's good you ended it as he's obviously very selfish and inconsiderate. That will only get worse when he gets comfortable.

Fuck him. The thoughtfulness is bad enough. But didn’t want you to ask for more gravy as he would have been embarrassed? So you have to suffer to ease his embarrassment? Nope!!! What a twat

You’re not overreacting at all OP.

I recently got very put off a date do for a similar reason. He asked me out for dinner, chose the restaurant, and he said we’ll have a couple of drinks afterwards. All good.
The day comes, it’s a Friday and he’s not working that day, he’s spent all day relaxing at home and walking the dog. I’ve been at work, I finished at 5pm, went home to get ready then rushed to meet him at 8pm (he knows about me working and rushing about) When I met him he said “We’ll just get some drinks actually because I ate at 4pm and not really hungry.” I said “And what about me? Are you making that decision for both of us without asking me first?” He looked a bit taken aback. I haven’t seen him since that night.

These men are not only thoughtless, but lack decorum and social etiquette. Anyone who thinks you are overreacting to this, respectfully, are probably not very bright and have an inability to acknowledge red flags. As you said, it’s not about the gravy. It’s sign of his selfishness and things to come in the future. These men early dating days are him showing the best version of himself, it won’t get any better.

How did he respond to your dumping text??

Is his name Jim Royle?

I read your post out to my husband. He only had one word. “Twat.”

I am a glutton and worship gravy.

However, this behaviour is shockingly selfish. I cannot imagine sitting and thinking that it would be OK for someone else to have no gravy whilst I scoff the lot! Even if I would want to scoff the lot, which I would!

Also, not being able to ask for more gravy is pathetic.

You are right to get rid. What a selfish prick baby.

He is both greedy, selfish and possibly tight fisted.
You were right to throw that one back in the sea.

Call it off and if he asks why, tell him to find someone in his price range as he obviously can't afford you!
What an absolute prat!

I'd have just said ok, let's swap plates then, you have the dry one, see how that went down.

How much time?

If he had taken all the gravy and gone "omg, im so sorry. I wasnt thinking, let me ask some more" fine. But taking it all and expecting you to go without would mean byebye.

Yanbu at all. So utterly off putting. This is meant to be the honeymoon phase!

Even that would still be awful

Brilliant. Just this really!

Urgh, is he gross in bed too?

I could forgive if he massively apologised, offered to swap plates, and sorted the extra gravy himself. But the spoon thing is just beyond.

I agree you could kind of understand using all the gravy as a lot of places do individual jugs, but to refuse you asking for more is controlling. And don’t order food unless you ask the other person if they want some.

So you believe most women are in polygamous relationships.

Ok.

The popcorn thing is OK. I prefer not to be faffing with food during the film and find it better to scoff it first. Personal choice I think.

The gravy is far from ok. That wasn't personal choice, that was selfish and depriving you.

He won't change, he'll get more ingrained in this behavior. End it, because his inability to consider others will destroy you.

Yeah, he's an absolute no. Get rid!

Forgot 4. He's unbelievably tight fisted/so broke he couldn't possibly buy you some chips/share his load or heaven forbid pay(!) for any extra gravy since he scoffed the first lot.

What a catch

This! No one comes between me and gravy.