To be put off bloke over gravy-gate?

[KierBeTripping]

Been seeing someone a while. Today we went out for a Sunday roast - the waitress brought across a jug of gravy and a dish of vegetables for the table as another waitress approached with our meals. He then reaches for the gravy jug and pours the entire lot on his dinner. I was a bit gobsmacked! I said “didn’t fancy sharing then??” And he acted all shocked before laughing and saying “sorry, I didn’t think” how on earth would you not consider that the other person might want some gravy too??

So I said I’ll have to ask for more gravy so he said “don’t do that, it’s embarrassing” so I said “I’m not eating a dry roast! I want gravy” so he gets a spoon and says he’ll put some of “his” on my plate.

This isn’t the first time he’s showed greed/selfishness over food - a few weeks ago we went to an event and he said he was going off to find the toilets - he then returns with a tray of cheesy chips saying how lovely they were! I said “if I’d known you were getting food I’d have come with you and got myself something” - who does that??

Gravy-Gate has really annoyed me though and tbh it’s put me off! It’s not “the gravy” it’s the principle and thoughtlessness of it.

AIBU

The fact that he said he didn’t have enough money to buy you one is the red flag for me. I’m not judging because he may be short of money, I’m judging because in that case he should either have not get himself something, or just bought the one tray of chips for you to share!! So rude.

People who are kind and think of others want to do nice things for them. He’s showing you already you’re not a priority, he’s not capable of putting others first, and he lacks basic manners.

If you went to Whitby he wouldn't share his chips.

He would, the seagulls are fierce like that.

I think you did right ending that, the greediness would get me, but also the onky being able to afford one portion of chips. That’s either the guys completely skint, or he’s really tight and doesn’t want to buy you chips. As he continues to want to go out, I think it was the latter, he didn’t want to stand you some chips.

You can do better than a man who expects you to eat a dry roast!

He sounds just weird Imo, who goes to anything without money ?? & this guy is on a date !
Defo wouldn’t fancy dating him.

My understanding was that pickings were slim for husband / father material, but surely there are ones you can have good sex with and go to the pub on occasion, no strings attached? If not, I still can't wait to be single and alone, with all the metaphorical gravy to myself.

He clearly knew he’d been a greedy fucker because he thought the waitress would be judging him when you had to order more gravy, hence he was embarrassed at the prospect of you asking. He showed complete selfishness on two occasions there! Didn’t want you to order more gravy to save face, and hogged it all in the first place. I was literally so angry on your behalf. I want to know what his reply was to you dumping him 🤣

I have read the thread and am so relieved that you have given him the heave ho, meaness especially with food, is akin to the whole of China getting out their flags and waving them at you. Obviously, his mum did not teach not to take the last drop, I lose count of the number of meals out, where no one will finish a dish... although I remember taking my mum and her best friend to Chelsea, we went to the champagne tent, there was 2/3 of a glass left in the bottle and it is the only time I had ever seen her swig the last drop, my sister who was with us, was speechless but in a good way!

This annoys me so much, why blame a man when you can find a woman to blame for his bad behaviour. It is nothing to do with his mother and is not her fault.

@KierBeTripping I married someone who did exactly this. It did not get better. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Or his scampi. 😃

Even if he had already eaten surely it would be basic manners to offer something to eat and drink. That bar in Hades is filling up 🤣

Get rid.
Same principle as the person who never pays his or her share, mysteriously has to leave the pub when it’s their round, etc.
Selfishness and meanness is such a turn off

Eww, no, bin him off! I hate stuff like this! I remember going on a date with a guy who had showed similar traits with food that I’d noticed… but a deal breaker was when we ordered 2x starters to share in a restaurant and I nipped to the loo. When I came back, they’d been brought to the table and he’d scoffed the lot. So weird 😂

Love how he’s not remotely embarrassed to look like a pig in front of you, but doesn’t want to look bad in front of the waitress. Already valuing your needs and feelings below his and those of strangers is very telling.

What was his response OP and I really hope you let him have it?

"I'm ending it Andrew because of your terrible, embarrassing behaviour over food and basic lack of manners both at the restaurant and the other event last month. You greedy, selfish skidmark".

How awful. You deserve better x

Work colleagues are not friends. Treating your colleagues as friends is a massive mistake that will only lead to negative outcomes.

Many people do not interact with their wider family, only their immediate family. Though again, wider family are not friends.

It's common knowledge that men above the age of 30 or so generally do not have friends.

@aurynne You sound like an enabler of shitty men.

I specifically said that he should be sharing his food, and that he just needs time. I'm not enabling bad behaviour.

Hades may kidnap you, and force/offer you to spend half a year with him, but he would never steal all your gravy.

Ugh.

I dated a guy like this 12/13 years ago, and, lacking in confidence as I was back then, I made sure that was our first and last date. All he did on the date was stuff his face, then ask for more, rinse and repeat.

This guy is disgusting. Of course it's not about the actual gravy - how dare he say you'd be embarrassing him if you asked for more gravy? Then the chips incident - it shows he doesn't care about you, he's just a guzzling, slovenly pig. Putting his belly above your feelings. Who doesn't ask their partner if they can get them some chips/drink etc at an event? In fact, you don't even ask - you just come back with something for them.

It's not up to women to train useless men.

There are men who date a large number of women at the same time.

Seriously life is too short to spend with a selfish man. Nip this in the bud and get rid asap.

You are bang on, it isn’t the literal gravy that’s the issue it is the lack of awareness for others or emotional intelligence it seems. I would cut your (in this case it doesn’t look like very big) losses.