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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Countdown on my birthday: Will they remember . . .

425 replies

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:46

Lighthearted, as I believe there will be an avalanche of well wishing the minute the first one remembers and texts the rest of this sorry bunch.

Now, I'll just say I am not one for big, expensive gifts nor grand parties. A simple brunch out at our neighborhood restaurant and maybe a small gift and card is beyond lovely in my book.

However, outside my 5yr old DNephew who isn't allowed phone time and can't read, the rest of this lot is currently on probation until I hear otherwise:

Listed in order of who should be figuring this out first:

Naughty List
DH (nuff said)
DF (he's 80, but in sound mind, lives with us, and he was there on the first one...)
DD 1(21) (away at her university, but c'mon!)
DD 2 (16) (old enough to know better)
DSis 1 (next to DF, has known me the longest, plus we're super close)
DSis 3 (youngest, but should be reliable)
Friends 1, 2 (known since we were 14)
Friends 3, 4 (very close)
DN 1 (17) (smart kid, pretty reliable)
DBIL 1 (50) (known the man for ever)
DN2 & DN3 (13 and 8) (probably remember but waiting for the family to tell them to call me)
DBIL 3 (newer, so more off the hook)
DSis 2 (high stress job, could be pulled into emergency work)
DBIL 2 (small kids, DW w/ high stress job)
DMIL (75) (has form for forgetting, but also has chronic condition, so no expectations)

Nice List
my dentist (sent me a 7:30 a.m. email)
DA (in her reliable fashion, mailed a card that arrived yesterday)

OP posts:
WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss · 23/11/2025 16:48

Is it today??
Happy birthday! Following in anticipation of the avalanche of well wishes! X

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/11/2025 16:48

It sounds like you’re taking this neglect pretty well. Happy Birthday!

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:49

Yes. Bday is today.

I should have added that while not a milestone, it's 55 and where I live, there are jokes you get old people discounts at chain restaurants.

OP posts:
Allthebeernoidea · 23/11/2025 16:50

I’d be furious if my immediate family forgot my birthday. Absolutely furious with them

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/11/2025 16:52

I’d be livid. Not amused.

InDreamsHeCame · 23/11/2025 16:54

I know you’re making light of this but it’s pretty horrible of your family.

In-laws etc I wouldn’t expect to notice, but your husband has no excuse and should be making sure everyone knows it’s your birthday.

Getting to nearly 5pm without a happy birthday is rotten.

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:54

I'll also add that I have had 3 milestone birthdays that couldn't be celebrated and I purposely went out of my way to tell family and friends not to bother or worry about it. I truly, truly did not feel bad that I didn't celebrate these. It would have been in bad taste considering the circumstances.

21 (family emergency)
40 (DM had died days previous)
50 (COVID)

OP posts:
Izzywizzy85 · 23/11/2025 16:56

Oh OP. This isn’t funny at all. I can’t believe not a single one of them remembered. I’m sorry 😢 happy birthday x

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:57

I will add that DMiL ONLY has me. DH is only child and I take good care of her...however, this year, she's more off the hook due to her chronic condition which can be very uncomfortable and depressing.

OP posts:
chickenfucker · 23/11/2025 16:58

You've not had anything from your DH or children yet? Any chance they're planning a surprise as surely they can't all have forgotten?

drspouse · 23/11/2025 16:59

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:49

Yes. Bday is today.

I should have added that while not a milestone, it's 55 and where I live, there are jokes you get old people discounts at chain restaurants.

I take it it's still morning where you are?

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/11/2025 16:59

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:57

I will add that DMiL ONLY has me. DH is only child and I take good care of her...however, this year, she's more off the hook due to her chronic condition which can be very uncomfortable and depressing.

Caring for your own DF, I assume, caring for DMIL, I’m going on a limb that you cared for the DC.

Does your DH forget his own important dates…

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:59

My lovely aunt, who was my DM's only sibling, always, always remembers (she sent the card). Even days after DM passed, she was at the house and had a card/present she snuck me and said, "You don't have to open this now, wait months if you need to." She lost not only her Dsis, but her DH passed a few months later. The woman is a rock.

OP posts:
Barmcake · 23/11/2025 17:01

Happy Birthday 💐
I can’t believe no one in your family hasn’t realised yet! I’d be furious

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 17:04

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/11/2025 16:59

Caring for your own DF, I assume, caring for DMIL, I’m going on a limb that you cared for the DC.

Does your DH forget his own important dates…

I'm definitely the one who keeps the family running and DH relies on me to manage and the older he gets the more he seems scared I would die first as he thinks he'd fall apart. In his defense, DH was a far more hands on DF than most and very emotionally connected to DDs and works hard around the house, cooks, cleans, etc.. He will feel pretty bad when he remembers, but he should really know better. It's the kin keeping that always, always falls on me.

OP posts:
Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 17:05

And DH has seemed to slack off once DDs hit teen years.

OP posts:
Kickingasssince72 · 23/11/2025 17:06

I don’t even like my birthday, but I’d be super pissed off ifbi were you. I wouldn’t speak to DH until he apologised either. He should be making sure the kids have all touched base at least. DF and DMIL I’d have more understanding.

Pollqueen · 23/11/2025 17:06

If you're in the UK and it's 5pm already, you're taking this very well OP. I'd be fuming and would be reciprocating in kind for their birthdays going forward

Happy Birthday 😘

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 17:06

drspouse · 23/11/2025 16:59

I take it it's still morning where you are?

It's noon.

OP posts:
Sleepyandtiredandlazy · 23/11/2025 17:06

Happy birthday OP!

I must say I got totally knocked off track by you saying you got an email from your dentist. Wishing you happy birthday????At my dentists they can't even be bothered being polite to me!

Dexterrolledoffthesofa · 23/11/2025 17:08

Has anyone remembered yet?
Happy birthday! Xx

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 17:08

Pollqueen · 23/11/2025 17:06

If you're in the UK and it's 5pm already, you're taking this very well OP. I'd be fuming and would be reciprocating in kind for their birthdays going forward

Happy Birthday 😘

Nope, it's noon where I'm at, hence the countdown. But the lack of pre-notice (usually I get a 'hey, where do you want to go out to..., what time should I drop off the...let's pick a coffee date to...). And it's a Sunday w/ family who get up very early . . . and a DD1 in European time zone . . . DD2 eating lunch feet away from me . . .

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 23/11/2025 17:08

Happy birthday OP.

I do get wanting to see how long it takes, but I'd be tempted to go half way and put your aunt's card somewhere visible and watch for the reaction...

I wouldn't want the penny to finally drop when it's too late on the day to actually do anything.

Allthebeernoidea · 23/11/2025 17:09

what do you do for other birthdays in your family? Is it only yours that gets forgotten?

Sahara123 · 23/11/2025 17:10

Delphinium20 · 23/11/2025 16:59

My lovely aunt, who was my DM's only sibling, always, always remembers (she sent the card). Even days after DM passed, she was at the house and had a card/present she snuck me and said, "You don't have to open this now, wait months if you need to." She lost not only her Dsis, but her DH passed a few months later. The woman is a rock.

She sounds wonderful. Brought a tear to my eye.
I had a wonderful aunt who died only last year. She always remembered my birthday, and my children’s, despite hardly ever seeing us as she lived far away. I say she remembered, not necessarily the right person on the right date, we always smiled!!
I miss those cards 🥹